i have noticed that whenever i get together with my family and extended family, i suffer from a family hangover. i don't drink much . . . maybe a glass or two of wine . . . but some of my family members drink a lot and it ends up eating away at me. worrying me. i can't sleep thinking about them.

other family members are just irritating, constantly expecting to be waited on, complaining, or acting out in some way.

the bottom line is that i do not enjoy hanging out with my family. i do not like their company, for the most part, especially when anyone is drinking more than moderately.

there are also side arguments going on most of the time . . . some people don't understand that on holidays they should be o their best, not worst behavior. the tiffs between people kind of poison the atmosphere.

i don't think anyone is as uncomfortable with it all as i am. i just notice a lot of dynamics that are occurring and i also notice some people over-indulging. they say, "it's christmas," and then pour another drink. i do not know when christmas became equated with drunkeness . . . of course i do not say anything, that would only make things worse.

i am not a partier and i do not like to hang out with partiers. and there are people in my family who just bug the crap out of me, whom i would prefer never to interact with, but feel i have to on big holidays and i suffer a lot from it afterwards.

i guess this is a whine. i mentioned it because there is such anticipation for christmas and then there is the reality of some people's holidays that are less than nurturing or enjoyable.

Seek I certainly hope the New Year brings you more happiness than apparently your Christmas did. You're right however, some family members save up their hissy fits all year to display them in full sight of everyone on the holidays. Kind of like having a captive audience, and its the same ones griping every year too, notice?

i have noticed there are patterns. two of my "children" tend to fight with each other on christmas. the first fight that was over the top was when they were teens. they were screaming at each other. i was mortified and devastated.

then last year they did it again. they seem to have no regard for how this effects other people and the children around.

then this year, another tiff. i don't know what their problem is and why they feel ok about arguing or bickering on christmas.

i was raised to have good manners and i tried to raise my kids the same way, but apparently, it did not take. they are very selfish in this way and don't care that others are offended or made uncomfortable.

i limit my time with them as a group, now. i am declining invitations for family outings.

i can't tolerate excessive drinking or arguing. i just can't. i don't want to live that way.

unfortunately, that cuts me off from my grandchild and it does make me worry about my grandchild - what the grandchild might experience in my absence.

Seek, I'm sorry to hear that Christmas get-together wasn't quite what you wanted. Presumably if you hosted the dinner, you would limit the amount of available bottles of booze?

Excessive drinking is not a problem in our family. I guess the tendency for many Asians to get allergic/drunk fast on small amount of wine/booze, keeps our parties in check. LOL.

But yea, there are underlying arguments at times. Not prolonged, just occasionally simmering to surface and kept in check. I just found out from a sister that another sister didn't show up with her family, at the annual Christmas Eve dinner that my parents have. Another unexplained boycott which I hope will not be repeated next year. But I know my parents were abit puzzled/hurt.

Christmas only happens once a year yet things can happen that reverbrate for awhile afterwards.

honestly, i just do not like being around many of my relatives, especially when alcohol is present.

on the plus side, we did play a fun game. i mean, it wasn't a total disaster, but because of the drinking and the underlying bickering (and most significantly, a conversation i had after the party with one of my children, who was having sibbling rivalry with her sister and thus used me to throw her under the bus) i layed in bed for hours trying to get to sleep and worrying about various things (the one i spoke to on the phone said there are things i don't know about the other one, which got me worrying like crazy).

they are all just kind of toxic to me, especially when there is alcohol in the mix. they are all very sensitive, outspoken, strong, kind of bitchy women wonder where they got it???

NOW thats funny lady seek...LOL!!!

i know what you mean about familie get togethers being toxic. I just don't understand most of it or what its about. Itsa one good reason why the irish sea is bwtween me and mine familie lol. (yea dowenside too with some familie members)

i so sorry as you sound a bit sad and tired with it all and worried about or from that phone call.

i think holiday hangovers a good way to describe it even without drink. I don't know what or why people think it be better with drink unless theyr just trying to block out and get through the night/day too. holidays can have that crazie effect eh!

one more to go and then thats it for most of us, I actulie love new year, but this one gonna be strange, livable but strange.

yeah, celtic flame. thanks for the acknowledgment. i am a worrier. i think mothers tend to have that problem. i am probably worst than most in that regard. i fancy myself as rather sensitive so i notice a lot of things that other people might not notice and then worry, worry, worry.

it is better for me to have distance from my children. they are going to do things, on a daily basis, that will have me concerned. they are just different types of people than i am.

here is an example from just yesterday. two of my kids and i had a very nice lunch and then a walk in a nature preserve that banks an ocean. there were signs all over saying "area closed" and "stay back, sheer cliff." one of my daughters went way beyond the sign and was mocking me for telling her to come back. they are kind of dare devils. it is funny, but i remember thinking one time i would never take that one daughter to this place, just for fear she would do what she did.

by the grace of something, she did not plummet to the ocean. but they made fun of me for "playing by the rules."

anyway, this should be in the "whine" section, for sure! i am sad about it all and tired as i can be of dealing with it.

seek, is it ever possible to have a gathering at your home without alcohol? Another thing I think is helpful is spending time one on one with our children. Then you don't have to put up with the sibling stuff that goes on when they're together.

What game did you play? One of our favorite group games is Apples to Apples. We've played with three generations present and there really are generational differences in the way we think. Another good game is Pictionary. Haven't played that in years, but loved playing it at family holiday gatherings. We've even played Bingo. I think games are a fun way to lighten things up.

hi dotsie . . . i don't know the name of the game, but you roll a die to come up with a letter and then everyone has so long to make a list of 12 things (as suggested on a card) that start with that particular letter. i am not explaining it right, but it was really fun. we all enjoyed it.

the festivities were not at my house. we usually serve wine at parties. just recently one of my family members has started drinking more than i have noticed before. but they all drink a lot, apparently.

you are right about getting them split up . . .one of my eldest asked to come visit me in front of everyone else and the other ones then wanted to be included. it always skews the dynamics. i prefer them all one-on-one (except for the one who drinks a lot -i don't like spending much time with that person ever - too moody and unpredictable and too much drama).