Hi, I also stumbled on this site looking for suggestion for changing my life. I'm 51, divorced, living with a man that I love but know is not right for me. Way too much conflict and he won't go to counseling. Have a secure job, but am so stressed, don't make enough money anyway and tired of it. My kids are 21 & 24, pretty much on their own. All I think about is putting a for sale sign up on my house,leaving this guy, quitting my job and disappearing. Of course, I do not have the money to do this (or is that stopping me too)and I'm afraid to be alone. The only thing that seems to keep me going is yoga. On top of it, I suffer from depression, which does not help (meds do help though)My gut screams at me everyday to do something, but I don't even know how to. Of course, if I had the money I would spend a year by the sea.

Any ideas where to start? I have seen alot of books, articles etc, but those who seem to acomplish this have great earing potential and/or in the bank. I have lots of money issues huh?

Any ideas?

Ahh, yes, a year by the sea. Sounds good to me!!

Welcome Bonnie. I wish I could solve all your problems in one easy message! You will find that this is a great place to bounce ideas off of women who've been through similar circumstances, and they offer awesome encouragement and support.

Does the man you're living with help with the finances? Could that be why you're still with him?

Are you really good at yoga? And I noticed you also do basket weaving - tell me more. Is it a hobby, or have you sold some pieces? What kind of baskets?

How about earning some extra income as a yoga teacher? Is there a gym nearby, do you need to get certified, etc?

So many questions, but answering them will maybe help you think of your options.

It can be so frustrating in your position - stick around and join in on the forums. Looking to hear more from you!

Kathy

Hi Bonnie and welcome to the forum. Maybe if you sent the man you're with packing you could heal all the other things that need healing in your life. Why should you run away from your home and job and friends just to rid yourself of him. Its your home, tell him to get out or have him put out. Sounds to me like that the biggest problem you have. All else will get better for you once the stress of this man is gone. Been there, done that!

[ June 19, 2006, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Hi Bonnie and welcome to BWS. I'm guessing you are staying with this man because of finances. IS there any way you can cut your expenses and ask him to leave? Are your kids in town? Do you have any type of counseling you can seek during this difficult time? Are you getting any exercise?

I hope you'll stick around and post in other forums. Wishing the courage to make the changes necessary for your happiness that's awaiting you!

Thanks so much for the quick replies. The boyfriend owns a portion of the house & contributes lots of $$$ I could not afford to keep it without him. My 24 year old daughter is in town, my son has one more year of college. I do yoga, but I feel I need more time in the practice to pursue being a teacher. I would love to do that and its a long term goal. The baskets are a hobby.

Menepause (or is it mentalpause) and having no thyroid does not help. No HRT for me (do herbs, vitamins etc)and the thyroid is an ongoing problem. Many Drs. no great solutions.

I've been to lots of counseling. Its my own fears that are stopping me. The money, being alone.

One other thing...is this the right forum to be on? I couldn't quite find a one that fits me except the whining board..I am doing lots of that huh?

Bonnie,
People who have a need to be heard are NOT whiners. Don't put yourself in that category. We're here to listen and help if we can.

Help me and others to understand a little better, if you would. You say you love this man but there is a lot of conflict going on (I assume daily?) and this is stressing you out. Also, you say he will not go to counseling. That is very typical of a lot of men. It's so UNmanly to them to admit they may have a problem with anger, commitment, etc...etc...

I think I'm seeing that you feel backed into a corner. In other words, you feel like you cannot move forward with your life because of financial obligations. This too is a BIGEE when it comes to stress.

Then there is the menopause thing. Let's face it, when that hits us, it isn't necessarily kind to us. It can force us to look at things in a new light, yet also make our imagination run a muck. Things get blown out of porportion, they become bigger than life, and a way out seems impossible.

Step back and breathe. Is there any danger to you (physically or mentally) at this time? If not, then you have just won half the battle.

If finances and being alone are the only things from keeping you from living the life you want, then take heart. These things can be "fixed." No, I didn't say overnight, but they can. And the light at the end of the tunnel is much better than no light at all, wouldn't you say?

So, given that this is true, start formulating your NEW LIFE. Think about what you want, how you want it to be and in your mind, or even secretely on paper, make it specific. What DO you need? More money to buy him out? How much? Be specific...then list ANY available options. A second job, yard sales, selling antiques you may have, whatever. What about him buying YOU out?

You are afraid of being alone? Are you lonely now? With him? The most I was lonely was when I was married.

You met him, you can very well meet another.

I hope some of this helps. I know it is only the tip of the iceberg, but honey, you are NOT on the titanic...you are in this world to live an abundant, loving life. If you aren't living YOUR life the way YOU want to, who is living it for you? Him?

In much love, JJ

Bonnie,
Listen to all of that good advice from JJ..there is not much I can add to what she said except to say...Welcome..and I wish you well in your struggles...never apologize for "whining" to us..because talking about our feelings is the most freeing and healing way to deal with all of our insecurities and worries..and there is not a safer , softer place in which to land than this forum...

Bonnie, let me add my welcome too, and more reassurance that venting, raging, searching, hungering are NOT considered to be whining here, and that asking for help and wisdom - and finding hope and healing are all part and parcel of being here.

When I first stumbled in here I was very broken, lost, intolerably lonely - and I'm certain I've whined more than my fair share (still do whine more than my fair share), but there's so much love, support, genuine care and welcome here, these women have brought immeasurable kindness, healing and wisdom to help me find my way through the rubble of "what used to be" and into my new "here and now".

Now I'm sure that my - and maybe yours too - stumbling in here was no accident. This IS a safe, soft place to find your way through your life as it is now into your life as you want it to be. Welcome and enjoy being here!

Welcome Bonnie,

I think you found the place you were looking for. I have been helped by these loving, kind, and honest women and I hope I have helped others, also. Recently I had a man-crisis and even though it certainly wasn't a life or death situation, my Boomer sisters gave sound advice and listened to me vent.

You're going to love it here!
Daisygirl

Welcome Bonnie! I echo the sentiment that you are not whining! It's truth telling you are doing and this is a wonderfully safe place to do so.

I am curious. What do you hate most about your situation, including the job, the man, the environment, or anything else? Let it rip!

In support,