Have any of you ever been friends with a man for a long time, then began to look at him in a different light (meaning, becoming attracted to him)?

We're going out this weekend to a boat show (as friends). It will be the first time we've ever done anything except meet at a local restaurant (where we first met) to share a meal. He has indicated interest in the past, but accepted the "let's be friends" from me because I was (and still am to an extent) involved with someone else (although I am ready for this other relationship to end and have told the SO that he needed to find someone else. We still meet for dinners, etc., but we both know it's not the same. And there has been no physical activity in months.)

I think if he felt interest from me he'd reciprocate.

Thoughts?

Whirlwind

The relationships where you get to be friends first for sometime usually work out well. The initial strain is gone, the nervous newness is gone and you feel familiar and comfortable with this man already so its all up hill from there. Go slowly and let your heart be your guide, you already like this man so love could be the next step. I wouldn't drift between him and the old relationship however and would nip that one in the bud. If its over, its over and the new guy might resent being second best...?

[ January 09, 2006, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

chatty, what great advice. I think it's best to be friends first.

I tell my kids they should be best friends with whoever they marry.

I so agree and when I didn't follow my own advice it ended badly for us....Your kids have a very smart and talented mother, hope the appreciate that...oh and is this advice contest worthly, LOL ,LOL

Yes, chatty's advice is great. I wouldn't recommend drifting either. My current husband was my friend first. My friends would tell me to "go for it" in regards to dating him but I wasn't ready. His friends would tell him the same thing, but he had just been divorced only 3 months earlier. Even though I knew the week that we met that we would marry (yes, the M word) Even though I told him in our first conversation: "I was married before and I will NEVER get married again" (a reverse premonition?) we got married 4 years after we met. Not all relationships have to be destined for marriage. I'm just saying that's what happened to us. I had spent many years celibate and not dating before I "allowed" myself to have a deeper friendship with the man I subsequently married, and it took me many months before I "allowed" myself to have a sexual relationship with him. We actually talked about sex beforehand engaging in it 1) would a sexual relationship jeopardize our great friendship or 2) would a sexual relationship enhance it? We decided that we had so much affection and chemistry that it was worth the risk, and #2 was the result. (Gosh, everything I write is public domain???) At the time that I met my now husband, I had a female roomate. I said I wouldn't consider having sex with a man who was not a friend first and she said she had never had sex with a man who was a friend. We were 28 at the time and she had sex with over 200 men. I don't know how I took the leap from friends to dinner to sex. Sorry, whirlwind! I guess it's the memoir writer in me. I'm practicing for writing a book about finding mr right, also temporarily titled as learning to trust after trauma. I better get off the internet before I tell the whole story to my boomer sisters pre-publication! Dotsie is right. I can't imagine being with someone who is not my best friend.

Nearly forgot these up to date statistics...

DATING - KAISER REPORT 2005

*31% of ages 41-49 are actively dating...
*14% of ages 50-59 are actively dating...
*19% od ages 60-69 are actively dating...

*10% of ages 41-49 are internet dating...
*08% of ages 50-59 are internet dating...

I am the happy exception to all the rules. My husband was not my friend first. In fact, I didn't even know the guy. We got married in a fever.

We had both been married before and were resigned not to marry again. But when we met, we were suddenly the impetuous kids we had never really had the chance to be. We eloped after three weeks, one of which I was traveling.

Over the past two and a half years, we've become friends and lovers. We have known the joy and excitement of discovering each other inside the marriage and it's been great. We have so much fun together.

I would recommend it only if it happens. I don't think it's something you can plan for.

smile