RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE





1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it.........this is the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun.

ROFL!!!
I LOVE it!!! and yes, clean humor is the best.
Why don't today's sit com writers and comedians see that?

While he was telling a joke he would just let go and laugh himself...then I'd just about pee..laughing so hard.
Think one of my most favorite skits was Gertrude and Heathcliff...you remember?
He was one of a kind and had that special gift.

Oh yes,Yepthats me, I remember. I was allowed to watch Red Skelton but I wasn't allowed to watch the part about the June Taylor Dancers. What a great Mom and Dad. They censored everything I watched. Yet, they got me up at midnight on other nights to watch midget wrestling. My Dad always said I was gonna be a midget. I sadly disappointed him by growing to a full 5'0" gal.
Gertrude and Heathcliff...I'd do the skits many times years later for my Mom...oh how she'd laugh at my silliness.
Bluebird, I wonder if the paycheck is bigger with the unclean humor?
Great memories...thanks for posting Vicki.

[ February 15, 2006, 03:05 PM: Message edited by: chickadee ]

Thumbs under the armpit and wiggle those fingers...too funny!

Red Skelton was a comic genius. I think just about everything I ever heard him say or do made me laugh. I don't think there are any comics out there like him anymore. Today's young stand-up comics all have "potty mouths." One of my friends' daughter is a highly successful comic and actress. He's proud of her but says her material often embarrasses him. Kind of sad, don't you think?

Never was another like Red and never will be. Did you know he was also an accomplished artist and painted clowns. My mother collects clown statues and has one of his clown prints which is beautifully done....

I loved the Red Skelton show and especially Gertrude and Heathcliff.

Loved that Red Skelton!!!! My favorite was Clem Caddidilhopper - I'm sure i didn't spell that right - but few comics ever get me to actually laugh out loud and he sure did!!! Boy, those were the days when the whole family would sit down in front of the only tv in the house and laugh at those shows!!! We didn't have tv until I was 6, and boy were we "uptown" then!!

A guy in Branson, MO does a good imitation of Red. He's not Red, but he's good. His comedy is clean and funny.

There's all kinds of laughter and the easiest and cheapest is embarrassed laughter and laughing to fit in.
Embarrassed laughter is when people laugh from embarrassment at what has been said onstage.
Laughing to fit in is when people laugh to appear "cool" to those around them who are laughing to appear "cool" to those around them.

Then there is laughter from the heart and comedy that is truer than truth. That's what Red did.

smile

[ February 18, 2006, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]