Hello everybody! im in a recovery process from a broken marriage, not really broken since we are just separated physically and emotionally but not legally...it was a bitter and hurtful separation which happened last sept. 2004 and so until now we havent tallked to each other and settled or put closure in our relationship...we have 3 kids, all girls who live with me. he gives his monthly suppors, calls and texts his kids from time to time....about me, i was really devastated with what happened, he was my first love since we were 15 yrs old, married for 10 yrs. in short, been in love with him for 22 years...i want to move on and recover from this loss..what i started doing was building a more intimate and closer relationship with the Lord which i admit was not really that good...my husband doesnt want to talk to me yet about situation but im willing and ready to initiate the talk....whatever decision we make for the present and the future, i hope that i would be able to accept and agree with it....please feel free to reply with my post and looking forward to hear from you guys here....God bless to all

Hi bekya,
Welcome to the site. Many of us here have recovered from separations and broken marriages. Many have been married for years. You will get support from us all in your healing process. You say hyour husband is text messaging his children about you. Is he telling them things about "you" in a good or bad sense? How old are your children?I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted.
chick

Welcome bekya,

Glad to have you here. There are lots of great people here that will help you heal and give you good intended ideas on how to help you.

It is so hard when a couple has marriage troubles. My father used to say it's hard enough in this world to work and be happy but when we are not having success in our marriage it is twice as hard to hold on and make it work. Sounds like you both are ready to end yours. So sorry to hear this.

I will be married 35 years this December and I tell you there were a couple of times when I thought our marriage was over. He cheated and it almost cost the marriage. Glad we worked it out. Don't know if your problem is such or other things, but since you are drawing closer to God, you know prayers will help you in your decisions. HE will lead you and help your mate to see things you can't.

I hope all works out for you. Will be praying for you. Glad you're here.

Sandpiper

It sounds like the marriage has been left up in the air, undecided. Do you want closure or do you want him back? I think that makes a difference. I guess I don't understand why he isn't talking to you. Maybe you could give us some more details, if you feel free to do so, and we could offer some more advice.

Stay strong. We're here for you. Welcome.

Hi Bekya: I am glad you joined BWS- I am sorry for your pain in this situation. Marriage difficulties are always painful and affect all lives involved tremendously.

But I agree with Dianne and others regarding lack of info on our side.

One important issue is that the parents refrain from defaming each other or trying for the kids to take sides, etc. It is important that kids are able to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents. They are the most affected parties in marital conflicts.

Your closer relationship with the Lord is the best source for wisdom and strength. Friends are a great support group too and so is BWS.

If you wish to share more info, please feel free to do so.
I hope you find comfort in knowing that I will be praying for you and yours.

Hello chikadee, sandpiper, dianne and songbird! thanks for welcoming me here...about the details, chikadee, he texts and calls his kids asking them how they are doing at home and school but never asks about me...my kids are all girls, ages 7, 9 and 11..my husband is with the military and we dont have a normal set up of family life since he comes homes from his assignment at least 4 times in a year...i guess i could say the distance became our enemy meaning, in the latter part of our marriage, we have become indifferent to each other and started to drift apart....the fights were present everytime we were together....i could say we havent communicated to each other what was wrong, we never understood each other's needs until it was too late and this happened....you were asking why was my hubby angry at me is becos before this happened, my hubby was accusing me of having an affair...his accusations was based on asking his kids how late i am coming from work, saw me in front of our pc late at nite (accused me of chatting) and dreaming about me with another guy...of course i am not guilty of doing anything wrong except for the chatting which i admitted when i caught him to be with another woman...that led to our actual separation, i caught him and out of my anger, shock and hurt, i admitted to him i was chatting and wished im in love with someone....hurtful and angry words were exchanged during that time...after that, ive heard he was telling our friends he doesnt want me and we're through...at first, ive tried to talk to him, texts him and wrote him letters, telling him how sorry i was and if he could give us another chance, if we could talk...but he just ignored me...it's been almost a year by next month that we are like this, no talk, no communication, nothing between us...if he wants to say something to me, he tells it to my niece who takes care of my kids when im at work...i am talking to a counselor, attending spiritual seminars and talks, attends mass (i am a catholic), read the bible and try to change my bad attitudes and remove all the negative thoughts i have...right now, i have my realizations and understanding on my shortcomings and failures in this marriage and i want to get healed and recover...about my hubby, from time to time, i still think about the pain and hurts he caused me and thats what i want to get healed and recovered from too...to totally forgive him, forgive myself and forgive each other...thats what im praying for, and i trust that the Lord will prepare my hubby and me when the chance to talk and meet again comes...i hope and pray both of us will be ready and have peace in our hearts when that happens....thanks and God bless...

Hi Bekya...step by step asking God for His strength. Although in another lifetime, in another marriage another husband wanted closure. It only took 14 stitches to give him closure.


Gosh, I sure am hoping you got a chuckle out of that. It's not true but if I can get a smile out of you...the lie was worth it...ggg!

Maybe because he's gone so much he doesn't feel the impact of a true seperation. Maybe he's gotten used to being away from you.

I have learned from a lot of experience, to do as you are doing, talk to God about it and hand it over to Him and see what He does with it. Prayer, fasting and working on yourself is all you can do but let go and move yourself out of the way and see what happens. I wouldn't attempt to communicate with him anymore. Sometimes, people only want what they can't have and he betrayed you and it sounds like he transferred it back onto your shoulders. That way, he doesn't have to deal with what he did wrong.

When I was trying to heal from a broken marriage the book A Return to Love by Marrianne Williamson really helped me. I don't have the same beliefs as hers and I completely skipped her chapter on reincarnation but that book really helped me to look at myself in a different way. It sounds like you might be beating up on yourself too much. That will stop the healing more than anything.

I wish you peace in this and all other matters. I'm glad you found us!

Hello Dianne and Thistle Cove Farm! I wish u well today....thanks for the replies...God is really good all the time....He let me found this site and met you.....

bekya

bekya, I am also glad you found this site. I'm proud of you for leaning on the Lord during this difficult time in your life. Regardless of what happens with your marriage, you are certainly growing into a more beautiful person who is more aware of Christ's presence in your life. He will reveal your next step. Just try to take it a day at a time.

Please tell us more about your little girls. Wow! Three, and so close in age. I bet they keep you busy. You mentioned a niece. Do you live near the rest of your family?