homopyhobia is homophobia and its all the same nonsense right?

i walk or answere back their ways and means so i don't let it into my life much, sure misunderstanding or stuff needing sorted becouse of diffrent cultures one thing.

homophobia for just homophobia another thing.

Iv a good frend female and we been very good frends since 2 or 3 years. Anyway they meet a man, and he moved in lol. within a week! not best in my view but it happens. They been together for about 6 mounths and for last 2 mounths he incressingly getting on to her about me being gay, and if she doing anything lol and time we spend together...sillie as we just mummies together and mates.

This sillie view, it comes from type of misconstrued idea that us lot would have sex with and especiallie straight women, as if thir irrisastiable becouse thir straight! honestlie, that itself is laughable from my point of view but its an attitude out their nevertheless.

we don't even flurt and its all mummie talk, school, kids, periods the normale girlie stuff and iv been supportive of their relashionship and appeal to my mate to be understanding of him generallie.

i don't even understand it any more, as she talked to him till she blue in the face. It sounds like full blowen insecurite and jelousie.

Anyway you may not be gay lol but you got your hubbies and know how they think.
can ya shead any light on this?

something more global or, even how you prosead with an insecure and jelouse man who's prettie possesive. She still wants relashionship to continue despite his strange ways, thinks she hanging in their hopeing he get used to stuff or calm dowen and this is spacific (ghomophobia) and not just his general way with her in world.

Any ideas?

Celtic, your friend's new mate would probably be jealous of anyone who is close friends to her; either male or female.

I never had a boyfriend or a husband (and that I have had only one of) who wasn't jealous. I don't know how it is with the gay scene,…but men tend to be possessive and jealous creatures. Actually it was a reason why I ended one relationship after the other. I was always a loyal partner and never gave any of my boyfriends a reason for jealousy, - but I still had to cope with their jealous egos, as if I were the guilty one. Ugh.

So all I can say is; don't take it personally, it's a male problem. Oh, and as far as how to cope with it? I found that the more I insisted there is nothing to worry about, the more I looked suspect in their eyes. I have learned the best is to go on with my life, be true to myself, and ignore the jealousy attacks. It's a sign of insecurity, I guess.

AAAAACK!!! Unfortunately, some people are so darn insecure about themselves, Celt. If it were not about you, it'll probably be something else about her other friends. Don't worry about it. You should not duck and dodge friendships on his account. It's his problem, not yours.

He obviously has trust issues, and you and your friend don't. That's what it boils down to - don't ya think?

Has he been betrayed before - by anyone? I'm guessing he has.

Either he has been betrayed OR he was the betrayer. There is nothing worse than a guilty conscience to cause insecurities and boubt in ones lover or mate...

My description of most men are that they are EMOTIONAL CRIPPLES...

Thanks ladies and what you saying prettie acurite he has betrayed and has been unfaithfull to partners and no surprise them back to him. I honestly don't know what came first or who moved first him so his partner done it back or her and he done it to go back. Thats why i said to reasure him that nuthing was going on and give him a bit of slack.

This partners been faithfull and given him no couse to doubt her.

i offered my frend that id hang back for a bit to see if it eased any tension, she said not to, that was yesterday as i was begining to feel like i was cousing his trouble.

inicalie it was about men and so she cut dowen seeing her male mates and stopped parting with men (who were frends) after a bars etc. Since she stopped seeing her male frends its moved its focus and became about the gay thing.

I amuses me that people still hold the sillie view that any straight women ise't safe around [censored] women but it stops being funny when my frends get hurt out of it.

anyway he dumped her last night, (he's 47 and behaving like a 5 yr old. She remarked she trusted him and in and around women he liked a bit (named one women who he said he sleep with!!!) He said "iv moved on from her theirs other women if f*** first" Seemingly he always comes back from arguments with this sorta thing. It makes her upset and insecure but would i be right in thinking its ment to couse that sorta thing in her.

i do think that for this man then fredships are about sex and not frendships.

I could see point if she been misbehaving on him giving him doubt to mistrust her but she bent over backwards trying to save him from being insecure. Now i think he thinks he can just bullie her enough and she stop doing the "whatever" upsets him.

I don't think ya can help or cure insecuritie that way.

anyway i sure he be back when his tantrum is over, i also think if my frend dose give in to him on this she be giving into a lot more dowen the line. I not 100% though on it.

My inicale position was to give him a bit of slack becouse of his past, now i thinking its just a control or bullieing thing.

Is this a manipulative game play about control and saving him from any worrie or fear.

I said to her i was posting heer and she be intrested in reading what the view is on this.

thanks ladies.

Sounds like he's just not that into her! And if she's smart, she won't be that into him either. Maybe not a good match at this pint in their lives. I think it's sad. I hope she didn't get her heart broken.

Celtic, hon, a man who is homophobic is usually insecure about his own sexuality. Period. Whether he's been betrayed and he thinks it's because he failed as a lover or whether he has his own homosexual urges, he is insecure about himself.

I know that's plain and simple but in a life of dance, and knowing gays as I do, I've seen this before of men who are ignorant and who are insecure.

Tis true, he would be jealous if you were a man as well. BUT, it all stems from his OWN insecurity.

I have a friend who has been close to me since highschool who is gay and my husband does not blink an eye about our friendship. Then again, he is not insecure sexually at all.

I hope you keep your friend and educate ONE simple mind as you do!

Hang in there, hon.

Dancer

It's not just his insecurities, which are obvious to all -- but his cutting off her contact with friends both male and female is one of the early signs of an abuser.

After he finds fault with all her friends, he'll find fault with her family and co-workers as well. Abusers often start out by isolating their intended victim from people who would support them.

Show this to your friend, please. If she takes him back, the abuse will become more blatant.

This really isn't about homophobia at all. It's about seeing how much sh%t she'll take from him.

i was leaning towards and gentlie saying using my dad as an example of how this works. This very issue and rembering that any male aquantince or frend has been chased off or and she has let them drop.

However she not prepared to let me go as a frend yet, i have offered to stand back and she's "don't you dare"...I think its an isolate and conker thing which is easier than him facing his fears (in his owen mind). He went back last night all happie and sweetness which is the aftermath of an abusive situasion, its all about paterns.

I am plotting his behaviour this one as i know this pattern and i wonder why people think their being eunike in doing this type of stuff. Lack of self-awarness springs to mind and thats being kind.

i will show her this!

As many women indipendintly comeing up with assesments and thir all around the same type of thing so collectivlie your experense of life and this type of thing hitting the same maerk is educasional to people who are encounterring this for this first time and also my frend.