How have you developed relationships with nieces and nephews, if you have any?

I live so far from all of mine...Two are in the UK, one in VA, one in NC, three in NJ...me in NM.

Sadly I never really got close to them since I left 20 years ago when the oldest was 3 yrs old. But I'd love some advice...I really need to get to know them more..since they MAY be taking care of me when I am old!

You would be great for Big Sister organization/fundraiser, Di.

I've know the first set of niece and nephew since they were babies...but increasingly distant as they got older (not surprising.) since they are 22 and 20 yrs. respectively. Did the usual stuff when they were younger,...I looked after them for an evening, go on an outing. After all, they have 4 other aunts and 1 uncle on my side to be doted on. And now I live over 4,000 kms. away.

I'm happy to say ....that these young adults...do also bike around as a means of transportation. As an enthusiastic aunt, I did go on long bike ride with them.

Then another set of nephews and niece much younger.
Still another ...that is being developed in sis' tummy. The eldest from this set is 10 yr.....and this year, recently cycled 50 kms. in 1 afternoon with father in a large MS fundraising ride.

I don't expect any of them to look after me when I grow old. (I sense your joke was a half-joke?) I hope they look after/visit their parents. That is no.1 priority and should always be.

I'm just pleased and happy they are all happy and healthy so far. That's all that I ask of them in relation to me. If my friendly presence,...as a sister of their mother, helps them "bond" closer in terms of identity to mother's side of family, I'm pleased also to serve this purpose.

In fact, I know I do serve this purpose, since one of my sisters married someone who is white, for their children to know the "Chinese" side of the family, probably has given them a far greater well-rounded understanding of their own identity.

How about corresponding online to reconnect? Do you have their email addresses? Maybe you could make them an email group and send them occasional jokes and updates on your life.

I have begun emailing with my kids and test messaging too. It's another way to stay connected.

Our oldest is in Houston on business and texted us about the nice restaurant he was eating in last night. We corresponded and looked it up online and texted back and forth a few times. It was fun.

Di, I would reach out. I think younger people need more boomers in their lives. We have so much to share and so do they.

I started an extended family website a year ago through
www.myfamily.com
Even those that don't live far away always participate. We share photos, recipes, history, what's new and lots of other things. We have family participating from all over the country. It keeps us in touch in our busy lives and we all enjoy it!

This is totally cool. I've never even heard of this site. Ladyjane, want to begin a topic about it under Recommended Links?

Now all I have to do is talk one of my sisters into beginning one. HA!

Perhaps just best to have a friendship with niece(s) and nephew(s). To expect/hope one of them to look after you..is in my mind, an unfair expectation.

Seriously. It's just setting oneself up for disappointment..and there is most likely a higher probability since people are far more mobile these days with their life plans and where they choose to live.

After all, many parents have grown children who don't even visit them hardly at all long after they leave home...or even nominally support them. And there are adult children who just don't care about their aging parents...at all.

Children...birth children, stepchildren, nieces and nephews they have their own dreams, daily lives...it's tougher nowadays to pin hopes that they will always respect and honour the elders. Some do, but shockingly I hear enough people...don't.

Most likely what would be more valuable to me when I become frailer, is simply younger people's friendship.

What is more useful to consider as time moves on, is having good friendships across generations and these wouldn't have to be people related to oneself by marriage or by family.

I have to agree with Orchid. You could/would be setting yourself up for a big let down. It is also an unfair expectation to place on anyone, really. Although I completely understand your concerns. Orchid said "What is more useful to consider as time moves on, is having good friendships across generations and these wouldn't have to be people related to oneself by marriage or by family." I think this is the best bet. Just because one has any family at all does not assume that anyone would step forward and stop life to be a caregiver full time.

Di, if it were me I would begin NOW to find other means of being takken care of in old age etc. Why would you even expect a niece or nephew would step in and care for you, even if they knew you well, and were close by you. They have their own mother and father to worry about.

I am being realistic here and fear you are NOT. If these nieces and nephews have spouses do you really imagine they want someone around that needs constant care under foot? I doubt it. Taking care of any old/sick person takes all one can munster and its difficult even when you love the person to death, like a parent.

I suggest you begin thinking rationally and making other arrangements. My Uncle 89, sold everything and moved into an assisted living complex and he is as happy as a lark. He manages to have some dignity, freedom, and yet the care he needs. He has seven children scattered across the country and none offered to take care of him, they have their own busy lives, spouses and children to deal with. He at least has insurance so would not pose a financial burden as well.

See what I am saying here and these are his blood, and they love their dad? Before the time comes when you need to be taken care of, start making plans becasuse otherwise you will be in for a big shock and let down.

The only old people others fight over, are usually very very wealthy and the caregivers stand to inherit that wealth.

Maybe daughtgers or sons whose spouses have gotten to know the oldster well and loves them enough to bear the financial, mental and psychical burder caregivers endure...