I have been so busy this year, and haven't been around here much. But this is still the place I come to for comfort and sharing.

This has been a very tough year. Dennis (my partner) was officially diagnosed with MSA - a disease that will progress quickly and in a not very pretty way. He was hospitalized with pnuemonia in March. He had 2 surgeries in July and has been to the ER 6 times in 2009.

In May my father died suddenly (I am happy about the way he died, but not the death) leaving my mother, with alzheimer's disease living alone in a city 2 hours away.
Mother moved to an assisted living home in August near where I live. I sold my parents house and all of their belongings in September.

Today I got a call at work that my mother had been taken to the hospital because she fell and fractured her pelvic bone in several places. She will be in the hospital for a few days, until she feels comfortable walking.

My question is, how does one make peace with the health fairies? When is enough, really enough?

Anne, I agree with what you say. I am feeling sorry for myself right now because I really think I have been handed more than I can handle. And then I feel guilty because I am simply the carer and not the person sick.

You are right, also, that I need to take care of myself. I try, but I need to try harder in that area, too.

I'm with Anne in saying that I wish I had the words to comfort you right now. I think of my friend who has had a heart attack, got better, her dad and mom both diagnosed with terminal cancer, they died within two months of each other, she has car wreck (not her fault) and it tore her rotor cup into, she has surgery, gets home, and three days later falls out of bed breaks wrist in three places, husband has heart attack, both her limbs are in casts, can't feed herself, wash herself or even wipe herself, her job is threatening to fire her because of loss work time and none of it was foreseen or her fault...And all of this happens within 8 months time.

How do people put one foot in front of the other?

I love the saying that God doesn't give me more than He believes I can handled but why does he have to trust me so much?

I think sometimes we just have to sit quietly and say, "It is what it is." I would tell myself that when daddy was sick. Somehow that simple phrase got me through it.

Please know that we are here and holding you close. Come here anytime you want...say anything you want. We are listening and we all care.

Oh my JJ, how in the world did your friend deal with all of that?

I am feeling better today. Just putting it down to share with others helped me let go.

Today D and I have an appointment with a therapist. Hopefully this will help, too.

I've been saying the Serenity Prayer quite often lately. That helps me.

Anno, I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I so wish I was around to put hands on some of this stress. From a distance, know my heart is with you.

I'm glad you feel as though you can come here and vent. Sometimes getting things on paper/computer helps.

Regarding Mom, is there anyone else in your area that can help with visiting her?

Every hour, try taking a couple deep breaths. It's been helping me this week.

Stay well.

What a remarkable man Anno.
I believe part of my healing plan is to GUIDE my head not to think..worry or plan.That overload hurts.So I agree getting away is good.Today the shore an ice cream and looking at the sailboats.A walk round a very old graveyard and sensing the calm that ancient wisdom has left in a beautiful area.

Anno, the following are not my words. I chose this thought, in hope that it will help you at least a little.

Be Tolerant
You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence. It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving. And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.

Anno, I just want to add, that maybe ‘tolerant’ is not quite the right word. I just copied this the way I received it. I know how you love your Dennis and that you don’t need to tolerate him.
But I think when you are plain pumped out,...maybe it is the right attitude; just to keep you going. We can steer our lives only to a certain point. Illness and the hard knocks that can touch our lives, is simply beyond our control So what is left? I guess it is tolerance, afterall.

We think we have problems until we read those tribulations others are suffering through. I have to admit I feel sorry for myself and trapped but yet feel embarrassed as well for complaining when I have my health and could just ignore the disease living in my own home, my ex. This isn't anything to help you I know but just wanted to say I apologize for feeling sorry for myself when others have so much to handle. You will be rewarded in heaven for the person you are Anno. I would bet on that...

I knew if I came here and whined a bit I would end up feeling so much better. Wonderful.

Edelweiss, sometimes I do need to tolerate Dennis. Our relationship has changed so much, and loving aside, I have to tolerate his requests with generosity.

Dots, there is no one else here for Dennis or my Mother. His family - one sister - is out East, and while interested in his life, not really wanting to help out. My mother has a few friends now in the Assisted Living place, but all the rest of her friends live 100 miles away, in her home town.

Anne, that man sounds very strong and very at peace with his life. Blessings to him.

Chatty, there is no shame in wishing your ex wasn't living with you. After all he is an EX and he should be gone.

My mother is really confused right now. She was just starting to feel really comfortable in her new home - it's been two months now - and the routine of the day and week was suiting her fine. Now she is in the hospital and will have to go a transitional care unit until she can move back into her apartment. I think this will end up being a giant set back for her. Poor woman - lost a husband in May, sold her house, moved to a new city and a new apartment in August and now this.

Mountain, perhaps I should spend a few days with you. You seem to know how to find peace.