Last night I went out with a friend that I've known for over 15yrs. When we first met, he tried very hard to date me, but I was emotionally unavailable.

Sometimes I look back at some of the prospectives and wonder what could have possibly been going thru my head to have passed such great men up, especially this one.

Well, he moved on and got married and had a child. That was fine with me. I loved him like a friend only, despite his feelings.

Yesterday was his birthday. He asked me to make him a peach-cobbler he so loves me to make. I did. He picked it up and asked if I'd go for a birthday drink with him. I did.

We made it to this cozy little lounge and I immediate began to feel discomfort. His lifetime friend was there and immediately started telling me how much this man loved me and for how long and that he was so happy to see us together. My friend started playing slow love songs wanting to slow dance. I danced once but realized his gazes were too deep for him to be a married man and declined the other requests to bamboozle me on the cozy dance floor.

He started confessing how he never stopped loving me. He, for whatever dillusional reason, thinks that I felt the same way since I was always nice to him. I don't know why cause all he ever got was peach cobbler and general conversations.

I told him that he has a young daughter and that I could never disrupt a child's life, not purposely anyhow. I think that made him fall even harder because that one statement really made him believe that I am special. He says that most women don't care about those sorts of things. He said that I was right and all that stuff.

Today he's been calling and calling and I have been avoiding his calls. I finally answered a few minutes ago and this man told me that he'd just have to show me how much he'd prefer to be with me...how he does love his wife and certainly his daughter too, but his life feels incomplete and that I am the missing puzzle that could make him the whole.

Now, I do know that he'd been pursuing me for years but he was never my type. His conversations were deep enough and a few other qualities I like in men (still dont have either,LOL).

Who on earth do men think they are?!! He thinks that since I've been single for so long now that it's him that I need to show me that all men aren't crackpots, that I need his type of love and that we need to grow old together and love and live happily ever after.

Wow! I sure wish I knew what I must have said to him, obviously w/o my own knowledge. Hmmm.

Barf. I'd tell him that if he calls again, you'll be making a call of your own...to his wife.

Sug, was dicussing this phenomenon w/a male friend the other day. Why do guys insist on...."I'll change your mind about (fill-in-the-blank)." Why do they think we want our minds changed? OR "I'll do this for you, or that for you." What makes them think we WANT them to do ANYTHING for us? All it reminds me of is the phrase I used to hear as a teenager, "Be Nice." And I'm sure we all remember what THAT meant.

Sugaree, my advice would be to tell him the truth about how you feel. How you value your friendship and enjoy your talks ... but just as "friends." The sooner he knows your true feelings, the sooner he will stop his fantazing and concentrate on his wife and child.

As much as he says he loves his wife there are obvious problems there for him to look elsewhere ... even to you. Not to say that he doesn't have genuine feelings for you, but at this stage of the game, it is the wrong time... And, for you ... the wrong man.

I am sure you didn't say anything to him that caused him to think you had a serious interest in him beyond friendship. He was just looking for things, not realizing that the true act of kindness and friendship is only that ... a kind, true friend ... and nothing more.

Hopefully, being upfront with him will allow your friendship to continue, although frankly, you might feel uncomfortable being with him from here on.

Just my two cents for what it's worth!

sugaree, run the other way. Infidelity turns my stomach. He is up to no good. Also, he's going about it the wrong way. If he really loved you he wouldn't expect you to sneak around seeing him while he's married. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you don't want to be a pawn in his foolishness and debachery.

LookingUp, you're right. I didn't say anything. It is his fantasy cause I know for sure that I avoid him most of the time. Not that he wasn't a pleasant person or anything. It was just that I had my own issues and if I'd let him come over, he doesn't understand the concept of quick visit, the 'hi and bye' deal. Plus, I'm easily bored. I guess I should remind him that 'if' I had been interested in him, I would've had him a long time ago. And yes, I probably wont view our friendship the same, ever.

Dotsie, I'm going to run. I did ask him that when he presented it to me. I told him that I'm not the #2 type of woman and even asked him where he'd get the energy from to handle two and I asked him how his wife would feel about the trio. I wasn't being so nice. I really don't think he got my attitude correct. He just kept calling last night. Whew!