crummie isen't it, that our freedom as wome must mean that we leave our familie return to our carrers and or educasion.

In this day and age I though we were free to do most anything. Apparintlie not well not when it comes to NOT doing our carrers and stuff. Sadlie still rasing kids ise't a respected occupasion and still thers pressure to go back to work. Rember when the presure was about staying at home, well same thing happens in reverse thers the pressure to go do something! hell i thought i was, rasing my kid!

Iv had what a wast of an educasion,(that i paid for)i am hiding behind my kid, i am just lazie and then thers the ignorring and a gap in chatt becouse you just aint a real vital part of pussle of life becouse your childrearing. I am sure i am not alone in this but frenklie i am a bit rankled at present, i though i was doing one of the most important jobs in societie today but apparintlie not!

so come on "stay at home mums" what arguments did you use agenst those close and not so close to you to get them off your backs?Or to quiten them dowen so you could live without the constant resure or near harrasment and certine rudness that directed at you

A very disgruntled celtic

I don't know if I was living behind the moon, but I never had the feeling that I didn't get any respect because I was a stay at home Mom.

Infact, I felt privileged to be able to stay at home, and not have to put my kids into a day care, so that I could go to work.

I saved money in many ways by not working. We had a huge vegetable garden which I maintained. I blanched and froze vegetables, enough to supply 3 households with. I made my own jam. I didn't have a car, just biked my kids all around, (one sat in the front, the other in the back) . I had the time to shop for bargains and visit flee markets. For vacations we went hiking or swimming at nearby lakes. We brought our picnics with us. We never had the feeling we were missing out on anything. Both my sons have said repeatedly that they think that it was great to be able to come home to their mom, and not to some lady at a day care.

If people do talk to you that way Celtic, I think I would ask them if they were jealous. And you know what? They probably are. Another thing; - a working Mom has to earn a lot of money for it to be even worth it. You usually need a car, gas bills, better clothes, money for the day care….It just wasn't worth it for me.

I started working mornings when my boys were 14 and 16. I worked full time when they were out of the house.

i am enjoying my time with him at home and he's not even 5 yet.

Iv been getting bits of flack all along but becouse he's a bit older now its getting a bit more presured and tiresome. Come's mostlie from profesional frends who think i should be working.you may be right about the jelousie

I was also wonderring if some of the views come from them justifing being at work and leaving thir kids to whatever care. In this place it have to be paid care as iv no familie or mum to leand a hand. I just at minet do not wanna pay someone to have the privalge i want still. I'm just a bit miffed becouse we can do anything as women eh! but still chose to stay home with the kids. when did having a choice meen having to chose to be out the house.

i rembered folks like you ew and some others talking about being SHM wonder if you get some trouble, or is it cultureal or just my type of social circle weer manie aint mums at all, if ya know what i mean.

anyway i having a grumble and hoping for some smarter answeres than my tired ones, lol or is it me thats tired lol.

Believe me, I know what that's like. My husband is a professor and I can't tell you how many people have just lost interest in getting to know me when they discover I'm not an academic. Nuts to them.

You don't have to argue back with people or justify yourself, so why do it? If they want to say something stupid, there's nothing you can do to stop them, of course, but I don't see why you should feel it necessary to participate in foolishness. A simple 'this is best for me and my family' or 'this is where I want to be at this stage in my life' is sufficient. If they can't accept that, let your silence embarrass them.

On the other hand, though, I don't happen to believe that being a mother is the most important job in the world. So while I think it's incredibly rude to critize SAHMs, I'm not in awe, if that makes sense. Yes, being a mother is an incredibly important, difficult and involving job, but so is being a father, a teacher, a doctor, a priest, a trash collector, and so on. (Besides, although this doesn't apply to you I'm sure, there are a lot of crappy mothers out there. Just birthing someone doesn't necessarily make someone a responsible or loving person.) We need everyone to make things work and should all get respect for the work we do.

Really, don't let the rude ones get you down. I hope these aren't you friends because people hammering at you is just awful. I don't care what you are doing, that's no way to talk to people.

Ellman id agree people shouldn't be in awe at mums at home, just the nagging that its not the thing i should be doing would be nice to stop, i don't tell them to change their carrer. One thing id never think of doing in first 2 nd or even 3 rd instanse is saying this is what i'm doing and i don't wanna talk about it anymore lol I am too much of a bleather. People are used to me working and keep harking back to those days, or thers some alterer motive and ther thinking of how they will gain if i go back to work. I certinlie don't think its a cover all for all ills.
One of said frends now outside my social circle so thats one source of nagging or not so sutile put dowens and presure gone.

Ann327 lol I am not sure what id ear if i was paid for jobs done for child but i know the figures given can be quite high. I fine for awhile then i get a bild up of feeling peaved about this and sometimes go looking for supportas i know a lot of mums in heer have been happie with the choice to not work when kid wer young.

I firlie belive in just letting people be if their unhappie then maybee support needed for them to change to something that makes them happie or attitudes being adapted so they are happie doing what their doing, depends the situasion.

ELLMEN i too was a 10 yr partner of an accidemic lol strange conversasion they can't have with ya when your not an accidemic lol. I know that sinario well and your right nuts to them!

celtic, I was a stay-at-home mom and you know what worked for me? I made friends with other stay-at-home moms and all of us supported each other. In fact, I spent a day with two of them this week. Their kids are raised and they still don't work, and that's their choice. I respect them for doing what works in their family.

I recall being at parties when my kids were little and women asked me what I did. I responded with, "I stay home with the kids." To which they said things like:

"Oh."
"What do you do all day?"
"I don't know how you do it."
"I could never do that."
etc.

I'd then say, "My husband and I decided before we had children that I would stay home. Our mothers stayed home and we think it's the best thing we can do for our children."

I have friends who worked and certainly had days when they wanted to stay home with their kids, and I had days when I stayed home and certainly wished I could walk out the door to a job. I just wished all of us could have respected one another for our choices.

Whatever you do, be proud of your choice! Speak up for your decision. And don't let these women belittle you. Life is so short. I can't believe my kids are grown and that stage is over. Once the stage is over, you'll still have plenty of time to work outside the home!

Another thing I did to stay connected with peers was volunteer. In addition to raising the kids, it gave me purpose outside my family and I think that's important. Even though the volunteering was usually wrapped around something the kids did, like sports or church, it still gave me another focus.

I loved staying home. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Never! It might help if you read books written by other S-A-H-Ms, or join some type of group.

In many ways, S-A-H-Ms are a huge part of the village that raises our children because we're more available and willing to invest in the lives of children.

Bravo for you!

I think people are often just thoughtless and rude, sometimes even well-meaning people. I was completely unprepared for all the comments I got when I was pregnant with my first. I had no idea that being pregnant, or having a child, would turn casual acquaintances and even strangers into 'experts' who would not hesitate to advise me on, well, everything. What kind of child I was having, how to do labor, hopes that I would have a ____, childrearing practices, you name it.

I am someone who does like to talk and learned not to say much and to keep my comments vague, thank goodness. Today it seems to be even worse, and on both sides. Pregnant women think nothing of telling everyone conception details or waving ultrasound pictures at strangers, and strangers ask, "was it planned?" on hearing news of a pregnancy. And they're not trying to be rude, but good grief!

I'm sorry to indict my own gender, but in my case at least, the rudest, most intrusive, and off-the-wall comments came from other women, even other mothers. I don't know if they temporarily lost their brains at seeing a pregnant woman or a small child or what, but these are my two rules, and not just for mothering:

--If you don't think someone is trying to give offense and might just be thoughtless, don't take offense.

--If people are intruding into your personal business or trying to make you justify yourself, stop talking. If they are upset at the way you run your life, it's their problem, not yours. It's too bad they're unhappy but there's not much you can do about it. How and if you will return to the outside workforce is your business, not theirs.

That's just me, but following these rules has helped me a lot, so anyone else is welcome to borrow them! You have nothing to justify anyway. Being a good mother is a superb choice no matter how you try to achieve it.