What do you do when the date is long past and friends and family neglect to RSVP for a wedding, bridal shower, baby shower or special birthday? I am shocked at how many parties I have had in the past 2 years that I have had to call people directly long after their RSVP was due. I would never think of not responding. I even went against Emily Post on the last invitation for a party and gave my email address to make it more convenient. Still, this week I am forced to call about 5 people before calling the caterer with final numbers. My husband says I should assume they are NOT coming and to forget about calling them. What do you think?

Personally, I think some people don't know what it means!!

I feel the same.........HELLO people! Can you not at least make a call OR send an email?????

Hi, Pam: Would these omissions to RSVP tend to be by the same people time and time again? If so, next time around, I would enclose a note exclusive to these parties in future invitations mentioning the inconvenience caused by delayed RSVPs on previous occasions. Alternatively, it could also be stated on future invitations for general info that final arrangements with catering will be based on numbers of RSVPs received along with cut-off date on which they are expected to be returned...allowing yourself a grace period of a week for postal delay. I'm afraid, I have to agree with your hubby. Phoning everyone is an additional task which you could do without but at the same time, you don't want people to show up at the last minute and not have a place for them. I have known caterers who would allow a number of extras for these "last minuters" then a take home arrangement follows for the untouched extras. Would yours do this on this occasion?

People don't respond even for business functions. I had 2 seminars last week and didn't have enough packets with literature and free samples to hand out. We had double the attendees that we expected.

I think not responding to an R.S.V.P. is just rude. But I'm finding that people don't send thank you notes either. What happened to our manners?

I find it rude too, but I'm a softie so I say call them. You must like them and want them there if you invited them in the first place, but it's such a hassle. YOu've already taken the time to send the invitation. What else do they want form you? I guess a phone call AND a party!

It's almost like a fact of life. I always feel I have to call them because if I just assume they aren't coming and then they do, I won't have enough food, or if it's a wedding or something where you are paying per head, you're in trouble. I don't think people mean to be rude. They just forget. I always respond by email when I can. I hate having to make the phone call. When it's a wedding invitation with a stamped reply card, that is really lazy though. All they have to do is say yes or no and mail it out. They still don't do it. Gee this has given me an idea for a story.

Louisa

Why not save the cost of the invitations and RSVP card and stamps and just call them to begin with. You can insist on your reply as to who is and isn't coming right then and there....works for me!

I swear, some of these events bring out the "weirdness" in people!

I started to feel that when you send out an invitation you should have a form for their credit card number so if they say they're going to show and don't, you can charge them for the food you had to pay for.

When David and I got married, I was amazed at the gall of some people. One family of four showed who weren't even invited! My friends, who were invited along with their children, were suddenly dating someone new and brought them to the wedding. Not that one person would make a difference but still... It's about common courtesy. One couple asked me for gas money to get back home. I gave it to them.

Oh, this was funny...well, not really. There was this woman who had a crush on my husband and had been a long time family friend. She insisted on being invited to my bachelorette party (by making David's sons tell me). Well, you all know at parties like that, you give the bride something sexy. She gave me a pair of flannel pajamas in a size XXL! I was speechless when I opened her gift. I mean, what do you say? I don't know if she was just clueless or if it was meant to be an insult. I donated them to our local shelter.

I think it is extremely rude not to RSVP, but if you don't get one back, you should assume that they are not coming.
Some people think you only need to respond if you are coming