Thanks DonnaJ, I needed that article as proof that us single women are dealing with the same issues.

I borrowed this section from: http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2004/004/6.42.html Author: Camerin Courtney

[“A guy friend recently told me I was too independent, a quality off-putting to men, who, according to him, like to be needed. The I-am-woman-hear-me-roar side of me bristled a bit at this revelation. "Isn't neediness bad, too?" I questioned.”]

Almost six months ago to date, I was actively dating a man that I’d dated many years ago when I believed my marriage was completely over. I had major baggage and he was just too immature at the time. Our paths crossed again. The sparks were so sweet. We rekindled the little we had, but with more experiences under our belts.

I was crushed when I found out that he was also dating someone else. Since we’d been friends before our ungodly affair, I was able to ask him what it was about this woman that he liked versus the relationship with a woman like me. I figured it this way. I was independent, had the material things and educated…the list of things I believed ‘should have made me more attractive than the woman that had nothing in comparison.

His answer was brutal, although I don’t believe that he was trying to be. He simply said, “She needs me. You have everything already and know those things” Was he looking for a daughter is what I wondered as he confessed. Of course I asked him to elucidate. I cringed with hurt and confusion as he stated the many ways that she needed him. He said that he had to teach her how to shop, and cook and clean and drive since she didn’t know how. Her ‘needy’ list went on and on.

I was too proud to tell him that I needed him too. I was too proud to tell him how safe I felt when he stayed the night or how much he relieved my pain and loneliness. I don’t think that was the kind of ‘neediness’ he was looking for either. I had no choice but to be independent. I was grown, divorced with two small children.

On the religious side of this short-lived relationship, he studied Islam. Since I have a friend that is deep into this, I could converse with him. I never knocked his faith nor did I attempt to impose my own. For those that have read the article, you know what I mean when I say this; it was just good that he even believed in God considering how difficult it is to find a man that is Godly.

Sugaree

A guy friend recently told me I was too independent, a quality off-putting to men, who, according to him, like to be needed. The I-am-woman-hear-me-roar side of me bristled a bit at this revelation. "Isn't neediness bad, too?" I questioned---
-- Guys cop so much public and private abuse about being useless that they automatically pitchin when they see somethig that they can help out with. But neediness is terrible. Either his neediness on you or yours on him.

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His answer was brutal, although I don’t believe that he was trying to be. He simply said, “She needs me. ===========
And get this girl onto this very board after he has broken with her to go to you. Listen to her rant and rabe about this "typical male" who abandoned her when she needed him most. Where do you think the sympathies would flow.

I don't date girls who "need me" because I simply can't provide those "needs". I date girls who dont "need" anybody but like everybody. And I have dated girls who have been dating several other guys. No big deal

Hello Sugaree and Sparticuss

The problem with relationships is a relationship is about that....a relationship, it isn't about the people involved, it's about what we hold up on a pedestal, the kind of relationship we want to have and yet do we have that relationship with ourselves first.

Relationships are entities, they aren't life. Life is about being within, in the deepest core place of your being, for in that place lives all life, all beauty. But the world has taught us that our fulfillment comes from outside of ourselves and so for the very few who accidently look inside find a wondrous universe that has no boundaries.

What we all really want is the beauty within and within that comes many wonderful experiences that just come to mirror who we have become, many wonderful people whose beauty can be reflected back to us because we see and we know without judgement, without fear and without loss.

Otherwise, all we have is a tenuous relationship built on what we've seen as we've grown and the stories we've heard about what a relationship is without ever having had one with ourselves because we were taught to look outward and what we saw was negativity and so loss came, fear came, unworthiness came, instead of looking inward to see who we really are and the wondrous beauty that takes your breath, the spirit of life itself smiling and nodding yes...now you know....now you know...the love.

You see ladies, the toughest lesson that we all came to learn was to love ourselves first, to go to the core and find out who we are and to learn trust, trust in that inner love and that nothing from the outside can move us, defeat us or cause us to feel unworthy, unwanted or fearful. Why? Because we are all love, no matter how far we run from it, no matter how hard it is to look inside afraid of what we'll see, no matter how much we were taught not to believe in our own beauty....we are love and we cannot escape this. Thank God for it is the saving grace of us all.


With love Tracey