After having DSD and her DH this weekend, we got into a little discussion about being at home with the baby.

Problem is, DSD is an engineer and she says she REALLY likes her job. I said she MAY really like Motherhood, too! Her Dad says she can take motherhood to an artform!! I think she has up to about a year to be off without penalty.

I'll tell ya. I would bawl my eyes out the day they say they will take our grandbaby to a BABY SITTER to raise! My feelings are, if God wanted the baby sitter to raise the baby, she would have him/her instead of DSD!! Too bad we live so far, I would be the baby sitter!

Anyway, are there any good books or something I can send her about the UP side and benefits of being at home??

Di, I've been on both sides. I had a professional career for 15 years before the birth of our son.

I'm sure there are some good books on the subject but my feeling is that she is going to realize this on her own. I gave up my job to stay home and raise our two. I never went back and never regretted it. We never wanted anyone to raise our two children except me.

You can probably check Amazon.com for some good book titles on this subject though.

I found a book and some resources if anyone is interested...

http://www.efamilymatters.net/pk4/store.pl?view_product=58

I sent it to DSD. Not sure what she'll do with it, but I had to cast out the net at least!

Di, step tenderly. I totally agree with you because my husbnad and I made the decision before marriage that I would stay home with our kids when we started our family. I wouldn't trade that decision for anything in the world. Eighteen years is such a short period of time in retrospect, but some young women can't imagine life without a career.

So don't forget, everyone is different. I wouldn't want this to become an issue between you and your DSD. Do you think she will take offense?

Just a thought...

I can atest to this. I don't tell my Daughter-in-law how to do anything. Ever. She is precious and worth her weight in gold, I adore her, so don't get me wrong. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. She is more like a daughter to me than an inlaw.

However, I was use to telling my son whatever I wanted to and after they got married and had their own place, she has ever so gently let me know that she loves me, but my opinion is not necessrily the gospel. Can you imagine? LOL!

Its her and my son's home. Not mine. Their lives, not mine. I contribute when they ask me, but never before asked.

I'm not saying what you did was wrong, I actually commend you for being so thoughtful Di, it was certainly a step taken out of love, and good for you, I say. I just hope she feels the same way.

JJ

I agree with JJ. You never know, after she's home with the baby for a year, she may decide to stay home on her own.

Prayer may work better than direct suggestions.

Daisygirl

Well, I just told her it was an "aide" to help her and that we can never be too educated.

I also told her that she "could" love the job of "mother" as well as her paying job.

Not long ago, I heard of a women at a conference ask the women in the audience, by a show of hands, how many wished they were raised by a nanny or babysitter. No one raised their hand! She then said, "then why would you do that to your children?" I shared that with DSD as well.

Hope she "hears" it! I think it is horrible that a mother would send her baby to be raised by some stranger. I think it is selfish and cruel.

Di that was a smart thing to say to her. I agree. If I have one regret it is that I was forced to send my children to daycare. It wasn't however because I was selfish, but because my husband, or ex, had decided dating women while married was fun. We divorced, he skipped the child support and continued with his fun, and I was left to raise the children, and bills. I made just enough to pay for daycare, feed, and house us. There were no Christmas presents. There were, at that time, no work from home jobs like today, or computers, and it was hard. But... a woman's gotta do AND I did.

I know you weren't saying all women are selfish that do this, so don't take my explanation the wrong way. And I kown you don't think I was cruel either. So please don't misunderstand this post. I'm actually telling you that I agree wholeheartedly with stay-at-home Moms. When I die, this will still be my biggest regret. I cried all the way to work, every single day.

JJ

Thanks for being mature enough, JJ, to not misread me. :hug:

Right. There is a difference between "can't" and "won't". I know that there are situations where some (like you)could not. I would have cried every day myself.

DH and I are both adament about this. If they do decide to have someone else raise this child, we will sell what we have invested in and move to be the caregiver. We do not want to be the selfish ones. We have never intended to leave our ranchette/homestead, but at the sacrifice of this grandchild, we will. They can pay me to watch the child and DH can work when we move. But maybe,just maybe, our willingness to do this will make them think twice.

We'll see.

My husband and I agreed before we had children that we didn't want anyone else taking care of our children. I stayed home and wouldn't trade it. Matter of fact, it made me become more involved in community events through the children. You never know what your DIL will decide once she has that precious baby to hold and think about someone else spending all that time with them and not her.

I hope she appreciates your input Di. I live in the same town as my son and they've already kind of approached me about possibly watching the baby. I just told them to see how my DIL feels about returning to work when it's time, then we'll talk. Between us, I think I wouldn't mind for a while watching the little one, but we never know how it will work out.

Best of luck!
Sandpiper