Sorry ladies, had to vent. With the holiday season fast approaching I am already beginning to feel the stress. My hubbies family celebrate everything. It's all getting to be a bit much. They have b-day parties for the little ones, followed a week later by a b-dinner at a restaurant. Then there's all the baptisms & blessing throughout the year (8 so far and counting). They celebrate everything, all the kids' b-days, the adult b-days now with Christmas coming I'm getting ready to explode. Every year it's the same thing. During thanksgiving (we celebrate in October up here), someone runs for the "hat", in goes everyone's name, we all pick one and buy for that person for Christmas. I could never understand why we do this because we end up buying for everyone anyways....I learned that lesson the hard & embarrassing way one Christmas when I did just that. I bought for the person I picked. It was pretty frosty in my house that night when my husband filled me in on the real rules. You pick a name but buy for everyone anyway. I stupidly asked why we pick a name. He said it was to save money. I said how do we save money if we end up buying for everyone. He said you don't buy such a big gift for everyone else, just a nice one for the name person. I just didn't get it. I thought I was in the clear this year when no one ran for the "hat". Turkey came and went. Goodbyes were said and still no one had even mentioned Christmas. I thought maybe they had all figured out that the family is just too big for this and maybe it's time everyone enjoyed a bit of the season in their own homes. Of course, I love to see them but all this gift giving is a bit much for the pocketbook on top of all the birthdays, christenings and $20 a head dinners we attend. I learned this weekend at another of the kids b-days that they have decided this year that we should all just buy for the kids for Christmas and that it would be celebrated on boxing day at my sister in laws. OK I'm glad someone said something but one thing about this family is they never think that maybe there is another side of family that needs to be squeezed in somewhere. Years ago I gave up trying to see my own family on Christmas day. We all realized it was too stressful and ever since my mom & I have gotten together for a nice visit on boxing day. Just the two of us. Real quality time. Some of my best visits have been on this day with her. Now I'm supposed to give that up and reschedule her to another day. I tried to carefully remind my hubbie of my visit to my mom's but he just answered oh well, you do your thing and the rest of us will do ours. Ouch. Not what I really wanted to hear but I guess I'll have to live with it. My family doesn't do the get together for dinner at any time throughout the year. The only time my family is together now seems to be a wedding or a funeral sad to say. I love my husband's family but gotta admit I'm not feeling especially festive after already spending a small fortune this year on all the birthdays and dinners and now I'm an outcast if I don't give in to their new schedule. Anybody else out there feeling the holidays push me pull you's?

Kira
I feel your pain. We moved 600 miles away and I thought I was finally in the clear but guess what? I am now going to be traveling 600 miles back just to keep up the tradition of spending thanksgiving with my in-laws! Not so bad until you know that they have already mentioned that they expect us to do it again for christmas. I said NO WAY!
What is boxing day? I've never heard of that one.

TVC15 - 600 miles...oh wow, I just couldn't do it. Boxing Day, is Dec. 26th...that's what we call it up here anyway. Typically a day for doing nothing except moaning over all the turkey you ate and praying little elves will come and clean up the mess left from the day before. In recent years more and more retail stores have been opening to let those shop-a-holics pick up the left over bargains.
My hubbies relatives are all in town so the drive isn't an issue. My relatives are about an hour or so away. Far enough that they never drop in uninvited but close enough that I can get to my mom if she needs me in a hurry. A lovely mix.

Kira,
Its really hard to deal with family like this isn't it.
One year my sister n' law called me with the usual and we were complaining. I fianlly just told her that we celebrate too much. We wouldn't be able to attend everything anymore and that I had a family too.
My mil cried one Easter when we didn't attend even though they told her that we were at a family wedding on my side of the family. It took that bride to tell her before she believed us.
Its hard to take a stand. I was lucky my husband agreed with me. Now that I've taken the stand everyone seems fine with what we do.
Hope this will help you. I feel a lot better now that we are sharing more.
Maggie

Maggie, wow...the bride had to tell her. That's one for the books. My inlaws aren't quite like that but they do get their little digs in throughout the course of the evening..you know little things like "oh, you wouldn't remember when that happened because that was the year you didn't come". gotta just love family get to gethers. They always leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling. My husband still hasn't clued in that I'm not having a "hot flash" I'm just hot!

Kira,
I think I'd like boxing day better than Christmas...LOL No gifts to buy, stay home and relax. That's more like it.
My MIL has been known to cry when we can't attend something and sometimes even gets physically sick. I am already dreading the guilt trip that is heading my way for Christmas this year.

Kira, as the queen (jaw-jaw) would say, "It's time to put your big girl panties on deal with it".

I hope you stick to your guns and see your mom on Boxing day. Would it be horrible if you and your hubby divided and conquered on that day?

Families are tough. We all love one another, but we take liberty to trash each other when everyone can't make the same event. Isn't that horrible? I'm guilty.

We are debating attending a family party. If I knew all the cousins were going to attend then I would make my kids go and they would all have fun because they enjoy one another's company. BUT...not all the cousins will attend, and then my kids will be disappointed because they thought everyone was going to be there. Egads. It's crazy...

Somehow, we'll all get thought these holidays and these boards will be cranking with stoires about how we did it.

I actually love the holidays. It's one of my favorite times of the year. A real mad scene, but so much fun!

Its sad to hear how some people can cause the holidays, supposedly the happiest days of the year to be the most dreaded. My huge family use to do the birthday thing, and nthe anniversary thing and so forth and so on until one year about 8 nyeaqrs ago, my mom saud: "enough! there are just too many kids and people now with kids marrying and their kids, no more, its out of control." So now everyone deals with their own kids, grandkids etc. and the family gets together for a huge Christmas Eve party at my one cousins home but everyone brings their signature dish and each person brings a $5.00 (only one each)wrapped gift to put into Santas giant bag under the tree and on the way out everyone takes a gift. Works well for those that attend. A lot of us are many thousands of miles away and don't go home, too far an too expensive. I think a line has to be drawn and if you don't draw the line where does it all end? The reatives were mad at my mom for awhile but now are all happy the way things worked out for everybody.....

It's emotional blackmail. My Mother still does it.

My sis and I were discussing this very thing just this morning. When ever Mother is "not in control" of the situation, like this upcoming TGing, she pouts.

Her way of showing displeasure with you is to cut you short on the telephone and even hang up while you are still talking. I use to panic and cry when that happened, "oh woe is me...my Mother doesn't love me..boo hoo." Then...I caught on.

So when she does it now, I just let her stew in her own juices and wait a few days, call back, and if the air is clear, we chat. Otherwise, I wait a few more. I will NOT be dictated as to how I will spend my holidays nor will I be told WHERE.

I have invited my Mother to my house for TGing, and even offered to come get her, and take her home (60 miles one way)...but noooo...she said "I just won't do anything since YOU are not coming home...sniff...sniff."

The same day, my sis called and said that her, my Mother, and another sister had split the menu for TGing THE DAY BEFORE and were having it at my sister's house. I told her what had transpired and she just laughed out loud. She said... "yep...she's trying to make you feel bad so you'll come home thinking she's all alone." Poor pitiful pearl....

The only reason I am NOT going home is that my son/wife/grandchild are having their TGing at home and invited me there.

Thanks girls...it's nice to know all families have the same issues. I did put my "big girl panties" on last night and calmly discussed everything with the mr. We both agreed it's impossible to keep both sides happy all the time, especially when his side changes things all the time. It drives him nuts too but hey, they're his family and like the saying goes, you can't pick 'em you've just gotta figure a way to deal with them. Then all of a sudden my own mother came up with a solution without even knowing there was a problem. She wants the "whole family", that's every living soul we can find to come to a gathering she is going to host in January. Of course I'm doing the planning for her but somehow I think it will be ok. Better than Christmas....now we can hopefully get everyone together at the same time, same table. That hasn't been done in at least 15 years. She's even asked me to print out our family history book that I've been working on for years to have it to give to everyone with all the old photo's etc. I'm actually looking forward to it! Gee mom's are soooo wise.