When I was in my 20's I vowed never to live with man or have a ltr that involved sex. I figured that if we loved each other we would get married, or else I wanted my freedom. Now, I am divorced after more than 20 years of marriage.

Suddenly, when I meet a man, I am thinking that while I would like a partner for travel, dinner, walks and sex, I don't want to get married or live with anyone. I have enough money to support myself and two wonderful kids. In the past women have needed men for financial support and to be the father of their kids. Well, I have the kids and the money, so I don't need a man for that.

Anyway, I am now finding myself evaluting men more on their emotional availbility, how affectionate they are, and if they are physically attractive to me. Oh yeas, brains and a sense of humor are also important.

I feel rather giddy at times with all this new found freedom. And I have become rather assertive with men I know and feel I can trust. I have a very good male friend who is rather attractive on many levels. The other day I was actually debating with myself whether or not to invite him to spend the weekend with me at a cabin that belongs to a friend. Haven't done that yet. But, somehow it seems much more natural and acceptable to do that.

Do other bommer women have this same sense of freedom and assertiveness?

Welcome Amy. I'll let some of the single women take a stab at this one.

I'll share that I've been married to the love of my life for 27 years and our nest is emptying this fall. Danita sparked an idea in the forums one day about turningthe empty nest into a love nest. I am definitely feeling your sense of freedom. I can't wait.

Come on all you single women. Let's hear what you have to say to the new gal on the block.

Amy, first of all WELCOME! So glad you've joined us. I've been single for quite a few years, 14 (I think?) and I could care less. I don't have time to date and it seems that all the men I meet want me to raise them, or their children. I don't think so! Either that or they want me with them 24/7. Ewwww...

When I first divorced I had feelings somewhat similar to yours. I had been married all my adult life and all of a sudden, I had this freedom to make a different kind of emotional decision. It was a whole new ballgame then. Did I become bold? Hey, what happens in Florida, stays in Florida....but I soon realized that my needs ran deeper than a sexual nature and were more intense. I needed/wanted true friendships and long lasting ones, not flings. So I learned to screen men and weed out the shallow ones, which was most of them, and make long lasting friendships with the ones worth keeping (In my estimation).

My assertiveness came from my saying to them, "thank you, but I really don't see that we have that much in common, but I'm sure you'll find someone to match your drive for ____" you fill in the blank.

There are too many diseases out there for me, and too many wanting someone to mother them, raise their children, or dip into your retirement/401 fund. No thanks.

I divorced when I was 48. I was self-supporting -- in fact I was supporting everyone, which is one of the reasons I divorced! I felt good, but knew I wanted to be in a relationship -- it was important to me. But I took the time to work on me (I'd had a few failed relationships) and had just settled into living alone the rest of my life when -- poof! the man I love walked into my life. The thing is that even after I came to the conclusion I could live alone, I was still open to possibilities.

IMHO, all sex should be protected until everyone has been tested. My husband I didn't have it until we'd both been given a clean bill of health by our doctors.

Enjoy the freedom and fun!

I've worked with so many battered women that "believe" they can't support themselves when in truth, they have been taking care of everyone! Shows how boggled the mind can become. I think finances keep a lot of women trapped in bad relationships.

You bet it does, and that is the sadness of trying to begin a life on your own. Some women marry right out of their parents homes and have never earned a living. Even when we have good educations and work experience it's hard. If I had a husband chances are my plumbing would have been fixed already. Humm, would rather have leaky pipes however.

Hello Amy H and welcome. I have just been through some traumatic relationship and life experiences and it is great to read your uplifting post for middle age and single women. I decided to stay married, I did the sums and know I can live quite comfortably without my husband. That really helped me as I did not want to feel that I stayed married because of the financial security. I married straight from home and have never truly lived on my own. I think that if I had a period in my life of living on my own, my decision to stay or not stay in the relationship may have been different, who knows. But it is great to know that there are many women, who have been married are now single and have come out the wringer better then ever. Thanks for sharing AmyH.

Dianne, I think so many of the women believe they need a whole lot more money to survive than they actually need. And when it comes to battered women, I believe wholeheartedly in using any public assitance you can get your hands on.

When I was considering which path to take, I did a budget for myself and found that my wage alone could support my self, my mother and my children and that actually gave me strength to help confirm my final decision.