My about to turn 3 year old daughter is wearing me down at bedtime. We have a routine of reading books, telling stories and singing songs before she settles to sleep. My husband and I used to take turns but now she only wants "My Mummy". I guess it is a phase but I have to stay with her sometimes for two hours until she sleeps. I don't begrudge this because I like spending time with her and miss her during the day but it means I don't catch up with other things and it is exhausting. Any ideas?

Julie, boy does this post take me back. I remember those evenings when I could have pulled my hair out.

Your routine sounds so loving and sweet.

Being a loving, caring parent sometimes works against us. We need to know the difference between helping our kids and hurting ourselves. Sometimes these two go hand in hand, but not every night.

We went through this bedtime tug of war. Enough was never enough.

I think you need to set some limits. We need to get speakermom in on this one...

I suggest telling your daughter that you will read x number of books, tell x number of stories, and sing x number of songs. Then you have to leave.

If she gets out of bed again there's a consequence. Maybe you won't read as many books the next night. Something like that.

Then you should draw a bath and get in. Should she get up, you say, "Sorry honey, Mommy's in the tub. You have to get Daddy".

Our daughter was NEVER the kind of child you could PUT to bed. Still isn't and she's 16. She stays up 'til all hours of the night.

After many bed time struggles we finally realized there was NO putting her to sleep. Just didn't happen.

We chose to read, sing, say prayers, give her kisses and hugs, and allow her to play in her room. As long as she didn't come out it was fine.

That's the best we could do.

Eventually she would climb in bed and usually we would go kiss her again, but this was at least an hour later, sometimes two!

Maybe your daughter has a very hard time winding down like our daughter did. Just a thought.

Did she fall asleep easily as an infant?

When my two oldest were small, I'd go in their rooms and read books. Actually my husband and I took turns. But then I'd excuse myself to go to the restroom or just do something and then pretty soon I'd try to stay out for a few more minutes each time, leaving them to look at the books by themselves for a while. They got more and more comfortable with quietly "reading" by themselves.

Eventually they would fall asleep by themselves and I think learned to enjoy their time alone.

Kate

Thanks for your very helpful replies.

Iam reminded of my eldest who was champion bedtime terrorist in our family! He never seemed to need sleep. In comparison my daughter is nowhere near as bad. She actually likes the concept of going to bed and going to sleep, she just wants my full participation in the event! This seems cyclical beacuse there were times during her short life where she did settle to sleep on her own. I've tried the excuses for leaving the room before, (and believe me they are real things I need to do) and it worked for a while but not anymore. Last night I limited the stories and song to the magic No. 3 (very big in our house at the moment) and she did try and prolong it but I was firm and although I did have to stay until she slept it was a shorter time. Thinking back, my second son went through a time of seperation anxiety at about the same age - when my sister-in-law died in a car accident leaving two small daughters - and he suddenly realised that mummies could disappear for ever. I have noticed that the word "died" has just appeared in my daughter's vocabulary - maybe from watching the Lion King? Perhaps she is at a similar place. At any rate, I'm too soft hearted not to stay when she pleads to hold my hand at bedtime. I'll see how it goes. I also made tonight's dinner yesterday so I can have more time with her this evening, maybe tire her with some physical activity - and have her drop off to dreamland sooner. I'm holding Dotsie's bath idea in reserve.

Anyway, thanks for the generous and wise support in my little problem, really just a ripple on the sea of life compared to the problems being dealt with by others.

Speakermom could you move in my house for say....10 years or so?

I made many mistakes but here is where I got with my 5 year old. Please try to learn from my mistakes.

Nathan around 1 developed lactose intolerance but I did not know. he began balking about 11:00 pm every night. Crying in bed for long periods.

I tried the every 5 minute soothing and stretchign that out etc. No luck. One night I couldn't stand it and went in to just hold him and walk him. I thne noticed this child was in pain. While walking him, he passed gas. I laid him down (still screaming) and moved his legs like he was runnign to move the gas. Eventually it became tolerable and he slept fitfully for about 1 hour whiel I rubbed his tummy.

After a perioed we went to the Doc. Sent to a gastro specialist. She thought lactose intolerance due to anti-biotics (ears) and we went on a diet with a diet log etc.

After about a year with screaming for an hour and then my rubbing his tummy for an hour. I threw him in my bed so I could at least lay down for the 2nd hour.
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I was falling asleep at work. Life was miserable from my bleary eyes. The diet was not working.

Many calls to the gastro and many tests. Diet became strict as could be. But the pain subsided!!! It became maybe 1 time per week.

Meanwhile, I have a 3 year old in my bed who went to bed with me because I start work very early. This eventually changed to his bed after moving the furniture around in his room so it was more comfy and getting a fish tank that does night duty.

At first I layed with him until he drifted off, so did I. But now, he tries to get his own way but he knows that Mommy is going to read in her bed while he watches the fish (he feeds them right before he gets in bed) and then he eventually falls to sleep. He has trouble falling asleep and I am usually asleep before him.

My night shift fish helped with light in the room and something relaxing to watch while drifting off. Nathan falls asleep within 15 minutes or 1 hour and 15 minutes. And he still asks for someone to cuddle with but we stand firm. Took us 4 years and much agony but I am correcting my mistake and my little guy sleeps better without me and I without him.

Now, Speakermom....any suggestions on moving to a new house and starting a new school (kindergarten) all at the same time? Sleeping in a new room etc???

Lynn

Wow thanks Speakermom.

It is so nice to have your thoughts validated by an authority. I will check out the website. Drop in with advice anytime!

Lynn