2010 CENSUS for REDNECKS

Last name: ____________ ____

First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack

What does everyone call you?
(_) Booger
(_) Bubba
(_) Junior
(_) Sissy
(_) Other_______ _________ ___

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Unemployed
(_) Dirty Politician
(_) Preacher

Spouse's Name:_______ _________ _________
2nd Spouse's Name:_______ _________ ______
3rd Spouse's Name:_______ _________ ______
Lover's Name:_______ _________ _________ __

Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: ______
Number that are yours: ______

Mother's Name: ____________ _________ __(If not sure, leave blank)
Father's Name: ____________ _________ __ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_) own or (_) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Total number of vehicles you own: ___
Number of vehicles that still crank: ___
Number of vehicles in front yard: ___
Number of vehicles in back yard: ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: 196_

Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____
Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____

How often do you bathe:
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Not Applicable

Color of eyes:
Left______ Right_____

Color of hair:
(_) Blond
(_) Black
(_) Red
(_) Brown
(_) White
(_) Clairol

Color of teeth:
(_) Yellow
(_) Brownish-Yellow
(_) Brown
(_) Black
(_) None

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_) 1 mile
(_) 2 miles
(_) just a whoop-and-a- holler
(_) just over yonder

I sent mine in already. Have you?

Oh, so you're in Alabama so that's the census you got? In California we got one like this:

2010 CENSUS for California

Last name: ____________ ____

First name: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Coco
(_) Madison
(_) Apple
(_) Phinnaeus
(_) Diezel
(_) Riley


Age: ____ (lies are acceptable)

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Transgender

Orientation: ____ Gay ____ Straight

Occupation: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Movie Star
(_) Sitcom Star
(_) Trust fund baby
(_) Reality show star
(_) Talk show star
(_) Sugar Daddy

Spouse's Name:_______ _________ _________
Nanny's name:_______ _________ ______
Yoga teacher's name:_______ _________ ______
Pool boy's name:_______ _________ _________ __

Relationship with parents: (Check appropriate box)
(_) Strained
(_) We don't speak to each other
(_) Sorry, I can't talk about an ongoing lawsuit


Number of children living in household: _____
Number of tiny annoying dogs: ______

Education: (Lies are acceptable)
___ Harvard
___ Duke
___ MIT

How much are your homes worth:
Beverly Hills: ______
Malibu: ______
90210: ______
Paris: _____

Red Carpet Gowns you own:
____ Prada
____ Armani
____ Bob Mackie
____ Escada

Model and year of your luxury car:
____ 2010 Masarati
____ 2010 Hummer
____ 2010 Corvette

Have you had plastic surgery?
(_) Yes (_) No; (_)Only a little


Number of times you've been chased by paparazzi:_____
Number of times you've been photographed with no panties:_____
Number of times you've been divorced:_____

How often do you:
___ Get a pedicure
___ Have botox
___ Have a facelift

Color of eyes: (include contacts)
Blue:___ Green:___ Hazel:___ Brown:___ Purple:___ Yellow: ___

Color of hair:
(_) Honey Blonde
(_) Platinum Blonde
(_) Sunshine Blonde
(_) Streaked Blonde
(_) Natural Blonde (yea, right)

How far is your home from:
(_) The studio
(_) Rodeo drive
(_) Bongo's Cafe
(_) Hyde lounge

I'll have my personal assistant send mine in sometime this week.

That is so funny and I bet mostly accurate...LOL!!!

THis joke is funny but yesterday a k nock at my door turned out to be the census taker. She was taking my cencus answers and she looked more like a redneck, a large woman with nasty green sweat pants, a stained hooters T-shirt, NO bra, and her dirty brown hair looked as if it hadn't seen water, soap or a comb this year... I am usually quite hospitable but when seeing her I left the screen door locked and talked through it to her. I bet you thought I was going to say one of her top teeth was missing, well you were WRONG, it was a bottom tooth!!! OMG! Yee Gads don't they interview these people before sticking a clip board in their hands? She looked like one of those "friends in WalMart" jokes going around.

Well at least she's working, right? Instead of welfare?