What are your deal breakers? What are you willing to compromise or not compromise on?

Hmmm, cyclinggal, you are full of inquisitiveness today LOL.

For me, it's adultery or lying/cheating in any way, for any reason.

Also if that person lacked clear, defined boundaries in their lives would be a deal breaker for me too. (Bad boundaries for me means things such as needy behavior, passive-aggressiveness, insecurity issues, refusal to understand how their behavior affected others, etc.)

Keyholes - I totally agree on the adultery/lying issue. You brought up a good point about "refusal to understand how their behavior affects others".

I absolutely must have respect. If I became involved with a man, I would have to really "like and respect" him -- his character, values, outlook on life, etc. -- and I would want him to look at those things in me.

I agree with the "A" and lying issues. Yet, I've evolved from being scared of being alone to being scared of ensnaring myself in erroneous choices.

My ex would often say its all about money with me (I'd put it away for the future, use coupons, sales, watch the meter, etc.); yet, he sure spent a lot of money on himself, i.e., Harleys, vehicles, cothes, women, booze, etc. I now finally have my own horse (stable boarded) and home and hope we can both be on the same property some day.

I lost my career and retirement. Yet, I'm recovering. Although he made more money than I, somehow he was the freeloader. He lives alone in a 3200 sf home with new Harleys and HD Ford Truck, divorced 4X, and sits at his personal bar until drunk each night (or looking for sex partners on the web). I don't have much, but less is MORE!

That is ironic MG that your ex said the same thing about you and money as mine did to me.

We made pretty much the same salary, and we had a pretty good life together...nice, large, 4 bed home, wooded acre lot, nice suburb home and the kids had a good childhood. I was proud of that and loved my life. But somewhere my ex thought it was about me and money. I think it was about him and looking to lay the blame for his problems on me.

But yes...LESS is often so much more. I feel "lighter" now that all I have to carry are my burdens...financial, emotional, physical. There is a lot more room for a lot more life, fun, and love now!!

These last two posts need to hit the headlines for women who are afraid to leave abusive marriages. I'm not insinuating that you were in abusives marriages, I jsut think women need to know what freedom feels like, and that less IS more!

I would agree that for women to seriously understand how to manage and invest their finances on their own is very helpful for long-term planning and independence...either as single, even married when you wish to do something on your own that requires money and later in retirement years when no man or other partner is in your life to share financial responsibilities.

I am actually intrigued how little BMWs women here discuss at a general level about financial planning..and how to make wise investments. Some of it is not rocket science but does require a change in lifestyle, priorities and discipline. Yes, having less material stuff..is just better.

I have to have real, honest to God, love.
The rest seems to come along as I need it.
Dancer, dreamer who found her dream

Honesty is a must for me in all aspects of a relationship. Also complete devotion, my two husbands both looked at me like starving men looking at a juicy steak. I loved that look and knowing how much I was loved and wanted.

Dotsie, that "abusive relationship" thing is difficult to define. A person may not have bumps or bruises but can have many emotional or mental scars from someone who becomes mentally, verbally, or emotionally abusive. There is such a thing in my eyes as emotional or verbal abuse. We have to be aware of it and not let that person victimize us. If someone inflicts abuse on anyone, no matter what kind (physical, verbal, mental, emotional) has serious problems that are coming out in all the wrong way. Usually they are related to their own past (maybe they experienced abuse as a child) or addiction/alcoholism. They are acting out.