Our grand daughter just spent 3 overnights with us. Poor little angel has a bad cold. Don't you hate it when a baby can't blow her/his nose?

Well, here is my problem…and I'd be very grateful to hear what you all would do.

My son ( 28 years old) is crazy about his daughter and is a dad that doesn't shy from changing diapers or getting up nights to feed his child. Although he is very caring, I think he makes so many serious mistakes. He lacks the normal protective instinct that a parent should have for his child. Let me give you a few examples:

His ten-month-old daughter stands up in the highs chair and leans out, one leg propped on the little table. I bound over from across the room to catch her, while he sits directly next to her and just watches!!!!! ( We've bought a harness for her which he refuses to use).

Then he chases her over our bed, which is cute, but she scrambles as fast as a cat leaping out of a barrel. Our bed is very high. Grandma action is called for! I run from one end of the bed to the other to be there in case she rolls off, while my son yells at me to stay calm!!!!

When our son wanted to bring our grandchild (who has a terrible cold and cough), to his freezing car, he didn't even put a jacket on her! (It's snowing outside! ) I grabbed our grandbaby out of his arms, and brought her back in the house. Put her hat and winter jacket on, and wrapped her legs in a baby blanket. Well…that was the last straw for my son. He took her out of my arms, and said the biggest mistake parents make is dressing their children too warm. He said that he has the say, he's the father, and I better stop telling him what to do!

He plays with her as if she were five or six. He roars like a lion and chases her. She squeals, he says because she like it…I say because she's frightened. My list goes on and on. And I could constantly reprimand him.

My DIL is a wonderful mother. My son's wife is a professional athlete and has games almost every weekend, so she isn't always there to control what is happening. Infact she asked me to take the grandchild weekends, because she worries about leaving her alone with my son. We would take her, but of course our son doesn't always comply. He thinks because he is the father that no matter what he does, he has a right to do it.

My son has a big heart and family means the world to him, but he has the fattest head and the biggest chip on his shoulder, that I have ever been confronted with. I think it’s a maturity problem. I just can't explain it.

I wonder if any of you have or had a similar problem. Or does anyone have a suggestion for me as to what I should do? Behind my son's back, my husband agrees totally with me, confirming that I'm not being overly protective. But when I ask my husband why he doesn't support me, it's like talking to a wall. He won't get involved and that's all there is to it. Men! Sometimes I can't stand them; husband or son…!

It was such a wonderful weekend with our grand child. It makes me so sad that it had to end this way. Oh now, dear Hubby just came up to tell me that he will have that talk with our son. Thank you dear God, so there is hope.

Sounds like your son is competing or feels he needs to be in charge, regardless. If it were my son, I'd have a very serious talk but as we know, it usually does no good until they learn the hard way, which would be very sad in this situation.

Dianne, I think you hit the nail on its head. Our son has had financial problems, which we have helped him through. Maybe this is his was of showing us that we aren't controlling his life completely. What a stupid way, though. I think I need some distance from his ego problems. It drains me every time.
Felt good to vent. Now I need a glass of wine and some preperation H . HAha!

Hi, Hannelore: I can so relate with you on the horse play. My son-in-law wrestles with my grandchildren, and he has done so since they could sit up. Predictably, with rough play, tears flow only to resume wrestling with their father again. Laughter, tears, laughter again, a thud and a cry, laughter again, a wail then followed by laughter again. It's torture to watch them.

My son-in-law is 280 lbs and a rugby player. A very big man against two small children. I hold back my comments and just leave the room when they take to the floor and rough housing. Like you, I run when I hear a thud followed with the "I told you so". My daughter was a hockey player when she was in school and took other sports besides that. So, with her, rough play is normal! I was told that if it were left to me I'd wrap up my grandchildren in cotton wool. Honestly, I think I would do that. But, that's because I'm a grandmother, I guess.

I have learned over the years to watch by the side and let my daughter and son-in-law learn but always, ready to give advice. There will be times when you will argue over the child as we, as grandparents, could foresee events based on our experience as parents. Our children still have to learn and they will by trial and error especially with firstborns. But, carry on being protective. There's nothing wrong with that. You are a caring grandmother and it is normal to argue with our children's inexperience or shortsightedness sometimes over our grandchildren. Your son perhaps, just gets carried away by the excitement of being a Dad. Soon enough, as the little one grows, he will listen to you more. You wait and see. It'll happen.

This is a perplexing situation for you. It is easy to know the correct answer, your son is "wrong" as in being hard heasded. He needs to be talked to seriously, but having said that, he sounds extremely immature and your saying anything may make things worse, the "I"ll show you," attitude.

This precious child may get hurt and a broken bone could be the least of what may happen. She could break her neck or her back and then what? Would he still feel like the big man, the almighty father. Well he needs to know that a real father, a mature father does nothing ever to risk his childs safety. Shame on him....

Know that he may be mad and sulk around for awhile but if he listens as absorbs anything it would have been worth it.

As you may remember, I spoke up when my son began doing drugs and hitting his wife and he walked away and I haven't seen them for 12 years. I don't even know if I have a grandchild from them.

There is a risk involved but if you say nothing and baby gets badly injured you will never forgive yourself. I suggest strongly that you, his father and his wife all talk to him at once, gently, kindly and in a nonaccusitory fashion. Make the baby the topic of the talk, don't let him whine and make it about himself....being picked on. I wish you good luck and will pray on this.

Having no kids but knowing many people who do I resist the temptation to give advice. Maybe chatty is right and you need an intervention.

Thank you, my friends, for responding and giving me your valuable advice.

Funny Saundra, I just spoke to my husband that maybe a third party should talk to him. I just got to figure out how.

It was interesting to read, Lola, that you have to deal with the roughhousing as well. And it was a comfort to know that I'm not alone here. I considered leaving the room, but felt I needed to stay to "protect" our grandchild. I agree Chatty, I would never forgive myself if I could prevent the child from being seriously hurt, and just can't keep my mouth shut for the sake of "harmony."

I know about your "lost" son Chatty. I know I could be risking the same thing, and that is what my husband is afraid of…but in the long run my son would be the bigger loser if he forfeits his family. Chatty have you ever tried to find your son again? Sons have such huge egos and pride problems. At least my sons do,…I know they love me but heaven forbid they would be considered a Mama's boy. My heart always melts when I hear at the Emmy and other award shows how the sons thank their parents. I think my oldest son would do that, my younger son…I don't know, he may thinks it's not "manly" enough. I'm rambling…sorry.

Hubby is going to give Mr Stubborn Head a call today and wants to meet him in a restaurant. That way no one can get loud or excited. We'll see if it helps any. I'm wondering if there are any books on this subject?

Oh gosh, Hannelore. If my son-in-law and grandchildren did not love rugby so much, I'd be a happy grandmother. They just tackle each other like mad and it drives me crazy! But, I must say, I believe that my son-in-law roughs up with them in a measured way without intending to cause any injury. My grandson has gotten more bruises from playing junior rugby with his team than with his Dad.

I agree with Chatty. Make the conversation about the baby, to avoid sounding judgemental and argumentative. Perhaps you could ask him what he wants for his baby - now and in the future - and he might see how his actions are tied to his dreams for his baby.

Best to you.

Lola, my boys played icehockey...but I got to admit I cringed and hated it every time they slammed into the side boards. Maybe roughhousing is just a plain male thing.

Your right Anno, I have to be careful not to sound judgemental, which in this case may not be easy. Got to take big breaths...but now it's in Hubby hands. I'm glad he's taking over.