Ari, it's probably because it shows a sign of desperation. Something to watch out for.

Amen to that and after all Ari you gave your trust and other things to the last man who turned it around on you and you were hurt by him. You're not a recluse nor are you shallow, just cautious. And as Martha Stewart would say, "that's a good thing." Relax and it'll happen...

Mustang, while my message might be an older one, I must admit, my experience with dating from online have been fruitful, I see on and off again a guy who is 11 months my senior, while I want to call what "we" have an open relationship, there is that respect between the two of us also. I have dated along with he, but, in the end we come back to one another. While for me, I have learned to take each day as it is presented, as really there is nothing more any of us can do, good luck and smile

patricia, how did you meet him online?

Ariadne54, I want you to be safe both emotionally and financially b/c desperate men are out there looking for women who will take care of them. Although your choice, please do not pursue this relationship.

I will tell ya'll a story:

I once worked w/ a secretary who was Scottish w/ auburn hair (not her natural color!) who was then married to her 2nd husband (both military) and had a child from each marriage. She divorced no. 2 to marry no. 3 who she met on line and he moved from another state. He was very flattering to her. She quite her job to be near him, when that did not work, she came back to our firm and worked. Well, after nearly 6 months of marriage to no. 3, she came home to find that he had moved out, took what he wanted, to include $$$$. She was devasted. She finally tracked him down and he was in Hawaii, when she contacted him (he did not contact her) he asked her to move there with him. She asked why had he done this, he said he was embarrased b/c he lost his job. This man was consistently desperate and would do/say/take (not pinned down) anything. This woman had to live in a co-workers garage for nearly a year while awaiting the divorce -- and to save some of the $$$$ she had lost.

She divorced no. 3 and found no. 4 on line. She moved away -- never heard from her again.

Now, I've toyed w/ on-line dating, but shall no longer pursue that avenue much longer. I don't "get out there" to advertise myself either, yet I will continue to pursue my interests and if I find someone . . . who knows!

But, if it feels right, then go with the on-line dating.

I was watching either the Today Show or something over the weekend and a website regarding "don't date that guy" .com or something was presented, if I find the website, I'll post in a new thread. Apparantly, you can view those who are liars or cheaters at these various dating sites!

Update:
I asked this man from Maine to share some of his personal and professional history. He stated that he had been married three times, recounting the history of each. His work history has been working in various and dissimilar occupations, and apparently for the past 5 years unemployed while caring for his elderly parents. I suspect he is on a very limited income, though I have no real way of knowing this.
Today, I sent him an ambivalent sounding letter, hoping to distance myself from him, and rec'd a nice letter in response, not offended or pressuring in any way. I'm relieved! I hate to hurt someone's feelings, but, in truth, this sounds like pulling another creature from the vast ocean of the Internet. Thanks all of you.
ARI

Run Ari, Run!!!!!!!!!!!

mustang, I think you have the right attitude. Go withyour interets and if you meet someone, fine! Then you'll know you have something in common to begin with.

ari, I wouldn't even email him at this point.

Hi, Boomers,
I haven't written since my ambivalent reply to him, and came home from work today feeling relieved not to be hearing from him. I simply don't want to deal with a relationship now, possible ever again.
I was talking to my daughter this past weekend telling her how happy and content I'm feeling, and equating that to being "man-free," to which she acknowledged she had seen the patterns I've repeated over the past 8 years. At long last, I seem to be seeing the patterns too! It's an odd and new feeling not to be stressed over some man!
I like it!
ARI

Ever wonder why WOMAN isn't spelled WHOA-MAN???
Thats the way I now look at each new encounter...