Wow Toni. You were in the position to have TWO worthy of your love to the point that you had to make a decision like that. Impressed. Well, I'm happy for you that you had/have a father that gave you such great advise.
I don't nor have I ever. I know that little girls that were raised by their great fathers find it easier to love a man and choose one for marriage. I've dealt with many issues pertaining to my father and they were all negative ones.
If a man were to find me that remotely reminded me of my father, he'd better run and very very fast as far away from me as possible.
In one of my many psychology classes, one of the most persisting patterns of the human mind is that we vicariously situate our live based on the 'familiars.' Unfortunately, that is for the good and the bad.
Well, I have been there. I married a 'father' figure man in which was abusive. I placed myself back into what was familiar. Now that I have been delivered from vicarious sublimanl curiosity, I am left bare, trying to figure out WHAT kind of man suits me best. Of course I can choose one like an uncle that treated his wife well, or someone, but those are the things missed when a child grows up feeling the love of the very first man in their lives.
I'm even concerned about my daughter now. She is 17, very attractive, smart and well rounded. Her peers/close friends date now. She doesn't. Those friends were all raised with a great father in their lives.
It actually hurts me to think that my issues have trickled down as a vicious cycle in her social life (I did divorce my husband before she was damaged in thinking that SHE should marry an abuser, thank God!).
I can tell that she is dealing with what I am. Her friends have boyfriends/mates and she doesn't. She went to prom with a friend vs someone she cares about as a boyfriend. Well, she's young. I've shared with her the concept Toni mentioned earlier about finding a man in college. I shared that with my son as well long ago. I told them both that the apples are plumper when they're in college where the goals are evident.
For me, I was already married and had children before I went back to college. When I did, as an adult, every man in the adult evening classes were married. Every woman too. I, again, was the only single person there. It didn't feel good then either. Of course, during little small chat or even in the beginning when we all introduced ourselves, they all told how long they'd been married as part of getting to know them better. I had to say the big "D" word, divorced.
This was not the traditional college courses where we would mingle with others. It was just the 20 of us that met every Thursday evening at 6 for 2yrs straight. The only changes were the professors. I did meet one nice professor that was single though. He commuted to Milwaukee on the one day he taught and had another job in Chicago. It was not very conducive to a relationship. I guess.
Oh well, as you can see, I can go on and on.
IF you made it down this far, thanks for reading my whine.
Sugaree