Now that's romantic...rescuing puppies together.
Weak knees, you say? I know that feeling!

Ohhh...I hope I don't open a can of worms with this one, but online dating sites are not the place to find your soul mate if that is what you're after. If you're after dates, then it's fine if you are on your p's and q's, but finding your soul mate? I shudder to think. I know there are a few people that have found their special someone on the dating sites but it's rather rare. Guess the cosmos was lined up at the right time. I talk to too many women using places like Match.com, etc...and their stories would be enough to fill a horror book. The thing is, and I'll try to be brief, but the dating sites prey on the lonely, widowed, whatever, to survive. The thing is, if you can find something in your life to take up this lonely period - classes, hobbies, whatever - you are going to become prime bait for your soul mate to enter your life. And I say this because I know that a woman has to discover herself and learn to love herself before she can have a long-term relationship with anyone. Once she can get to that point in her life, she aligns herself to be in the right position to have someone come into her life. Actively seeking your soul mate or any mate is not the answer. Find yourself and your soul mate will find you.

My "lonely period" has been approximately 62 years. I've never been "prime bait" for anyone. The painful truth is that there are women whom men date and women they don't date. And it has nothing to do with brains, looks, or even sexuality (take a look at the photos, which are recent, on my website). I've always been active, found myself long ago, stay involved, busy, take every acting, writing, and professional class around, do church, community activities, am educated, attractive, active, etc. etc. I've survived just fine...but I've only had two men who even pretended to be attracted to me (one when I was 18 years old and one when I was 59 years old, and those two "relationships" lasted a total of about a dozen dates).

I married two men (whom I didn't love, nor did they love me--both needed a place to live) I picked up in bars because there had been absolutely no other offers by the time I was 23 and I wanted children (and did end up with two beautiful ones, thank the Lord). And there haven't been any genuine offers since I divorced in 1985. I was totally alone for 18 years (I mean not a coffee date, nada) until I tried to do the online dating (which for me is excruciating because I am still painfully shy) but at least I'm trying.

I realize this sounds obnoxiously whiny, but it's the truth. Two of my best women friends did find the loves of their lives online, both wonderful gentlemen.

Last weekend's "prospect", an educated, trim and handsome, college professor, spent 3 hours walking and talking with me, went on and on and even wrote later that he had such a lovely time and that I was so easy to talk to, so intelligent and attractive. But it ended the way most of these first dates have, he just disappeared. So now I can add "see you very soon" to the long list of kiss-off phrases which include, "Can I call you tomorrow," "Let's keep in touch," "I would love to get to know you better." I'm serious...those are their exact words.

So, why you ask, don't I just give it up? Who knows. Glutton for punishment, I guess. Still wanting to be loved just like other women have been...and wondering how the hell they make it happen. My soul mate definitely has not found me and I sure haven't been able to find him even with my best efforts.

Sorry for the rebuttal but most women who tell me that I'm so wonderful and that some man will come along who appreciates all I am are usually women who have had someone of their own (at least once in their lives)...and have no idea what it feels like to NEVER have experienced being truly loved by a man. I'll let the rest of you carry on this dialogue...too dang depressing.

By the way, I help other women through this crap all the time...thousands of them (probably have seen 8,000 women in my 37 years in practice). It's really too bad it isn't a two way street. The downside of being a therapist. More power to all of you who have let go of the whole thing.

When single, I dated a lot. Some were okay, some were not okay and others were losers. But some of them turned into close friends and when I left AZ to be with David in OH, I threw my own going away party and invited all of my single friends, male and female and introduced them to each other. Some of them hooked up and had serious relationships.

I thought dating was fun if you had the right people but I just never met anyone who really set my heart on fire until I stopped dating and didn't care anymore and there he was. I met him in a restaurant while waiting for a table.

I think if you can look at it as an adventure and a way of making a new friend with no expectations for anything else, it can be a bonus.

This coming from an old married lady! However, I'm not so old that I've forgotten what it was like to be on the dating scene.

I have never used online dating. It wasn't around 1987. But during my "single again" years ( 1987-roughly 1993 when I met my second/current husband and "soul mate")I used the personals several times. (Not how I met my husband, by the way) I found some real doozies. I found that most of them lie - a lot. I tried it for a while and decided it wasn't for me. The last time I answered one of those personals, it turned out to be my own brother! So, I do know that there are some decent men who do this, but I also know they stretch the truth. Thought you'd get a kick out of this story.

My girlfriend has used some of the online sites. You have to be extremely cautious with this. It is so easy for them to lie and to hide stuff from unsuspecting women who go on there in good faith hoping to meet Mr. Right.
Louisa

The gremlin ended up in the wrong spot. I couldn't make them work this morning.
Louisa

Lousia,
That story about answering you own brothers add would make a good short article for a magazine . That is so funny . I meet my husband at a party so I guess you do take a chance with online dating , but that is up to the you what you want to do . Who am I to say!

I laughed when I read that too. It WOULD make a great article about online dating. That has to be the funniest story I've ever heard. Louisa, can you give us more details about how it happened? I'd love to hear it!

[ February 25, 2006, 01:15 PM: Message edited by: Dianne ]

Very cute when you think about it Louisa made me smile...Theres a movie out where the daugher played by Dianne Lane answers her own fathers personal ad..

Possibly Dr. Karen the men you meet might be intimidated by the fact that you are a Therapist. Maybe their afraid you'll be analizing them or be able to see right through whatever false face they try to put forth. You know how men like to feel in control....

I just watched the movie you are talking about Chatty..its called "Must Love Dogs"...I thought it was a cute movie until Stockard Channing"s character starting carrying on a romance with a 15 year old boy online...and then he turned up on her doorstep...it turned out she had quite a few different profiles and personas online and just sort of went with whichever one got the most responses...I have the feeling that quite a lot of people ....not all.....really stretch the truth on those dating sites...One of my girlfriends who is really pretty emailed a guy on Match.com..they agreed to meet for a drink...she met him...they had 2 glasses of wine...she thought there was a connection...but he stood up to leave saying he had to get back to the hospital to check on a patient (he claimed to be a Cardiologist)and that he would call her next week...as they were leaving the restaurant he said good bye and went to the Men's room...she sat in her car for a few minutes...and damn if he didn't come bustling out looking at his watch and walked right into the restaurant next door...after 10 minutes she walked in and saw him sitting at the bar with another lady...this guy was an operator for sure!!!