RETIREMENT

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie.

When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

I really think my experience as a teacher helps a lot. I consider telling people what they ought to do one of my strong points.

Now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly.. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps.

I don't make a big issue of this; as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club, or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling, or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.

This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting.

Also, if I had a really good day on the course and it was wet and muddy, my clubs are a mess, so I let her clean them, you know, get the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces at a casual pace. My golf bag is heavy so I lift it out of the trunk for her.

Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I did tell her I don't like to be wakened during my after-golf nap so rather than bother me she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take them for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.

I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, and then take her break by my hammock. That way she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.


Signed, RON


EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly Thursday April 30, 2005. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his posterior, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it and died.

My husband has been retired for six years and I wish he would go golfing!

MustangGal you did it again!!! what a riot!!!!
Thank you and keep em comin!!!

Think I'll print this out and post it on the fridge...just in case anyone wants to read it.

That is a riot! Maybe I should post it on my fridge, too. Accept right now mine is being very good about sharing the chores around the house.

MustangGirl...so I don't cover up your hilarious story, I'm not starting another post, just tacking this one on the end. Hope that's okay?

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's play Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Rosita.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu.
I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please, corazoncito, just once, play Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll play Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu! a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
[NOW GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!]

hahahahahahahahaha....weeweechu!!!!....you are too much JJ

JJ, once again you have me falling off my chair laughing. You really got me that time!

Ay, carumba!!

Too cute...

Here's another.

Letter From Santa

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no
longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and
South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on
Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my
contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves
Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get
longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands
with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin,
Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my
goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from
Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper
sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the
fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little
snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon
dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a
couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks
Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh
does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the
words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves
Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt
Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing
into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure
you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends
over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus