yea. Sometimes my friends make me nuts. On Mon, I asked a friend if she wanted to go to the art festival this coming weekend in a nearby town (it's a great festival, held every year). Her reply was "I'm thinking about going on Sat, but I can't commit this far in advance". Ok, it's Mon. I'm asking if you want to go somewhere this weekend, not in July of next year!! so she wants to let me know later in the week.......when? Fri night? Sat morning when I've already given up and am headed to the gym, she'll call and want to go?!? I mean, if we made plans to go, and she called at the last minute to cancel because she had to babysit her grandson or whatever, of course I'd be understanding. I have been in the past and I'm sure I will be again. Stuff happens. It's not like I've ever gotten angry at anybody who's had to change a plan at the last minute. This same gal is the one who always thinks it's ok to include her 28 year old daughter in our plans without telling anyone until we all meet up to go wherever or meet up at wherever we're going. And the daughter is inconsiderate as hell and always makes us change our plans or be late. Ok I guess I needed to vent. But do you ever feel like you're the only one who considers anyone else's feelings and get really sick and tired of it?!?
and yes I have other friends I could ask to go. Everybody's tied up this weekend or their health issues prevent them from being able to walk the distance of the festival. And yea I could go alone, and I may just do that.

Truth be told ladies, my granddaughter the one who was attacked and her mother do not get along. Her mom, my ex DIL, lived togeher after the split up until Sept. after the granddaughter was done using her mother as a free babysittrer and moved out leaving her mother to pay all the3 condo expence herself. It was a very mean thing to do and she laughed about leaving her mom hanging. So they weren't speaking. I talk to my DIL on the phone and we are pretty close, heck she and my son were together 26 years. I like her alot. So the rest of the story, no one in the family approves of my granddaughters occupation and I told her when the bad karma you are creating comes at you it will come at you hard... I hate to say I told you so, but on her way home late one night she stopped at one of those little all night stores in the middle of nowhere and upon leaving was attacked, raped savagely, cut and nearly beaten to death. She remains in a coma as I write this. It was of course unexpected and her baby was at home with a sitter (thank God.)so the police called her mother from stuff they found in her wallet. My DIL called me frantic because she had just started her new job and was afraid to ask for time off. So I had to drop everything, fly there and first go to the hospital then to get the baby who the babysitter took home to her mother. The inlaws were called and refused to help, so I flew back and forth with baby and my dog, then picked up my own car so I could get around better. I was already feeling tired and kind of sick and all the hulabaloo set off the worst cold I've ever had and then ruined my own plans I'd had for weeks. My DIL now has the baby, her graqnddaughter... and has beggged a leave of absence from her new job. No one k nows what comes next, it depends on how fast her daughter heals and what damage has been doneI am staying inside my house and have turned the ringer off on my phones. I need rest and quiet.

So Ann I do truly understand how friends can sometimes make you nuts and family too. My greatgranddaughter will be 1 on Oct. 23rd. and I haven't seen her since she was 4 months old yet no one thinks twice to ask me to take over her care for God knows how long. She is adorable but a very cranky, crying child. Most probably because of her mothers spoiled rotten disposition.

I spend alot of time alone, I go out and eat alone, to movies alone and just roaming around usually alone and guess what? I like it better alone. Yet the harshness of the outside world manages to creep in and kick my behind!!!

Geez Chatty what a mess all that is. Makes my problems look like nothing more than me whining.

I just don't know how things got this way, ok? I think I have lots of friends, yet everyone is so wrapped up in their own stuff, that the days I get to enjoy doing stuff with friends seem to be few and far between. And while sometimes I do enjoy doing stuff alone most of the time I'd rather share a good time with a friend. It's more fun, for me, that way. Once in a while I don't mind going to something alone but it's way more fun, for me with a friend or a group of friends.

A couple of my friends are babysitting grandkids a lot. One is so wrapped up in volunteering for Strides and Relay for Life that her calendar is one meeting after another -- that's all she has time for. One is retired from an airline and travels a lot. Some like to drink (a lot!) and I'm not into that. When I go with them, I end up feeling like I'm the one babysitting as they all get wasted. They want me to join them on a 7 day cruise in Jan but I know they're going to be boozing it up the whole time, and while I have nothing against drinking, when you don't do it and everyone else gets bombed -- well, forget it.

The things I like to do -- beach, arts & craft festivals, whatever -- my husband doesn't like to do or can't because of his disability. I get resentful because I bust my butt helping out at fishing tournaments for disabled veterans because that's what he likes to do, but it doesn't seem like we do much else togther, now that I think about it. Sometimes I very much feel like it's all about everyone else and it's never about ME. And right now I'm going thru a phase where I am just sick and tired of it. It's depressing me, I'm tired of trying to do it all around the house, and not getting out to have any fun lately. When I took Brandy for her walk this morning I just wanted to keep on walking and not turn around and come home.

I think most of our lives are with extremes. At least mine is; - extremely busy, or everyone else is busy.

I wrote a poem about you and your giving nature Chatty. It's in our poetry thread. Your bad cold is most likely from overdoing it, and not getting enough rest. I'm glad to hear the DIL has taken her grandchild. That sure makes more sense than having the great grandmother doing all that running around.

Crossstitch Queen, I hear what you are saying. It is odd, the givers are often taken for granted. Wonder why that is? I bought an excellent German book, it's a bestseller here. The title says it all: - I'll translate:

"Love Yourself, then it doesn't matter who you marry."

CrossStitch Queen, I so hear you!!! I'm going through some very stressful situations in my life right now and feel so alone. I don't know how I got here either!!! I'm one of those people who gave a lot, especially a lot of time and listening and care to others, but now that I'm the one in need, nobody's there. One of my situations involves a fairly serious (or at least, frightening) health issue...there's not one person, one girlfriend I can phone and talk about it. Nobody. And hubby doesn't feel comfortable talking about it because he's scared too. It scares him to face the possibility of losing me. So I feel terribly alone these days. If it weren't for being able to confide in some of my sisters here, who have been praying me through the past few weeks, I'd be going out of my mind. I will eventually share the health issue, but still have to find a way to tell my niece first, who will be devastated. I'm waiting until I know exactly what we're dealing with before telling her.

Anyway, I do hear you, and feel your frustration and emotional pain. I'm having to come face to face with so much these days and it isn't easy doing it alone.

well things are looking up at the moment. Lunch planned with a friend tomorrow after a visit with my mom, then a beach day planned for Fri with my closest friend, then possibly the art festival on Sat with another friend. Maybe with a few days of doing some fun stuff and letting off some steam I'll feel more like my old self. Oh and just planned a 7-day cruise for Jan with an old friend (my husband has no interest in going and a group of gals I know are going, so this friend and I decided to room together) that alone has perked me up!!

I decided maybe I needed to make an effort to reach out more. As a friend of mine always says, it's either feast or famine. I'm either bored and lonely or there's more going on than I can keep up with.

Eagle Heart -- I sure know what you're saying. It's hard when you feel you have no one to talk to. I do have friends I can call and cry on their shoulders when I need to.........although sometimes it's with their grandkids screaming in the background (and yes then you do wonder at times if you have their full attention) and sometimes it's when they're driving from one meeting to another. But when I had my last surgery I had friends show up with prepared meals, they vacumned, changed the sheets, etc, because they knew I couldn't and knew that my husband can't. So they do come thru for me when it counts. Is there really no one you can talk to? I don't know what your health issue is but I hope you find someone to talk to, you need to be able to express your thoughts and fears about it (I discovered the website www.hystersisters.com when I was facing my hysterectomy because I didn't have anybody to talk to about it.......yes my friends could listen, but none of them had been thru it, so while they did the best they could, I needed help from people who had been there). You can't hold everything inside. There have been times I've told my husband "I know you really don't want to hear about this, but you're the only one here, so listen anyway because I've got to let it out". Whatever is going on with you -- additional stress can't be good for it.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Ann, I'm so happy that things are looking up for you. All of the things you mentioned sound fun and nurturing to your spirit.

And I can relate to the "feast or famine" dilemma as well. When we're traveling or gearing up for another trip, there aren't enough hours in the day. But when we're just home, with nothing on the calendar for awhile, life can roll into a rut that's boring and lonely.

Getting here to this level of isolation has taken years of various twists and turns in the road. If I allow myself to think of all that has brought me to this point, it threatens to crush and suffocate me, because I can scarcely believe that I've had the stamina and courage to get through it all...but I could also be crushed by a deep sense of despair and failure if I'm not careful, because I've allowed so much to go unchallenged, so much that has caused such destruction, actions and behaviours by others that have had, continue to have and will long have devastating ripple effects for so many.

In many ways, I feel stuck. Sometimes I fantasize about just running away and starting over somewhere....in fact, I think I was on the verge of doing so a few weeks ago, but two things stopped me...one was that I literally had no place to go. Any safe places I might have once had are all gone, either through death or through these devastating circumstances that have rocked my world in the past few years. I quite honestly have nobody and nowhere to turn to for help or escape.

The other thing that stopped me was the health issue...my husband has shared with everyone he knows, so it's already out there, so why am I not sharing it here. I was diagnosed with cancer three weeks ago today. LUCKILY (so they tell me), it's the best cancer once could ask for if they were going to be able to choose. It's endometrial (uterine) cancer, and it's highly possible that surgery will completely eradicate. I'm just waiting for the phone call for my surgery date, hopefully sometime in November.

This has been a very scary thing to deal with, especially given that both my Mom and brother (as well as countless aunts and in-laws) died of cancer so recently. But I'm managing to stay positive and hopeful. But even after the cancer has been dealt with, there will still be these other issues that have to be dealt with, both short-term and long-term. I honestly don't know where I will be - or want to be - a year from now. My life is in utter chaos and I don't know how to deal with it any other way right now than just staying put and taking it one day at a time...and taking deep breaths to try and draw in wisdom and perspective and gratitude whenever possible.

Addendum: I have to ask any of my facebook friends to please not mention the cancer there yet, until I figure out a time and a way to tell my niece (she's an avid FB user)

Yes, life does roll into a rut that's boring and lonely at times, and that's where I've been for a few weeks.

I'm truly sorry to hear your news and I hope your surgery gets scheduled quickly and all goes well. One day at a time, at this point, is the best and only way to deal with it. I can't even imagine what you are going thru.

You may not be interested in doing so, but I know that online support groups were a big help to me, when I was facing a hysterectomy, and I'm sure there are support groups out there with lots of info and supportive women who would be glad to be there for you. It might be something you'd want to consider checking out, if you think it might help.

And of course we here at BWS will be here for you as well.

Eagleheart, hope your announcement doesn't go under in this thread.

Shocking news, but at the same time I read your optimism and know that is half the battle. You've gone through alot, and this too you will handle with bravo. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thinking of you my friend.

Ann, thank you for your suggestions...I've looked at the hyster-link last night and couldn't handle it right then. I've thought about an online cancer-support group - I know that I received a great deal of supportive advice when I was taking care of my brother. My cancer may not be so serious and might not require anything more than surgery to fix. So I sort of feel unentitled to in-depth support at this point. Silly, I suppose, but that's how I feel. There are so many going through so much worse that I feel a bit over-dramatic asking for anything right now, except perhaps prayer.

Edelweiss, I did sort of just blurt it out, didn't I. It's been really hard keeping it in for 3 weeks. I found out just before my niece's wedding, and at that point didn't know too much about it. It was difficult keeping a cheerful face throughout the festivities. I did manage to find a nice pocket of quiet time with my brother and shared with him, and was delighted to receive a caring email from him late last night (unusual for him). So that's hopeful too. He's the only other person who also knows about the other situations going on...he's been surprisingly supportive and wise in his advice. So that may be an unforeseen - and lovely - ally in the coming months.

Angelika, your picture is very appropro...there's a song that I continuously sing/pray these days (I've changed the words slightly)...the chorus goes "Healing waters flow on, wash away my pain, bring your healing to my heart, help me live once again." Your picture is like an affirmation that God is listening.