We've managed to work things out to all our mutual satisfaction! When Raul and Amy move out, I'll be moving with them! I get a lot more time to get my feet underneath me instead of splayed out on either side of my butt. It's not an ideal situation, but I will have my own room, the two lovebirds will have their own room, the kids will have their own space partitioned off from an enormous living room, and we will not be crammed up on top of each other like sardines anymore.

The worst part: it's on the second floor of a building. Stairs are problematic for me. However, I'm not going to have to run up and down them all the time, so they will not be a constant hassle. Just an occasional one. Perhaps this is Spirit's way of telling me that parts of my body have healed sufficiently to bear this situation, and I do not need to baby myself as much as before. Or perhaps not. I shall see.

At any event, I will not be left behind in a crap hole apartment in a dangerous neighborhood with no means to survive. That's a good place to start. I will survive, barring heart attacks, accidents or natural disasters.

So now I begin the process of changing my address with everyone, and then a little later, I begin the process of changing back to my maiden name. For the third time. Fortunately, I never dropped it completely, and it's on my Florida I.D. along with my married name.

If I ever, somehow, manage to get married again, and I doubt I will, I am NOT going through this again. Not changing my name, which, believe it or not, can be an arduous process.

But I don't have to worry about being left to fend for myself when I am not in a position to do so, nor will I starve to death, nor will I be alone in an apartment with crumbling walls and peeling paint, at the mercy of the crack fiends and crack dealers living in this very building.

All I have to do is be a good roommate. Play nicely with others. Pitch in whenever possible. Stay on my medication. All of this is not hard to do. I've got another chance to start my life over, in a safe haven. It's the least Raul and Amy can do for me. Also the best they can do. I'll accept it, gratefully.

Now I can concentrate on throwing out extraneous crap that's been laying around, boxing up stuff worth saving, and my slowly emerging writing career.

I'd like to be more joyful about this all. For now, I'm happy just to feel relieved. It's WAY better than feeling I am better off dead, and breaking down sobbing every hour or so.

And I can breathe! I'm not gasping for air all the time, as I've been doing for the past couple of months. I'm calm, and I can breathe!

Brightest Blessings,
Lil

Lil, how exciting that you have a bright future and you've set goals for yourself and are seeking to obtain them.

You sound like you have the "take it one step at a time" down pretty good!

You mentioned you are reminding yourself to stay on your meds. What are you taking.. and for ...?
Even when you start to feel better, keep taking your meds.

I take Risperdal for Bi-polar. Do you experience something similar?

Good luck and I wish you tons of success!!!

lil, I am glad the anxiety about where you would live is taken care of. I am sure that helps you to better concentrate on taking your medication and getting the help you need.

I know what you mean about the changing your name thing. It is the first time I ever felt like it is truly a man's world when I had to go through all of that.