I'm really angry. Just returned from TX to do a speaking gig on domestic violence. It was a joke! The luncheon had nothing to do with dv but my girlfriend using me and my book to promote her own cause. She even had me get up and talk before I had eaten because we only had an hour and she wanted the last 15 minutes so I could sing HER songs.

You don't have a speaker talk while people are eating and you sure don't use another person's time to promote yourself. And, we had lunch the next day and she told me I needed to move beyond domestic violence into a more likeable topic! I got really irritated and told her I WAS domestic violence. I made a promise to God that if He saved me from drowning I would get well and help other people and I sure wasn't going to forget that promise. And, I want to shove dv in people's faces so they know what it going on in their community.

I'm so irritated I can barely write this.

The friendship thing.
Its ok to rethink where you are at now regards friends.I have held on past the sell by date due to feeling bemused when a friend seemed to campaign on eroding me.It came from the blue and eventually I asked that she did not contact me again.
This was earlier this year and I do not regret it.I feel liberated.This time of year I would be thinking of sending her Christmas gift nad even that task being removed is lighening.
Any saddness I feel is that I had an illusion that was unreal.Neither of us are nasty women I just found the pattern she used on me overpowering and I thought long and deep before taking the steps I did.(I did ask on the forum and as usual the girls were super)
If I were to list the things she said I am sure you would be surprised but I have moved on.We emailed after being pen friends since we were EIGHT !!! she visited UK and we met three times but for me the best thing I did was when I decided time was too precious to have hassle.
Mountain ash

Your work is you Dianne..

Well, Diane and Mountian Ash,
'
You are not alone . I met up with a friend I went to high school with I have not seen in over 30 yrs and forgot what she was like,after 30 yrs and you do hope for the best in friends that they have mellowed or changed for the best.

Well, out of lunch and to dinner with her hubby , she was very critical of me from everything from my spelling of words and cannot eat certain foods to her face broke out as a teen and did not leave scars , like my face did . I should have asked her if she was talking about me . She made me feel dumb and she was the smart one .

When talking to a long time , which I grew up with she asked me what was I going to do now . I thought about this and for me the best things to do is not email her anymore and slowly , but ever so slowly back away once her. We try to look for the good in everyone and sometimes it does not pay off . Too bad she cannot see herself in how she is making a person feel . Could this be wanting power over you ? I know one thing I was physically and mentally tired after trying to defend myself .

Thanks for letting me share my thought on this subject .

Renee

There is quite nothing like being used, …under the pretension that someone is doing you a favour.

Some people have no tact. Sounds like your girlfriend is lacking in that department. Mountain Ash suggested talking to my DIL for 5 minutes…maybe we could add your girlfriend to the list! Ha!

What you are doing, Dianne, is so incredibly honourable. I have nothing but great respect for you.

Dianne, there is no doubt in my mind that you're doing what you're meant to do. Your passion and wisdom provide such inspiration and hope for so many, including myself. Whenever I'm overwhelmed by my own LACK of passion for life, you are one of the first people who come to my mind and bring inspiration to do whatever it is I CAN do and know that for now, it's enough.

IMO, anyone who can't see the immeasurable value and critical need for what you do and who you are simply might not have the eyes to see...or the heart to care enough to see...or perhaps is hiding her own dark fear and can't find the courage to face it.

You are one of my personal heroes...your light ripples all the way through my dark northern skies and into my heart...you ROCK!

By likeable topic, did she mean she wanted YOU to have an agenda like her? Using friends for personal gain?

Dianne, sometimes we have friends who are takers and who ultimately make us sit back and realize that we've outgrown them; spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I would say you've grown way past her "shelf life" as Mountain Ash put it. (I love that!). I had to do the same thing with a friend of 20+ years. It was hard to do as I didn't understand her sudden "toxic" attitude towards me until I realized AND she practically told me in so many words, that she didn't want me to devote so much time to writing and who did I think I was? How dare me think I could write!

She stepped all over my vision, my dream, and my goals. Worse than that, she wanted me to feel bad about myself and following my dream. She tried to infuse doubt. She needed me to feel inferior. Badddddd move.

Keep growing; keep helping others. Move on. You'll be glad you did.

Thanks, girls. You're all right. I'm just going to trust that there were women at the luncheon that needed to hear what I had to say. There was an entire table made up of police officers. That was a good sign.

I never give sad, depressing talks. I'm actually pretty lively and funny at times. But, when I told the audience that 1/3 of all children who live in violent homes suffer more severe PTSD than the soldiers returning from Iraq and there are 350,000 children that suffer PTSD nationwide, you could have heard a pen drop. Gee Houston, do you think we have a problem?????? And, I should change my venue? I don't think so!


Can you tell I'm still upset?

Like all loss (for you have lost a friend) we go through stages...Disbelief that anyone could be so wrong...for this woman IS for sure wrong allowed you to share.
I pondered for a while.I just could not BELIEVE this woman could onginginly get it wrong.After delving deeply within I realised that I had invested so much in the long friendship.That part of me had been shared.Probably I still need someone to hear what was going on.Yesterday I tried to PM a board member to share.We all need validated and appreciated.
Dianne your work is so needed and wherever children hurt they need help.We are all behind your work.
One point...important to recognise in counselling.Wherever a person had a block and lets admit this woman has a block lies unchartered territory.Agree to differ but stand up for your beliefs to her.She has to learn however painful for her.Thats how we grow.
Mountain ash

I just saw this, Dianne! I am a performer too so I understand what this woman did very clearly. I was rippin' mad for you too!
This woman is, well, I'll say it, stoopid. To tell you to move on from the cause you support is beyond stoopid. It's like telling me, "you should move beyond dance and do_____" WHAT?? I'm gonna' be dancing when I'm 78 in my own studio for me and loving every min. of it because it's what I DO, it's part of me, like what you do is part of you! Correct me if I'm wrong but you feel a PURPOSE to do what you do and you "have," to do it, right?
What sort of person thinks like this? It's just stoopid.
To take your cause, undermine it, try to use you to get attention for herself is lower than low as well. I'm sure she could not hold an audience for a min. You were the show, right? She was the fool.

I'm sorry this happened to you but I was wondering if she was a friend, friend. ?
dancer