I will be turning 40 at the end of the month. This last year has been a real trial for me. I've sent my oldest off to college, quit my job from my father and am fighting to keep my marriage of 21 years going strong. I feel like the world is crashing down on me and there's nothing I can do about it. I have become so insecure in my marriage that I am almost "needy" and that is not my personality. My husband and children all supported my quitting my job but of course the money is short right now until I re-employ myself. I am not sleeping well. It has just dawned on me that all these feelings I am stirred up about could be about me turning 40, is this normal? Any suggestions for help out there?

I'm not a counselor or anything, but I personally don't think any one age change is going to do all that to you. Age is a matter of mind; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter!

I think you've been through some very stressful experiences over the past year - that would knock anybody for a loop.

Your children are leaving home and you're worried about them, you quit your job (from your father, no less) and you're fighting for your marriage. And not working allows you all day to worry and stress about these things.

How about taking a few positive steps to get your mind off your troubles? Maybe pack a picnic and go for a hike with your hubby? (inexpensive, yet nurturing) And make up a new resume that focuses on what YOU want to do next. Bake some cookies and send a care package to your college student.

For me, the busier I am the less time I have to worry about things. Some may say that's running from the problems, but in my experience, it's my outlook that needs changing more than anything else. When I quit stressing, I realize everyone else wasn't so bad either, and it's easier for me to deal with what's left.

In fact, there was a time in my life when I thought everyone around me was negative and sour and I was unhappy with my kids and my marriage. Then I took a look at myself and realized I was just as bad. I forced myself to look on the bright side of everything, and be happy, and smile, and do caring things. And lo and behold, it all rubbed off on my family. If you're met with happiness day in and day out, it's hard to still be a sourpuss.

(Not that I can't be a witch sometimes, especially at certain times of the month!!)

Hang in there Susan40 - I'm sure others will be around soon to give you more ideas. Welcome to our forum!

Kathy

I just re-read my post - I'm not calling you a sourpuss, Susan - sorry if it came across that way.

I guess I'm just saying try to find the bright side of things and that will improve your outlook and give you a more positive boost to move ahead in your life.

Susan, I happen to agree with Kathy. Sometimes we need to get outside of ourselves.It's not easy, but often necessary cor an attitude adjustment. I would try to fill your time with things you enjoy. You may also want to try journaling to get at the core of what you may want to do best. Finding a balance between solitude with a purpose and busyness may help.

You may also want to try exercising to help with the sleep. Maybe that and a hot bath before beditme!

I hope you'll stick around and let us help you thorugh your rut. Just remmeber the clouds will move. You've been through a rough year.

Hey look at the bright side, you are a baby...just 40 ! Most of us are older, way older than that. The bright side is that at 40, you are pretty free. You finally have time to make something out of yourself, and to think of yourself and not your children. You have time to work on your marriage and make yourself more interesiting to Hubby. Wow, the whole world is our there for you...and you're still sooooo young!

Hey Susan,
I can identify with you in a sense. When I turned 40, I was in a miserable marriage and had just been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. I hated my job and my life. I started meditating alot and tuning into my spirituality. God gave me an inner peace and gave me the strength to walk away from my not so happily ever after.

Today, I am happy and blessed to have found a wonderful NEW LOVE! Sometimes I reflect on where I was in life but it only makes me rejoice in how far I've come. And you know what else, I know God's not through with me yet. I still have issues and drama with my drama queen 16 yr old but I keep praying and that's what gives me the faith to believe things will always get better. You hang in there!

Susan, Try sitting down comfortably in nice quite surroundings where you can remain alone as long as need be with only a pen and paper for company. Then first write down the things bothering you one by one. Now cross off the things that you have no control over, like turning 40, then write in some positive effects of turning 40 or whatever else you've writen there....Then with the remaining subjects think of and write down ways you might get a handle on these things, like your 21 year marriage, being or appearing toi be too needy, and then the short money situation. I doubt turning 40 is the cause of this turmoil but another iron in the fire so to speak. Things have a way of all sneaking up on us at once, or so it seems. I have no idea of your religions affiliations but do know from my own experience that truly believeing in God and turning your life over to him will help and I am very sincere in that fact.
Try prayer, talk to him whenever you feel upset or helpless and he will listen. Remember your list and tackle one thing you have control over at a time. Small steps!

Good advice chattylady!

Thank you all for your advice and words of wisdom. I am a christian and I know that this is just a "season" and it will pass, it's just ironic to me that it all happens when I turn 40.
I'll be fine, I am a strong person and have a God who will get me through anything life can throw at me. I just needed someone to talk to about it all - thanks for listening.

Hi Susan,
Yes, this season will pass, you are right. Hang in there and know that you have many friends here on this forum. Maybe you can help us sometime!

Kathy