I have six grandchildren. Only one granddaughter - who is 12 years old. I found out a couple of weeks ago that she has been having sex. My oldest son is her father. Her mother and father divorced a couple of years ago, but have been separated for a few years. The mother is a drug addict and has spent time (several) in prison. My son is an alcoholic. The children (there are three) have been living off and on between their other grandmother and their mother. A couple of years ago she moved in with a man who beats her and the children. DFACS pulled the children out of there (thank God!) and placed them with their "Nana". These children have been through so much in their short lives.
I live about an hour and a half away from them, but I try to see them as much as possible. They are always begging me to stay with me. Anyway, I had a talk last week with my granddaughter about sex (something her mother should have done). We have always had a very close relationship. I know she heard what I said, but I don't know if she listened.
Anyone have any suggestions as to how to help this little girl?

OH MY GAWD! I am so sorry. I am not sure that I have any valid advice, but there must be something that can be done about this. I mean, WHO is this child having sex with? If it's another minor, then his parents need to be contacted. At the very least, your granddaughter needs to receive counseling.
If this is an adult (even an 18-year-old) there are legal remedies.
Again, I am so sorry. I can't write too much more because I am torn between my sympathy for you and the girl and my pure fury at the thought that this is going on out there. It seems like childhood is a luxury these days, and it makes me worry for my own grandkids.
You and your granddaughter will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.

Lilac, some may not agree with this, but my first thought is to be certain that she is on birth control. Take her yourself if you have to. Having sex at 12 is one thing, but giving birth at age 12 is quite another.

I hoghly recommend counseling and surrounding her with love. Draw near to her and let her know you are there for her day in and day out. She needs to feel loved so she's reaching out in inappropriate ways for her age.

Good Point Dotsie!!!!

Thanks for saying that Dots. I was going to step out this a.m. and say the same thing, but had to go out with my groom.

This is OBVIOUSLY a child who is looking for affirmation and love. Shaming her for having sex isn't the answer (not that I'm saying that this is what you are doing)....but making sure she doesn't ruin her life..is so important.

I had a friend who worked in a Planned Parenthood, and she convinced me of this. That even if we don't agree with them having sex...that we need to help them protect themselves so their "mistake" doesn't show up in the form of an unwanted pregnancy.

There are lots of girls have sex at the ripe old age of 12. Sad, but true!

Keep loving that girl Liliac...your love could be lifesaving for her!

d.

This is so agrivating and sureal.Birth control may stop pregnancy but what about venerial diseases and HIV? Good God birth control for a 12 year old, what next? This girl needs love but she needs tough love NOT to be coddled and made to think all is well because she has birth control....and I would dam well want to know who her partner or partners are....This needs to be addressed now and seriously. If other kids were jumping off bridges would her jumping be thought of as okay because well other kids are doing it???

[ November 09, 2005, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Chatty,

I think the same way - but I also understand the other side also. I do NOT condone sex before marriage...but this lady who has seen MANY pregnant teens walk into the Planned parenthood - made me a believer of being proactive. (using methods also to hamper std's as well)

Kids will have sex...with or without protection. It is happening.

d.

Thanks everyone! I do know that my granddaughter is reaching out for love. I've always given it to her and am making sure that she knows I love her and she can talk to me about anything. My first reaction was birth control, but my talk with her involved getting pregnant and STD's and HIV. I also reminded her she is absolutely gorgeous and super intelligent (straight A student - gifted class). I told her she must have more respect for herself and her body. I just don't know if she listened to me.

Lilac,

I am VERY sure that you are a bright spot in her dark world. Thank God for women like you, who will step in and love her, and let her talk!

danita

Sorry to go off topic here, but we need to watch what we name our threads here, when I saw this one in my history, it looks really bad. It could get picked up in the wrong way by a search engine.

[ November 10, 2005, 01:46 AM: Message edited by: TVC15 ]