One day my housework-challenged husband
decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do
I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it
say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

-----------------------------------------------------------

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest
woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you..."

--------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes
today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey,
what do you think the neighbors would think
if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
______________________

He said - Since I first laid eyes on you,
I have wanted to make love to you
really badly. She said -
Well, you succeeded.
______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you
stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart.
_____________________

He said - What have you been doing with
all the grocery money I gave you? She
said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror

______________________

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good
looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

_______________________


A man and his wife, now in their 60's,
were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their
special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they
had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had
airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!
__________________

Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your
finger in between his neck and the noose.

_________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

__________________________________

Q: How many men does it take to screw in
a light bulb?

A: one-he just holds it up there and
waits for the world to revolve around him.

OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and
two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

_________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

________________________________

Q: What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

_________________________________

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to
fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

__________________________________


Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill
their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

___________________________________

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the
toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to
wipe.

_____________________________________

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her
every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one
need

__________________________________

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your
e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

and another:

Subject: 3 Minute Management Course
>
>
> Lesson One:
>
> An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
> A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
> "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
> The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Management Lesson One:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Lesson Two:
>
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. " They're packed with nutrients."
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.
> He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree
>
> Management Lesson Two:
> Bulls#$& might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
> _____________________________________
>
> Lesson Three:
>
> A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
> While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
> As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.
> The dung was actually thawing him out! He laid there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
> A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
> Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung.
> He promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
> Management Lesson Three:
> (a) Not everyone who s@#* on you is your enemy.
> (b) Not everyone who gets you out of s&*^ is your friend..
> (c) And when you're in deep s@#*, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

>
> This ends the Three Minute Management Course.

JaMaPh - these are GREAT!!! I've been so bored at work all day and this helped ease my boredom. Thanks for sharing.

LOL my pleasure Jackie.

Love these! Thanks

JaMaPh, Those jokes are sooo good! You tickled my laughing nerve. Ha ha ha ha, ... still laughing...got to go pee. HA Ha ha.......

There were so many in there I'd never heard. Where did you find them? They were hysterical!

ALso, sorry, but I had to edit the s@#* words. No profanity allowed in the forums.

I haven't laughed quite this hard in ages and learned lessons too....fabuloius JaMaPh.