My daughter seems to think I favor her brother so I must be doing something wrong to make her think this way.

They both have wonderful characteristics and I feel, myself that I love them equally.

On the one hand a daughter is a younger version of yourself (to a small degree.) You can share the aspects of being a woman with her.

Somehow I feel that a son has a stronger, more loving attachment to his mother. He is more compassionate and more willing to listen to my woes. He gives hugs and kisses more often even though the daughter does as well. Just not as often.

I love them both and am proud of them but the question is: Do moms and sons share a special bond which is different than the mother daughter bond?

I felt the same way about my mom and brother. I don't know if it was true or not.

I'm probably closer to my daughter then I am my son. We do alot more fun things together.

When my son was little (he's almost 15 now)..my daughter accused me of favoring him...but she's now almost 17...and doesn't feel that way anymore.

I don't know if there is a special bond between opposite sex children and the parent - I think we just have to try to love each child individually right where they are at. (and not fall into the "you like him more game".) lol.

d.

I grew up feeling the same way, that my Mom loved my brothers more than she loved me. In fact, I believed for a very long time (as in most of my life) that my Mom didn't like me at all, that if she "loved" me at all, it was only because she was my mother and was supposed to. It took a lot of therapy to work through all that mangled thinking.

Now she's gone, and looking at it all from this distance shows me that I missed a lot along the way, but unfortunately her behaviour towards me while growing up convinced me beyond doubt that she didn't like/love me. I still believe she definitely favoured my two younger brothers over both my old brother and myself. But now I believe that she did love me, just wasn't able to show it the way I needed her to. It's as if I was such a mirror image of herself that she couldn't stand to be around me.

[ December 01, 2005, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: Eagle Heart ]

Eagle,

I'm sorry you felt that way about your mom. It's interesting how some people aren't good at showing love to one another. I totally get that!

This is why I started homeschooling my daughter..when she started kindergarden (however you spell that $##$$ word)...I started feeling more disconnected from her.

I prayed "God, you have to knitt my heart with her" (coming from a home where I was VERY disconnected from my mom)...and homeschooling came up.

I couldn't wait to get my kids out of my house and into school...and here I was being nudged to keep them home. arrrrggggg!

Surprisingly, she agreed to be homeschooled, and the rest is history.

Our hearts are VERY knitt together, and in fact, because of our strong bond, we have been able to work through her "teen issues" together. How cool is that?

Parenting has been the hardest thing I have ever done. It is such a gamble, such hard work...but yes, rewarding to some degree.

danita

EagleHeart, I know how much that must have hurt you.

I am always hugging and kissing my daughter. I make sure I take her out to eat with me as much as I do her brother. I take her on "special" shopping trips and try to tune into when she seems down. She knows she's loved very much but for some reason feels I favor her brother.

Ladybug...when my kids were teenagers each of them at one time or another accused me of loving another child more than another...i think that just goes along with growing up and the whole sibling rivalry issue...I always told my kids...I love each of you with all of my heart and soul..but I may not always like each of you all the time..The night before my oldest daughter married we were all together and the kids collectively told me that I always made them feel like each of them was the center of my universe..those were the sweetest words i ever heard..it's really cool after they grow up because they tend to tell you about the things you did right instead of what they perceived as wrong when they were children. You sound like you make each of yours the center of your universe as well..don't stress..they will see that clearly as time goes on..of course we wouldn't be human if we didn't feel show love in different ways with different sexes..I can relate so easily to my girls..because I once lived what they are living..I sometimes feel guilty that I spend more quality time now with my girls..because we shop together etc..but..I'm meeting my son for lunch today..he called me this morning..and said..."I need a Mom fix...meet me for lunch?" He's 29 and big and handsome but still needs his Mom time...I am so lucky!!! Just keep loving them the way you do..it will come back to you in spades!!!

AvalonBlondi, I like what your son said, "I need a mom fix."

I'm hoping my daughter will see that she is equally loved. I do tell her I love her and I mean it.

It's true because of their different sex we DO relate to each one in a unique way.

They both get equal time for shopping and eating out with me. In fact tonite my son has no college classes and doesn't have to go to work so it's Panera Bread night.

Thanks for your wisdom.

Growing up, there was no question that Mom put my brother first. Although she denies it, she told me when I was getting ready to go to college, "We need to pay for an Ivy League degree for your brother but you're only going to get married someday, so the state university is good enough for you." Not a lot of incentive to be the best I could be. I resented it for a long time and still do a little.

Mom and I are closer now than we ever were, because I finally convinced her I'm an adult and won't always do what she wants. My brother admits he moved to CA partly to put distance between them. She's good to us, but she's a very strong willed woman.

I don't think I favored either my son or daughter, but they are very different people. Both are compassionate, but Ed is much better at expressing it. Laura, on the other hand, doesn't suffer fools gladly, and sometimes she places her mother high on her list of fools. I don't let her get away with it most of the time.

BTW, my daughter and son BOTH got to go to the excellent colleges they were fortunate enough to be admitted to. I learned from my mother's mistakes.

I bought all 4 of my brothers and myself a teeshirt that says-Mom loves me best!-seems we all had this idea that some other one of us was her favorite- of course being the only daughter I felt on the bottom of the list-We all decided she loved my youngest brother best- he was kind of like an only child- change of life baby when the rest of us were ready to fly
But in the long run- she is our mom- she is who she is- none of us felt loved like we wanted to be loved but maybe that was our problem- not hers

Pattyann, I think that's what finally brought me healing, is the realization that my need to be loved a certain way was MY need and problem, not Mom's...she loved me as much and as best as she knew how. She was who she was, and in my last years with her, I was finally able to lay down my own angst and hurt and find out who she was aside from being my Mom. I ended up falling madly in love with her, and wish with all my heart we had had more time together. I didn't realize until too late just how profoundly she did love me in her own way.

It's sad, but my reality, that I didn't have the eyes or heart to see or feel that love when I was growing up; the beginnings of my mangled thinking stretch all the way back to those early years. But I'm forever grateful to have had the chance to finally see my Mom's true beauty, grace and love before she died.