I put this here because I didn't want to disturb anyone else's post they had going. I would truly like some input from you girls on this subject matter.

Since Daddy's death, I've experienced feelings I have never had to deal with before. Extreme sadness, fear of something (not quiet sure what), and withdrawals from everything and everybody...

I have these terrible panicky feelings of wanting to sell everything I own and move to timbucktwo and live in a cave. What the heck is going on here? I haven't even gone back to my job yet. I'm seriously thinking of quitting it anyway as I hate it, but that was before my loss. The one missing emotion is anger and thank the good Lord I don't have that present. I'm just confused.

Any light shed on this, or similar experiences would be appreciated by moi....

JJ

JJ,
I'm so sorry you're going through these bad times. I'm not sure, but I probably experienced fear after the death of my Daddy too. I remember being angry at everything for no reason for a while and I have read that anger is an emotion that is secondary to fear. So maybe you are just experiencing fear as a part of the grief process.
Seems like you might hate your job even more now too because at a time of crisis, your emotions are heightened. But from what I have read, it would be be better not to make any big decisions until after you are past the initial stages of grief.

Now as to this withdrawal thing. You might just as well forget it. You ain't withdrawing from us cause we'll get gweedo come to timbucktoo and drag you out of any old cave you try to hide in.

So there!!

smile
Hope you feel better soon. Sometimes just sharing helps.

[ June 07, 2004, 04:28 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

JJ,
You can still have the help of Hospice afterward too. They have grief counselors who can help you through this. Sometimes they are other volunteers who have gone through what you are going through.
There are ten steps to grieving. Some people go through some of it and others don't.
To me it sounds like you are going through the grieving process and its not easy. I just looked and couldn't find the ten steps or paper that I received.
Maggie

The best advice I have heard on grief is not to deny any emotion that you feel but wait it out...and work through it...grief has a purpose.

I think losing a parent brings a special sort of grief because they have been a buffer between us and mortality...after the passing of our parents we are "next in line" and that is frightening, no matter what beliefs we hold. I have cerainly dwelt a lot on the idea of mortality since my father's death.

I have found a great benefit in writing...the terrific thing is that as a character in your writing you can chuck your job and everything and move into the cave, and get it all down on paper, test it out, before you actually make changes in your real life.

It's alright to hiberbate a while and let yourself heal.

Queen I have to agree with all of the statements maqde but especially with Julie. My dad was my rock, my buffer between me andthe evils and uly in this world and when he passed that buffer was gone and I felt afraid and so alone. As thought my hero, my warrior and protector had been slain. I wanted to run and hide as well, I felt kind of like, "why bother" we're all as good as dead anyway. I was running from my own mortality. Theres a saying I'd like to share with you about solitude...

Let me remember that I have the right to create a space of solitude for myself, if only to enjoy ther soothing sound of running water in my own bathtub. Solitude is a blessing and everyone needs time alone.

I hope this too helps alittle. If you really hate the job, quit and use this time to improve your life with a better situation...

Thank you ladies. Today I feel a tad better than yesterday, so I can't wait until tomorrow.

I do appreciate your support and I'm thinking that maybe I should write all of this down. At least it would let some of it out and I wouldn't be holding so much inside. I now relate with people who have anxiety attacks because one minute I feel jovial, then next depressed. Good then I'm not a brain surgeon, heh?

JJ

You know JJ these disgusting mid life hormones may be adding to your mood swings. I'm amazed at how volatile my emotions are at this stage of life. I expected to be strong and decisive by now with every thing settled and going smoothly. Wrong. Instead I seem to be more emotional than ever. Things that previously didn't even bother me now make me nuts.
My crisis recovery plan is just allow it to happen on its own. I think you have to first wallow, then contend, and finally recover before you can move on.
My crisis philosophy is: You have to get past something before you can get over it and the only way past it is through it.
Write your recovery down and we'll be here to listen if you need us.
smile

jawjaw, just a couple thoughts...

First, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Just remember that you'll grow through it too.

-ECC 3:1-7
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to heal,...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,...a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.

Remember God comforts those who mourn.

Also, another thought...I know it's good to be alone as others have mentioned, but it is also good to be with people who grieve when you think you're ready for it. Some people don't choose grief support groups because they have enough sadness without listening to other's. I think they can serve their purpose if the timing is right.

I'm praying for you to hunker down with God and listen when you can. Don't worry about not being able to pray . That's what the community of faith is all about. We're carrying you during this time...and happy to be your prayer warriors.
Blessings all around.

JawJaw ~ may I add my two bits worth?

I too agree with the others comments. I think there's a time after losing a parent where you just feel like an orphan. It's scary and unfamiliar, especially if you're close at all. And the world looms out there. I think at the same time, it seems so completely odd when you've suffered a debilitating loss, that the world still goes around, the sun still comes up, the phone still rings, the paper gets tossed in the bushes in the morning, just like every other day, as if it didn't matter that someone you've loved... you've just lost. It all seems so very surreal.
I think it's very normal to even think of doing something drastic because.....well, why not? While I do subscribe to the school of thought that would tell you to wait things out and ride the emotions out, I also think that there are times in our lives that it doesn't hurt to step out and make a drastic change. You could quit your job. You Could travel. You could, depending on your financial situation, make a drastic change and perhaps even like it. You are at a time in your life that you could reinvent yourself, should you afford yourself the luxury of doing that. I think that it's just as scary to you now as it is to a two year old who wanders out into the front yard by him/herself and thinks "OHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my gosh, it's all so overwhelming" while looking at the expanse of life.
All of a sudden you are relived of some very defining governors in your life. You can now be anything, go anywhere, be anybody that you want.

What do YOU want to do?

Kate

JJ,
A thought just occurred to me, you know you were so very much needed by your father especially near the end and maybe it's kind of like when kids leave home, you're no longer needed (at least as much) and you sort of feel untethered. My Dad was not seriously ill for very long before his death so I didn't have that feeling, but I did feel it when the kids left home and my mother seemed to feel it when my Dad died. She considered moving and traveled quite a bit for a while, but finally settled and is now calmed.
Maybe you have lost not only your father, but your tether. Without that, maybe we would all just go floating off into the sky like a baloon.
smile