I have a question.

Do your kids visit YOU, as the mother, MORE than they visit their Dad and step mom?

DH has been sad about the fact that his daughter flew (alone, without the baby who is not 2 yet) to see her Mom but has never asked to visit here. Yes, I get along very well with her.

If they do visit you more, try to encourage them to visit their Dad just as much. Dad's, in a divorce situation, seem to be "forgotten".

I really feel for DH in this.

Also, if YOU had a step mom and step Dad, did YOU visit your Mom more?

Just looking to find out what might be the "protocol" in this.

Thanks!

Yes, Di, I feel it all the time here. My hubby has been reduced to tears over his 2 daughters obvious allegiance to their mother. In fact, they can be downright mean to him and string him along. He has always had to leave messages on their phones because they won't feel like answering. They only visited when there was something happening in their favor. Oh it's a long, long story and I won't go into it and torture everyone! Basically, I think that daughters tend to cling more to their moms as a rule and dad gets kinda forgotten many times. Every case is different. But I understand how sad you feel for your husband. It's very painful to see and hear.

Oh, and not to mention how helpless YOU feel at times about something you can't really fix!

His kids treat him very nicely, actually, But he just feels slighted. He thinks the Mom has "tainted" them for some reason. They have been divorced over 25 years...but it's still sad.

My Hubby feels that the mom has not only tainted them but has actually poisoned them with tales about their dad. It's very, very sad. Di, like I said before, sometimes moms are somehow special especially to the 20-something crowd. Maybe, in time, they'll grow to realize how Dad has an integral part in their lives and pay more attention. It's very hard to deal with. Maybe we should talk more of how to encourage our husbands with this type of "slight" from their kids. We can't be the only ones who deal with this!

I heard recently, on a FamilyLife.Com radio program, that once kids get married and leave the nest, parents become VERY insignificant. Which I understand completely. When I was in my early 30's, Mom and Dad were not uppermost in my mindset. Although my situation was that Mom died when I was 18 and it was only Dad. AND a step mother of my own.

BUT, with a divorce, ONE parent, usually the Dad, gets even more insignificant. Granted, they do talk to him and we have spent time at his Daughter's house, but she is very close to her nearby in-laws and we live 5 hours away. Her Mom is a plane ride away. So, it's not that convenient for either party to just stop in and visit.

I just know it bothers him that they don't, on their own, call to say "we're coming over!"

His son, who lives way north of here in another state, has not seen his Dad in six years. Yes, they talk on the phone, but I just don't get it.

Probably because I am not a Mom, longed to be one, if not by biology by marriage, and I still don't have that!

Oh well...you're right. Encouraging our spouses is the only way to go! I said to DH that is must really break his heart that his kids won't want to come here. He just shrugged.

I feel so badly for him. But do WE have the right to say something to his kids?? I do tell his son his Dad misses him. But, I just have to shut my mouth. I don't know ALL the family dynamics before me.