He does sense it and I have told him that my feelings for him have changed. The only thing is, feelings can change again and marriage is a commitment. It's only a problem for us if he continually gets angry with me. He is beginning to see that I need some emotional and mental space and he is starting to relax about it. If he doesn't push me to make love, that helps too.

Sex to some men is like Oxygen, if there isn't enough to breathe in the space their in, they'll go find another space where they can breathe freely and well....confusious not say this, I do, via the thousands of men I speak with on the job.

Chatty,
That's a great analogy. Confucious could take a lesson from YOU.
smile

[ September 28, 2005, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

I think respect is more important than the feelings of love or not loving him anymore. When the respect is gone, everything else goes away.

Have you told him how much his anger bothers you and did he respond? If they don't do anything about what bothers us, I think they either don't care or have decided it's just too bad. It takes two people working together, not just one.

I agree, Dianne, and yes for years I would tell him things that bothered me. I used to be the martyr type that would suffer in silence. But then I'd end up getting angry that he didn't know what was bothereing me. So, since he is not a mind reader, I started telling him things, thinking he would change some of those behaviors. Well he wouldn't do anyhting about it anyway. And then I just came off as a nagging wife. I couldn't really win. He has changed somewhat, lately. It all centers around sex (of course!). If he's getting "enough" he is calm and happy and seems to go out of his way to help me in other ways. Once he has gone more than 1 night without it, he starts getting an attitude.
It's like he wants to punish me because he thinks I'm punishing him. Keep in mind that I've been pregnant 11 times, nursed 7 of my kids and am now pre-menopausal. Years ago, I decided to stop contracepting (I'm Catholic) and he "went along with it" but refused to come to the Natural family planning class with me. You have to go as a couple, so I had to learn through a book. I wasn't always successful in reading the signs and there were many times when I thought I might be fertile, but instead of telling him "no" another night, we'd have sex. Sure enough, I'd get pregnant. This caused resentment on my part. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give back any of my kids (I've thought about it, but who'd take em??). So now I'm at the point where I don't care if he gets angry. If I don't want to be touched, that's my choice. I think he is starting to "get it" though, so we'll see how it all works out. I'm the kind of person who needs to connect on an emotional and spiritual level and that is what helps me to feel like giving my love. We don't connect that way...

It sounds like you're almost being held in bondage to sex. You give in and he's happy but you pay for it if you don't. That can't be nice or make you happy. So, if I'm reading right, you have to give in and he gets what he wants and you don't if you don't give in. Am I right? He won't do anything for you unless he gets sex? Not much of a trade off.

I really feel for you. My ex was the same way.

He doesn't think he's doing that but I've noticed the pattern, yes. He is starting to come around, especially since I've told him that many times, I just "give" my body over and just feel it all physically, but not emotionally. After it's over, I almost feel like a hooker and many times I've cried ( he didn't know.) That seemed to have hit him and he's much more sensitive now about pressuring me. He's really not a bad guy, but he lives so much on the physical plane that he doesn't understand how women operate, especially a highly sensitive one like myself! We really are so different and for years he thought everything was ok because I made sure he was happy. Now he is having to get used to the fact that I can't be like that anymore, because it wasn't really helping anyone.

Hey, Bluebird

Are you sure he isn't a borderline sex addict- my ex was -it was his only hobby- I'd give in in the morning to get it over with and so he'd leave me alone. Heck, that didn't make him happy- he'd crawl out of bed after sex and watch porno
Maybe you shouldn't cry behind his back- if there is any hope there it all needs to come out

Hi! this is my first time using this site and I am not computer literate....my head was spinning reading the FAQ's! Please reply so that I know that I did this correctly. I look forward to having many more new girlfriends.

To Bluebird:

I know how difficult it is to me in a marriage where you feel like you are just there. I hope that you are strong enough to make decisions for you ...not for him.

SUCCESS...congrats beachlady! I love your screen name.