Isn't it amazing that he thinks he should have you AND another woman, but he doesn't want you to date! Jeesh! I had to call the police on my ex#1 because he was threatening the first guy I dated after our divorce. But he never stopped seeing his gf.

But the sad thing is, you and I allowed them to do it rather than end the relationship as soon as we found out. But hey - we know better now!

Daisygirl

Good going, Beth! I almost felt your sigh of relief...

It feels so good! I am ready to move on, and it actually feels BETTER that it isn't because I've met someone else, just that I'm improving myself! He doesn't understand that way of thinking; I don't think he's ever ended a relationship where he hasn't had someone waiting in the wings. Maybe that's why he always came back crying when I left him before - he hadn't found his replacement yet and he didn't want to be alone.

I may be alone for a while, but I'm okay with it.

beth, being alone isn't so bad. Being hurt and lonely when you're with someone is sometimes devastating. I see you as a new woman. One who is going to take charge and live life to the fullest. One who won't be held down. And that is just the beginning. Use your time alone to decide what you want out of life, relationships etc. Use it to create a lifelong dream, and live it.
I am also proud of your accomplishments. I am so happy you showed up here. Now...a question for you. What is one of your lifelong dreams?

Hanging with you
chick

beth, I don't mean this as a jab, but maybe he doesn't understand the idea of improving one's self. SOme people are of the frame of mind that they are already all they need to be. Sad, but true.

I hope you'll post in other fourms. We'd love to see you throughout the neighborhood.

Chick, great question...

Dotsie, you hit it right on the head. He ABSOLUTELY thinks he is everything he needs to be and that he doesn't need improvement.

What is my lifelong dream? To own my own home! To have my own place to do with as I please, to have a yard to plant things in and walls I can paint and hang pictures on. And I am going to realize that dream come March of next year! I'm already starting to prowl the realty websites!

After that, I'm not sure. I don't want a lot, just security.

I left my husband a couple of times, and when i heard that he had started seeing someone else, i seethed. Just raging mad. At him and at her.
Looking back, i know it was easier to be angry than accept more hurt. Maybe it's the same now with you Beth....You have been deeply, deeply hurt, seeing him with this other person cuts the wound deeper. Be gentle, kind with yourself, protect yourself,just as you would protect anyone you love.

Norma, great point. Thanks for jumping in.

Hi Norma. It IS easier to be angry. When I found out about her, I was hurt beyond belief. I cried for two days straight. Not just hurt, HUMILIATED. He actually allowed me to find out; before that I didn't have a clue. We were supposed to attend a friend of his' birthday party one night and I had gone down there earlier with another friend to help set up. He was supposed to join me later after he got off work. 7:00 p.m. rolled around, 8:00, 9:00, he still had not shown up and was not answering his cell phone. One of his friends mentioned early in the evening that he had gone to dinner with her and her husband a night or two before, when I was working, and I thought that was strange because he hadn't mentioned it. It just occurred to me to ask her WHO ELSE had gone to dinner, and she told me. I left the party and went back to the house, just devastated, to wait for him to come home. He finally came home the next morning, and it was AWFUL. He said he had been meaning to tell me, but he didn't want to HURT me!!

So yes, I was hurt and anger was soon to follow. I'm not sure why I'm not able to hate him the way I hated her. I'm working on getting over the hate I feel for her, because as much as I haven't wanted to admit it, HE is the one I should be angry at.

By the way, I've asked him several times WHY he did what he did - humiliating me in front of everyone - and he said he just didn't have an answer. He will never tell me, and that's something I will have to get over.