My very dear sister Ronnie died in March 2004 on the date which would have celebrated beloved sister Ellie's birthday, had she herself not suddenly died at age 46 in 1998. Ronnie was buried on MY 54th birthday....Jeepers. Talk about going from birthday candles on cakes to memorial candles in church!....Today is New Years Day 2006 and I'm still here, spreading the gospel of survival one-day-at-a-time. Well, that's not entirely true. Part of me is really someplace else. With Ronnie, Ellie, my angel-brother "Cuddy" who died when I was young, and my parents, along with all those in my small family who have gone on to "a better place."....Just before Christmas, hubby and I filled the car up with homemade wreaths and delivered them to the cemetery, one for each of my favorite people. Well, that's not entirely true either. Dad was SUCH an alcoholic who made our lives miserable at times, and mom was a raging dysfunctional, whose antics left me as scarred as "Eve" in "Three Faces of Eve." ....I cried the hardest when placing Ronnie & Ellie's wreath. Hey you guys! Why aren't we wrapping each other's presents? Where are you??? I need you HERE! We are supposed to be aging boomers TOGETHER!!!.....Last night at midnight of this very new year, there was no one to phone. And God bless his recovering heart, Dick Clark for the first time looked & sounded OLD. Has the world gone positively mad??? Dear hubby was next to me, poor thing, viral and asleep. Grown son & girlfriend were safely tucked away in his apartment; we had exchanged "best wishes" earlier......They say the glass is half empty or half full, depending on which part you are concentrating on. I try to focus on "half full," remembering the good times, appreciating the family & friends who are left, brightening the lives of others who seem worse off...This loser-husband of a girl I know, ran off with another woman just before Christmas, leaving the young woman with 2 small children and penniless to boot. That heartbreak happened to me once, but not at Christmas, so I made like the Christmas Angel and bought as many gifts for them as my budget would allow. God bless you Ronnie & Ellie for helping me to be an Angel like you two!....Over the next couple of months, up comes another round of birthdays & holidays, and kaleidoscope memories with varying shades of light & dark.... It's time to fill that glass again. Hey Ronnie! Hey Ellie! Do you have a bottle opener?????

Happy New Year Josie, keep that glass half full always.

Please look at what I posted under the topic Winter Solstice.

This is a new year Josie and time for you to look about and smile for whatever joys you have in your life. Take this journey with me and our other boomer sisters.

I hope to see you posting here often. A big hearty ((((( HUG ))))) to you. This hug is a Bluebird trademark.

Thanks ladybug! Although my half-glass-full-of-Sprite and I cannot find the topic Winter Solstice, I DID feel the hug. God bless and Happy New Year! Josie

PS: Yesterday I surprised my under-the-weather hubby with a “Band of Brothers” party for two. As we watched the 10 hour DVD marathon, I kept us supplied with coffee, soda and fun foods. He said it was one of the best times he’d ever had, us relaxing together and vegging out with good munchies....I'm sure counting them blessings! lol I should probably be counting a few calories as well. lol lol lol

Josie, I've heard that calories don't count when your vegging out. lol. My grandmother used to go on ice cream diets. She reasoned that if all she ate was ice cream, she'd lose weight.

Hang in. You've lost a lot of loved ones. My sis died in June of 2004, and it still doesn't seem right that she's gone. She always said she wasn't going to be around that long. Dad always said that too. Both of them died at a much earlier age than most of the family. There's a hole where she used to be. There's a hole where all my loved ones who've gone on used to be.

This night and every night as you lay down to sleep may you feel the wings of angels wrapping you in love and comfort while you sleep.

Vi

Vi

Why did your sister think she wasn't going to be around "that long" ? Do you know? And Dad?????

I am forever lamenting my Nichole, but I'm now, beginning to come to the surface, I think. Maybe just a little. Become aware of the world around me. Just a little, tho'. Don't get too excited....I AM pokey....

You've lost too many. Too many...You've just simply had too much. I applaude you for not jumping off a bridge. You have not only borne the pain of these so many losses, but you have made it your life's mission to improve your life and others. Your art, your books, your speech here. Your encouragement to me and others, while also being true to yourself. I hope to be just like you, Vi.

We'll see

Searcher

Josie,

You, too have suffered too many losses. Your story has touched my heart. You are missing siblings and we are here to fill a part of that role. We can never replace them, but at least be a place where you can call home.....Speak your mind, we'll listen. You will get advice, some great, some not so great. But that's as sisters go, we are all at least, trying to help in our own way.....

Searcher

Searcher,

Your words humble me. I try hard to help and to be true to myself and my mission. It's a hard climb at times. As I see it, after great loss there can be great achievement, if we strive for the higher path - the one that leads us to help others.

My sister and my father both had rheumatic fever when they were very young. (My sister also had severely high blood pressure after the birth of her first child.) Both of them nearly died in childhood. So my dad was forever telling me he wasn't going to be around long - he lived to be almost 70 in a family that lived to be 85 to 90, even the men. And my sister was always telling me that since I had no children or grandchildren, I could claim hers after she was gone.

[ January 05, 2006, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: Vi ]

Your sister was a treasure....what a thing to say. The trust she had in you was beyond measure.......

Josie,

Just thinking of you and wondering how you are today. This loss thing comes in waves. Sometimes is sits and stays awhile - acute and achey. So I ask you - do you need a hug today? I'm sending several - one for now and an additional six to last you an entire week. They are also recyclable.

Searcher, thanks. My sis and I were so different. I often wished we could have been similar, so we could have shared more. But she was herself, and I was me, and the places our interests met were few. But we love each other. That was never in question.

Searcher and Josie, do you dream about your loved ones - or are the losses too new for dreams?

Vi

Every nite I go to bed, hoping I'll dream about Nichole, or that she will come to me in some way. I only had a dream once - only it really wasn't exactly a dream . It was between that sleep and wake place - like when you wake up to make a trip to the bathroom, but are still to much asleep to be called awake..........and it was as tho she was giving me a message--something about the interconnectedness of time and generations of people, and tthen something about Sam....but I just can't get hold of that part. That part drives me crazy because anything concerning Sam I NEED to know!!!!