...but I am so tired of dealing with my 14-year old son. He's a good kid overall and very capable of doing well in school.

But this year (he's a freshman) he's decided that homework doesn't matter so long as he scores well on quizzes and tests. Now he is failing Honors English, Honors Geography, and has low C's in his Algebra and Science class. He does well in band and stagecraft - two classes without homework.

I would love suggestions from you ladies! We've tried motivating to no avail, and if we take things away (computer, activities, etc) he says he doesn't care and just goes and reads his books.

Went through this with his older brother at the same age, and we ended up pulling him out and homeschooling him; he graduated a year early. But I don't want to do that with Ryan, because he's much more social and I think he'd get bored at home very easily.

Help? Thanks in advance!!
Kathy

No help here because I have the same problem! I'd be interested in suggestions also. I've tried the yelling routine, I've tried the let him deal with his own consequences routine, I've tried the threatening to take things away routine. Nothing helps!

My father was a great one for motivating us kids in the weirdest but most astoundingingly accurate ways...He would think of a nasty chore for us to do instead of doing homework assignments, in other words, say I didn't want to do my math homework and grounding me didn't seem to work so he would say "follow me young lady" and down to the basement we'd go. He'd hand me a bucket and brush and say "you have two hours to scrub this entire basement floor now get to it unless you'd rather do your homework, all of it checkable by me." Even if I said no, I'll wash the floor, it didn't take long for me to change my mind. He could come up with the worst jobs too. You might try the, as dad called it, the "trade off game." He had things like weed the entire front and back yard, wash all the windows, inside and outside, clean the gutters, wash all the vehicles, scrub all the toilets and bathroom floors etc. get the picture....

[ March 20, 2006, 09:44 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

But my son just says "no" - a blatant denial to do what I ask of him. In the old days, I would have been smacked on my behind and off I'd go to do my chores, but I haven't spanked my kids for years, and I can't likely smack a 6' kid, even though I'm very tempted!

I'm leaning toward just telling him no to anything he asks of me, just like he does to me. He wants a snack? No. He wants to go to a friends house? No. He wants to rent a movie? No.

It seems like such a negative way to handle this, but maybe he'll eventually get tired of my No's and start telling me yes on his stuff.

Ahhhhhhh.

The age old problem of "I said so"...I went thru these same problems with my son...a very smart, very talented young man, whom I saw as wasting his life. (amazingly handsome too). Well. He's teaching me a lesson. After having a 4 year liason with a beautiful, endowed, and smart young woman, they decided to call it quits. Never mind why - didnt make sense to me anyway. So I told Sam, in my most wise voice, that beauty wasn't everything - that once in love with someone, beauty became a non-contender. You just learn to love the person, not their beauty. So , he took me at my word. OMG. Now , he's (the most handsome guy in the world) has taken up with a girl who is 15 years his superior, has 3 children, and has magenta colored streaks in her hair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, where did I go wrong????But Darcy is a sweet, loving, and wonderful person. So I think I should just shut up.......Even tho I can't really STAND those magenta streaks in her hair! (Geez, that hair looks just like a hairdresser's hair, and lo and behold, I found out that she was a hairdresser!!! May Harietta forgive me, I never dreamed I would be thinking in these terms about my most talented son......Harietta forgive me, but fix this problem!!!!

How bad am I???

Chatty your father's a smart man! LOL I don't know if this will work for me or not but its worth a shot. He'd probably laugh at me and not do it anyway.

Rick and June, My son is the youngest and tallest member of our family so I know what you mean.

Searcher, at least she's nice. Maybe you can become close enough to her to be able to suggest a different color do!

Rick and june, that just might work. With both my boys I did a similar thing and would just say "oh well, you get what you give." It worked too, good luck but you have to stand firm, no caving...

"You get what you give" . . . I LIKE THAT! Starting tomorrow...

I'll keep you posted.

Kathy

Rick & June,
Since your son is only a freshman..I'd appeal to the male ego in him...sit him down and say.."I'd like to have a grown up chat with you about school"..Then I'd go on to say...since you obviously are balking about doing Homework in your Honors classes...I'm thinking maybe the teachers think you are smarter than maybe you actually are (sic)...perhaps we should call a meeting with your counselor and have you pulled out of the Honor classes to make room for some of the kids in the lower level classes who maybe want to try a little harder...you could take that kid's place in the lower class and he can have your space in the Honors class...if he is like most kids his age , just the hint of an embarrassment like that should motivate him towards at least trying to turn in some homework...usually by Junior year if their school is competitive they actually want to get good grades....

[ March 23, 2006, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: AvalonBlondi ]