Recently an ex that I've discussed here before with quite negative responses to my question or issue called. My hard headed, hot pants self decided that I was strong enough to meet with him on a 'just a friendly chat' date. My goodness!

Of course my resistence intrigued him and he began laying the lines on so very thick. He sure has a way with words. His words made vivid images of our past carnal conquests appear before me like a virtual foreplay. I kept my cool, for the most part. But, the third martini made me loose my bikini.

Now I'm mad at me and sad that I've re-opened that tender wound. Silly me, I know. Now my mind is fixated on the things he promised he'd never do again. Now my mind wants to play these tricks on me and have me believe that he's telling me the truth. My heart has been through sooo much and I just don't think I can, even if he's telling the truth.

Chatty, I know you say that I shouldn't think from that end but plz don't be judgemental here. I've known him for over twenty years and seven of those years I've spent loving him, or what I 'thought' was love.

How do we know when it's time to trust again. I know many folk have forgiven their mates over and over. How do you know when it's ok or real or should that just be a natural feeling that no words can explain?

Our conversations that's followed that whew! evening have indicated lots of positive change...lots of introspection on his part and time passed to boot.

HELP! I don't know if it's just my hot pants telling my heart stories or what the hay is going on here. Could this be some dormat form of loneliness rearing its ugly head?

Sugaree Hotpants!

[ March 19, 2005, 01:14 AM: Message edited by: Sugaree ]

LOL! Should I have posted this in the 'Our Bodies' forum?

Time will tell. Listen to your spirit because it will never lie to you. Somewhere, deep inside of you, you know the truth but haven't touched on it yet.

You might have one of those men that only want what they can't have...the big challenge and when it's gone, they are gone too.

I just hope you can find true love and this isn't something that will break your heart.

Sugaree, having been married to a liar myself, what I can say is they mean it when they say it, but they have no honor when it comes to keeping a committment. If they change their minds and decide not to, or they're going to, that's it. What ever they promised you is, in so many words, 'tough dooky'. And remember this, too..."You fall in love with what you think you see". Yes, that's a quote. My own quote. Hot pants and loneliness are a deadly combination. Do leopards ever change their spots? You tell me? I haven't seen it, but it could happen, I guess. Do you want to take that chance that it's a real change? Or maybe it's just a bottle of Clairol again....? Good luck, my friend. There are no easy answers in the love game. Especially when one of the parties doesn't play by the 'rules'. L>

I have to roll my sleeves up for this one. I am not going to be judgemental here, not one bit. Unique has hit all the nails right on the heads and I couldn't have said it better myself. Now if your hot pants need an occasional cooling have at it, why not, the men do it all the time? But besides using your "lower brain" use the one on your shoulders as well, keep him at arms length emotionally, men are compulsive liars and he has shown you his best and worst. He hasn't changed, but use him for a play toy, why not. DO NOT let him move in or let yourself NEED it to be true. Sugar you know me and how I think. Unfortunately I am usually right on the money and I agree here with Unique..."You do fall in love with what you think (and want) you see." I added a little. Be smart, strong and hell, have fun...He will!!!

LMAO! “Alright, alright! Take it easy and slow. Just hush it up because you KNOW she’s right! You’ve been there and done that and yielded the same results each time,” Sugaree says to herself aloud, then sighs, before replying to Chatty’s inexorable carnal revelation. She wipes the dust from her monitor to make sure she’s seeing all-knowing words of Chatty right, again. She commences to laugh over and over as she pecks out her reply:

Chatty, my only pitiful answer to my own hot pants silliness is that my physical bliss was trying to fool me, again, into thinking that this could work. The combination of his latest rise in economic status ($), his deeper concepts of life revealed to me after the cigarette in my candle-lit room and the sweet wine, must have caused this euphoric sentiment.

Ok, it’s day number three or four here, post Whew! I see the spots again, Unique. He was hiding them pretty good there for a few days. Cute, seductive and perfect spots, might I addJ (sigh). This just can’t be right. It’s so hard to believe that all of that was acting. We have more conversation than whew! as of late. He doesn’t believe that I will ever take him serious again. I guess he’s right. What a shame and waste. I can’t just have fun with him, Chatty. My brain goes into some strange mode when I’m around him. I’m good, happy and satisfied when we’re together. Then BOOOM! It’s all over and I’m back here crying the blues. The only problem is, I don’t want nobody but him.

Is there a cure for a love hang over?

Just TIME it really does heal the wounds or at least scab them over so we don't feel the pain as bad......Theres also SUBSTITUTION, when someone else enters the picture an nudges him to the side or out all together but thats easier said than done. One good man is hard to find in a lifetime. I managed one 47 years ago and haven't even come close again. I hope yours is out there waiting for you to trip over him. In the mean time try, try, try not to take things so seriously. Have fun and relax you'll feel better. I think of a few sayings here; A watched pot never boils OR Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened...and finally remember, flexible people never get bent out of shape....

Sugaree my dear dear friend one more added thought. When a mans lower brain (usually their only brain) is working they can be and will be sooooo charming and actually believe they are the person they say they have become, in the heat of wanting that release they will say, do and believe whatever it takes to fool, deceive and bamboozle you into the sack. I suppose we can't really blame them as they are only MEN and lack the two items needed for an honest relationship, a heart and a conscience..

boooo hhooooo hooo hoo hoooo! and then some more. What I really wanted to see here was YOU or someone saying, "Oh, people change. Sounds like he really means it, this time. He's working on his self concepts, he's got a 'good' job now and he can contribute more than just unedible beef...he's been knowing you for quite some time now so more than likely he WONT fruit up again."

But noooo! You have to go and pour red paimt on my prestine white fantasy. How dare you?!

Ok, on a more serious note here; you don't think these type change? Really. I mean, REALLY? Have you any experiences or heard of any, where those spots turned into the true spots and worked it out? See, I might be sorta stupid right now considering I'm still in my post whew! days.

This morning he invited ME to his church, to my surprise. He called just about 30 minutes prior to the start of the service, in which I do understand that his invitation may have been by design. However, for him to even recognize that HE is what may be needed for us, was certainly a plus.

I'm not Jesus. I certainly can forgive a man if He has with all of His credential. What signs, other than his physical displays of love/lust do I look for? I just find it sooo hard to believe that a man can touch and love and converse and whew! the way he has, had and so forth, w/o really feeling something, somehow.