You know something, Ladies? I've always thought of myself as the loving, tender, caring type of mother. Recently, my children's father/my former husband passed. I've had mixed emotions about that for varying reasons but that's not my topic right now.

Right now my topic is that I'm happy my/our son is returning to college. Not because there was some doubt that he would return or that he was so distraught from his loss that he may not be able to return. I'm happy because he gets on my last GD *R%*#%# nerves!

His presence validates why I divorced my beloved husband. Genes, especially those inate ones, are really something to witness. His literal concepts places him in a dangerous position at times, as sad as it is for me to realize or even express. This man-child is verbally abusive but he didn't steal it; it was passed/possessed directly from the source. However, I have been healed as a receiver of such abuse and thus will hurt him granted he doesn't return to school or simply elsewhere.

I'm just giving it to you all from the real me. I could sugar coat it and say, "Oh, my son is returning to school to continue/complete his degree in Business/Marketing w/honors and such. I have not graduated myself to that proud level. I'm just so happy that he is leaving.

I ask all of the women that can feel or understand where I'm coming from to help me pray that this bright young man understands his genetic wicked ways and is freed of them before it's too late. Also, pray for the woman that continues to accept his ways, not excluding my own self.

Thank you

Good Night,

Sugaree

[ January 10, 2005, 01:54 AM: Message edited by: Sugaree ]

Sugar, Bless you woman for being able to speak the truth. As our son's stand on the precipice of manhood, most of us see some of their father in them and unfortunately, that ain't all good!
Though adopted and raised by my husband, my oldest has some of the characteristics of his biological father (the donor as I often refer to him). Those traits are worrisome. I will pray for your son and hope that at some point, he gets some help in recognizing the parts of himself that need work, sooner rather than later. But you know, he's gonna fall in love some day with a woman, strong like his mamma, and she'll kick his ass and maybe that will break the cycle. We can only hope!

I relate to, "I love you but get the hell out of my house". When I sent my oldest off to college last year, his siblings and I did a happy dance!
He was like a whirlwind of chaos. But now, in just two days I will deliver my son again...this time to the army. While I'm relieved that he is moving out and moving on, I am frightened to death of what the future might hold.

So I'll be lifting you and yours up in prayer and I'm asking that you keep me in yours as well.

God bless you!
Kathryn

KAthryn, I'm glad you shared your son is leaving htis week. I've wanted to post it in the prayer forum, but I didn't know ifyou would appreciate that.

I'm holding you and your family in prayer and will continue to do so. I'm praying your send off is one that will bring you happiness.

sugaree and kath, I like the donor comment.

Thanks for opening my eyes to the fact that women often have to revisit the characteristics in their child that may be the very ones that caused them to leave their dad. Ouch. I feel so stupid. I haven't considered this in thepast. That must be painful.

Why can't they all be perfect like their moms!

Kathryn, that's exactly what I did when my son left! DANCED! Then prayed for his safe trip. Then I felt guilty that I was so happy for him to leave. These darned emotions! What ever happened to, "Absence makes the heart grow funder?" Well, alot went on in his very first semester and I had to see him twice before it was up. Let's see how this next semester pans out. Maybe that statement will have some relevence then.

Oh noooo, but then there is the entire summer to deal with. I can talk him in to going to summer school. He probably wont tho because he has a brand new baby girl that he just adores and doesn't even want to be away from one day, let alone an entire summer. Dangit!

Kath, I sure will have your son's safety in my prayers. What made him make the decision to go to the military during these times?

Yes Dots. There are the genes from the ex's that we have to reckon with, unfortunately. Fortunately for you, you seem to have a wonderful husband and wont have to witness these types of pains.

Good Day!

I was surprised to hear that there are those not aware of the pitfalls of heredity. My eldest son, the good one as he's known, takes after his dad whom he never knew because he died young. Then there is my second son whos known as the one my mother looks for on TV when she see Cops filmed in Vegas. Two total opposites even though they both had me for their mom and I swear I loved and nurtured them both the same. Go figure!! Those lousy genes...

Chat....you are a hoot...the one mom looks for on cops! That's great.
Sugar, I wish I knew why my son chose now to join the army. There's a part of him that knew that going back to college was likely just returning to the "party". But there is also a patriotic part of him. Plus, he's impatient for "life to begin" and college postpones joining the world I guess. My greatest fear is that he's seeking a sense of belonging that for what ever reason, he doesn't get from us. Because his "donor" father abandoned him and never really was involved in his life, and despite the fact that my husband has loved and raised my son as his own, the child still feels somehow disconnected from us. Whatever the reasons, this could be a good experience for him....I just pray that the world changes before he gets shipped to some corner of it.

Don't feel guilty about the happy dance...we have raised them and we are entitled to lives of our own, where peace is possible, once they are over 18. God forbid I repeat the sins of my mother and keep raising these damned boys well into their 40s.

Blessings!

Oh and Dots....I was planning on asking for some prayer and travel mercies for B as he makes his way to missouri.

Chatty, I'm aware of genetics. Trust me. Two of our three children are adopted so I'm swimming in an ocean of genes at our home. The crazy thing is trying to figure out what is genetic and what is environment. Maybe I should write a book on nature vs. nurture.

Hello Ladies. I spent the better portion of my morning trying to enlist my son to the concepts of his gene pool. I attempted to explain why I believe it's genes vs environment/nurture.

See, I divorced his father while he was fairly young and many of the behavior that presents itself, especially the more profound wicked behavior, could have only been passed thru genes.

I do know that he may have picked a great deal up during summer/holiday visits with beloved dad. But, my goodness! Some of these are just like looking and listening to this man all over again. It's like I'm trying to put hell out with a glass of water around here sometimes. That just wont happen. My son just wont ever see that he is wrong. Maybe he will like his father did but only a few weeks before he passed.

Dots, you are swimming in genes there. Wow! A big hug and a handshake to you, and a salute! Whoa! Never looked at it like that. Thanks.

Can you actually see the differences in their behaviors based on genes vs. nurture? Did you adopt them during infancy? (if I'm not getting too personal, that is).