Wasn't even sure if I should whine about this? Maybe it's just me and my hormone ups and downs, so tell me girls if I'm behaving like a nut..lol!

Here goes......

I was on another board for 7 years. Made 3 great friendships, one I thought was a very close one. 7 years we laughed and cried together. They meant so much to me, these 3 ladies. Then one day one of them invited everyone to facebook. I have nothing at all against social networking. I think it's great for most everyone. I'm a bit of a private gal, never had the self-esteem to post pictures, etc. so facebook was not for me.

I don't understand why they dont even email me anymore. I finally got a responce from one of them after 5 weeks. She told me shes just to busy. Only one of them works outside the home. I know we're all busy but in my heart if they were the friends I thought they were shouldnt they take just a minute to say hello in a short email. Is email dead these days?

I dont expect long emails, just once a month would warm my heart. This has me feeling very sad like I've lost something very special. I could never do this to someone. I always fret if I dont reply in a day or so to others. I try to be kind and considerate.

7 years is a long time and I feel very sad. I need friends. I guess mostly I dont understand how they can do this. Just because I dont go on facebook they ignore me??

Is this me, am I to sensitive, am I being a baby? I feel like a baby, but it does hurt.

Maybe I think differently than most. I'm just not sure?

This is such a warm and strong sisterhood. Could you do that to any of your sisters here?

I hope to become your friend.

I'd really appreciate your help in this issue.

Thanks,

Nora

Just a quick response, though your post deserves more and better...I'll try to get back and respond with more later. But from someone who knows firsthand, I'll share that Facebook is EXTREMELY addictive. My bet is that your friends have become totally immersed in the various apps and games and although they're unlikely to admit it, they might be so addicted that they can barely come up for air, much less remember to email. I caught myself falling into that "Facebook stupor" and had to pull back. Honestly, it's entirely possible for someone to play 24/7 and still not keep up with all the requests/games/interactive requirements of so many of the games.

I think it has absolutely nothing to do with you personally, but what I myself experienced and have witnessed in others I've met there. I've never gotten to the point of missing meals, appointments or sleep, but I do know people (including parents of young children) who have. It's deceptively dangerous unless one has both eyes open to the danger.

It's probably not much comfort, but eventually they'll come up for air and realize the need for healthier balance. In the meantime, the women here, as busy as we all are with our lives, are committed to maintaining the culture and heart of BWS. But it IS a reality that people's lives do drift off in different directions...one of the greatest miracles of this place is that it empowers women to the extent that they often find new passions and directions for their lives...which then takes them away from us, which is good for them, sad for us. Everything and everyone evolves.

But to answer your most pressing question as to why they haven't even emailed you? I strongly suspect it's because they've fallen into that deep black hole of Facebook addiction. Let's hope they come out soon!

Hi Nora,
We only have time for so much, and so many people are choosing their choce of online time more carefully. I have a Facebook page but am not active on it. I think most people who use it regularly tend to post on their friends pages to communicate, rather than using email. I'm still an email fan, but maybe if I was more involved with Facebook that would change.

Other times, we do actually get too busy with our lives and spend time on other things. I was on this board for two years and met lots of wonderful ladies, but just came back after a 6-8 month hiatus. I just needed a break, it was consuming too much of my time. As you know, it's easy to browse around and get lost in the posts. Now I have to monitor my time better so I don't fall into that same habit again.

I don't think you're being a baby at all, just a little sensitive to the fact that you're missing your friends. It could be the friendship was more important to you than to them, or it could be very simple and they really don't have the time or inclination to stay in touch.

Have you been to their facebook pages? Maybe that will tell you more about what you're up to. And you don't have to post photos on there, you could still be involved with them if you truly want to be.

Good luck!! and nice to meet you!

Kathy

Did you ever meet these online friends in person, Nora? ANd how many times thereafter in person?

It might be alot easier to drop an online friend if one doesn't meet face-to-face often. Cruel, but reality.

Right now I don't have a very close female friend here in Vancouver. Just more face-to-face warm, but somewhat distant friendships. I spend several hrs. maybe several times a year with such women individually or with their spouse...which is a different dynamic when my partner is around also.

But realistically I can't quite expect virtual-only online female friends to be the same as long-term face-to-face friends. A different quality. I was reminded of that when I spent time individually with each of my close friends in Toronto while visiting in past few weeks.

I'm like you... I don't need to hear from good friend frequently..just occasionally would be great.

And I haven't signed onto Facebook. None of my close friends are motivated right now either. Email works for us.

I'm sure Eagle Heart, that you are right, facebook is addictive and they must be spending alot of time on there. Many of my family are on there and really enjoy it. It's just not for me. Maybe my friends will come up for air. I would hope so, but if they don't I'll make new friends here. Everything does evolve and maybe I should branch out a little more. I so appreciate your help.

Hi Kathy, Nice to meet you too! I was being to sensitive. I tend to be like that, but I'm trying to be less so. It seems to be my nature. Gets me in trouble at times! I do think that the friendships were more important to me. Maybe they need to move on. I dont have a facebook account anymore so I guess if they want to contact me they will by email. If not, I'm ok now. You girls have helped so much just by talking with me.

Orchid, Hi! I haven't met them so that will make it easier. I just have to convince myself that theres a big world out there and many friends to make. I guess the 7 years just seemed a long time, but like I said to Kathy, I feel better now. I do have a high school friend right here near me that I really need to get together with. When our children were small we did everything together. I need to call her and make a lunch date. Thanks so much.

You girls are great!!

Nora

I'll weigh in on this a bit because I have close friends who are online...and offline. I also have a set on FB, and then HERE.

Some overlap. What I have found about friendships is that we get what we put into it, so true...but...sometimes, what starts out as a great friendship can also, for some unknown reasons to us, peter out over time. I say accept it, love them from a distance and move on. Fill your life with others and seek new friendships.

I keep thinking of that poem about the butterfly that goes something like if you set it free and it comes back, bla...bla..bla.

Never could remember stuff....sigh.

AnyHOO...make new friends was my point, but continue to hold the old ones in your heart. I have friends from my past RE-renter my life all the time. I'm so happy to hear from them. But I let them go when they leave. You know?

And on the sensitive thing...me too. What is it with us?

I think people are the same with online relationships as they are with face to face relationships. If your'e the type that will always and forever keep up with friends in person, you do the same with your online friends. Maybe these gals have dropped some local friends too?

I remember being told as a child
"you cant please all of the people all of the time".
To seek universal approval is a hard task.Things go on in others lives that influence their behaviour.Not to take personally a perceived slight..it may start a downslope in a relationship.you think one thing the friend thinks another and valuable friendship time and sharing gets lost.
I have stayed in the same area all my life and have strong friendships with a wide circle...male and female.we just got older.
I am careful never to carry stories and if ever someone starts to discuss someone in a bad way I have said...that person is my friend so you will understand I wont say anything.
People matter to me.

Personally, I'm not hip with Facebook. That acronym, TMI comes to mind. Just seems so impersonal. Most people I know in person are very wishy washy, don't follow through, whether family or whatnot, thus I've learned through my life's experiences to not trust very many folk, with exception of myself -- I had to relearn how to do that. Thus, I feel the same about Facebook, Friendster, MySpace, etc., they just seem kind of 'fake'. I've dropped out for a while from other social networking sites, and no one really cared.

As JJ said, keep the door open for old friends and acquaintances and make new ones, Nora. You'll surely find kindred spirits here. We've not come across each other's post before so now is a good time to welcome you to BWS.