I posted awhile back about my really psycho sister in law whose children I am trying to get help. This sister in law that moved in for awhile is her sister.

Here is the hassle. My husband, whom I have known since I was a kid, and I, haven't seen her since we were kids! My husband was raised by his mother and she was raised by her father when my husband was 9 and they split! So, we have this stranger in our home because she got into money trouble trying to move to Montana and had to come home to "get on her feet."
This woman is different than I, and it's starting to show. Although I can get along with anyone and show them grace, (finishing school!) she is loud person and not very gracful. When we were kids she used to play tricks on us and use us for practical jokes but she is behaving as well as she can so far, three days. It's so hard to have a harsher personality in close living quarters! My son's have a sort of grace to them and are not loud, at least not at home and think that argueing, as I do, is a big waste of time. This woman is full of gossip, which I don't do, really, eats a WHOLE lot more than me and then calls herself "fat," but I just tell her that her body is normal and fine. She even left a smell in the guest room that my husband couldn't stand so he aired it out! lol. It was a chemical smell or something he said!
It's the sort of thing like banging pots and pans and I set them down lightly. Staying up late and getting no sleep when I ALWAYS sleep eight hours or I am a waste! She knows girls that have been exotic dancers and I know ballerinas, you see?
ARGH! I know that she sees we are different and she's trying to meld into our house but I am having a bit of a bad time because stress causes me more chronic pain.
I'm not asking for advice, just good thoughts for her to find employment, remodel the place she is remodeling as a studio apartment to go FAST, and for her to get going ASAP!

And maybe I can come back to this thread to whine now and again??? Wow. It's hard for me to live with a sort of person, I am SO trained in finishing school, ballet, etc, and am not used to your average person who will say, watch a soap opera or the Simpsons! That's just not me, you know.

Still, I french braided her hair for her when she asked, I stocked the frig with what she eats, (all different from me,) I clean the sheets on her bed, wash her towels and put it all in place for her when she is off working on her life. I'm being good. She is not used to living in such "class and peace," she said. I told her that maybe she would get used to it. It was all I could say! I can't make chaos, right? She has not complained yet but you know how you try to read your guests? She is, today, going to see a friend before she comes home from working on her remodel. I think that is to let her let her hair down because she is afraid to do it here! It's okay for her to let her hair down but I don't know how to incourage her to do that when I don't let mind down like she does, you see?
ah, in laws. I'm trying.

thank you for reading. I needed to share.

dancer9 can't help it!

Dancer..oooooooo. I am hearing you and feeling for you. Just keep up the whining when you need it. We´re here to give you a BIG HUG and help you to not loose it. Maybe she won´t stay that long, you never know. And we are all very different..as you say.

Lots and lots and lots of hugs..warm, bug, cuddly ones...but I am trying to be gentle,too, so as not to cause you any more physical pain that you already have.

Humlan,
Thank you sweetie.
You are very kind, and you deserve that love we are discussing!
dancer

Dancer, I know you're trying to be gracious, but can't you just kick her out? "Fast remodeling" is an oxymoron. Okay, you went to finishing school and I flunked out of pit bull training school, but...

Don't you have a little guest house out back? If not, you can buy a tent.

I know, I'm being bad again!

lololol Meredith! That's the idea!
D

Anne3, I think she comes under squandering, she inherited 150,000.00 plus from her mother, cutting my husband out of anything their mother had because he wouldn't sue, and she says it's gone. She got this money less than a year ago and I'm told it could not be all gone. She says she's broke. I started this by sending her 2000.00 to help her in Montana to stay there but she lost her job, they said she was not "welcome back," again to where she worked. Now, she lands here. She seems to have money to "remodel," but not to pay her rent in Montana and find another job!?

I'm not sure if this will last long considering her brother, my husband is getting really tired of her already. She asked his morning as leaving if he would have bread and a salad with dinner.

Oh, family can be our best friend or our worst enemy. It was me who helped her with money, my husband would not, he said it was not worth it. uh huh, he was right. Now this...

I'll keep you informed..

dancer

Dancer I have to say this, You are not helping her, you are enabling her... STOP NOW!! She isn't being honest wih you, and is taking advantage of you kindness and sweet nature. Stay true to your husbands wishes as you would want him to stay true to yours...

Funny you should say that, Chatty! I AM now going with his wishes and he wants her to fend for herself, he wants me to not call her about dinner, not ask her if she'll be here tonight, and let her be. I am doing this. I am just letting her stay out and work on her "remodel," and not texting her to see if she will be home for dinner or if she likes it. He says he will "wean," her off us now and he is ready to do it.
I stayed asleep this morning as he told me to go ahead and do instead of waking up to greet her and make sure she was comfy.
I was getting pain from what I was doing so when he offered his ideas, I did as you say, I honored his wishes. I guess it won't be long now.

thank you for caring, Chatty. You are 100 Percent right.

dancer9

Dancer, I just read this. I agree with Chatty. This woman, relative or not, is taking advantage of you and your husband. It's one thing to try to help her out, but your home is NOT a hotel. Staying there and expecting you to wait on her hand and foot is absurd and rude. When she comes home, tell her there is some lettuce and tomatoes in the fridge if she would like to make herself a salad and introduce her to the washing machine. I'm sure you could tell her in a nicer way than I would that while she is a guest in your home, she will need to get off her duff and do for herself and that the word "doormat" is not written on your chest. Someone expecting me to wash their sheets and towels when I'm doing them a favor by letting them stay at my home wouldn't last long with me. You're her sister-in-law, not her slave. But, if you let her do it, she will keep it up. Good luck.

Yes, just say "my house is your house"...which means:self service, change beds and cleaning up after yourself. Tell her you aren't feeling well, and you would appreciate it if she would take care of those things, and maybe even help you out abit.