Hi and thank you for your response. I am at a loss with my daughter and her family. My husband, who has the emotional depth of a rice cake makes matters worse when he looks at me like I am out of my mind and then speaks his rote words of wisdom that have no bearing on the situation at all. He is my husband of 20 years, but not my daughter's biological father. I became pregnant at 15 years old and kept that child, raising her with no assistance. Her biological father to whom I was engaged (yes, engaged at 15, How about my parents?) was killed in a argument when I was 2 months pregnant. I never had another child.
Anyway, she is grown now and has 4 beautiful children. Her husband lost his job over a year ago, and did not search for another, they lost their home and had to file bankruptcy. We purchased them a 5 bedroom 3 bath manufactured home with a loan from our retirement. They are now not speaking to me and are refusing to pay us back as agreed. He is working, but not making a lot of money, but sufficient to care for his expenses if they could stop the cigaretts and beer.
This is the thing, they won't let me speak to the children. They make them hang up on me if I call. They have called and blasted me for things they have actually made up in their minds, and when I am in unbearable pain and need support from my husband, he stares at me and then spouts his uninformed opinion of how I should be and what I have done wrong. He does not seem to mind being a door mat, and they treat him totally different then they do me. I cannot make him understand and am at my wits end. He does not understand the depth of my pain, and I wonder if he even cares to understand. Just need some support. Thanks for being here.

Hi Deb,

Sorry... to hear about the situation with your daughter and her family.
Sad, she will not allow you the time to speak to your grandchildren, especially during the Christmas season.
Sounds, as if she is running from her responsibilities.

What you must be feeling... all the ladies here are very caring and supportive, so glad you found your way here. I'm sure you will find the support you need.

How kind of you and your husband to purchase a home from your retirement, for them.
Did you happen to have any papers drawn up, for repayment of the loan?

Does your daughter live close? Maybe, writing her a letter and letting her know how you feel.

I have 5 children, and I know the pain I go through with them at times.
Sorry, to hear she is shutting you out of her life right now.

Deb, I'm really sorry too. It must break your heart. You did make me laugh about your description of your husband...emotional depth of a rice cake. Mine won't go to an emotional level unless I force him to and even then, it's almost impossible.

I can't really offer any advice but to be praying for you. Turn to God, is my offer. We often turn to Him last, but First is when we need Him the most.

There is a hymn that says,"God will make a way when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me. He will be my Guide, hold me closely to His side".

[ December 18, 2005, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

Please accept my prayers too Deb.

God performs miracles every single day.

smile

Deb, I can't offer much but prayers and support right now. What a sad place you seem to be at with your daughter. I find that most of the men our age have problems expressing their emotions or helping us deal with ours. Your dughter sounds like she has a lot of anger toward you without any reason. Perhaps the person who suggested you write a letter to her telling he your feeling would be the best thing you can do right now.

Too bad you allowed the home you bought for them to be in their name before they paid you back for it....Love for family is good but business is business especially when the son-in-law was already showing signs of being a dead beat. All that said what can any of us say? I would pray and pray alot because God is the only hope you have right now. Your 'rice cake' is probably afraid to say too much as it couldn't possibly be positive but wasn't he supportive when you wanted to buy these people a home, or are you independently wealthy??? Just a thought?

Thanks for coming here for support. I think you should write them all notes telling them how you feel, especially the children. What are there ages? Then perhaps I'll have another suggestion.

Remember, God is the God of the impossible. There is always hope. Perhaps the Christmas season will soften your daughter's heart.

Do you have any support system? A neighbor or friend to talk with? I hope so. If not, remember you can always come here.

Thanks everyone for your prayers and support.
We did have them sign a re-payment contract, but if they don't pay, they know we would not take the grandchildren's home from them. Honestly, I don't know where they would be living right now. I already did the letter thing, it's no use, Gary, out son-in-law responds with insults and sarcasm. I have been there and don't want to go back. I cannot talk or write to the children, because the parents make them hang up and read their mail. They have opened their cards and taken their money out when we have sent them a few dollars for a dance or school function. I really think I may be at the end of the relationship here. I just cannot continue. I am so thankful that you are here to help. Thanks everyone!!!

Their ages are Thomas, 18 in January, Christopher 16 in June, Dakota 13 in February, and Kristen just turned 11 in November.