Lynn, as you know I'm dealing with chronic dysthymia (low-grade depression); it does get tiring having to maintain the positive self-talk, gratitude-attitude, etc, etc, 24/7. It's exhausting having to constantly find ways to drown out those old tapes or act like everything's honky-dory when fatigue is relentlessly tugging at me to go back to bed. And it's very debilitating to keep having to deal with those old fear and failure feelings and not give in to that sense of futility.

I get so tired having to rev up internal engines that just don't have the "get up and go" anymore. If I didn't have this place, I don't know if I'd be able to do it day in and day out. This place really energizes me, which is the most hopeful thing I've experienced in months. Still, I'm debating whether or not it's enough. I'd like to go back on meds, if only to give myself a much needed break from the constant self-management, but dread the side effects.

The problem is that chronic fatigue is just that, chronic, it's never going to go away. I don't want to be on meds for the rest of my life. But I'm wondering if I can get myself on a regime of, say, two years on, two years off, just so there's always a light at the end of the tunnel...both tunnels...the exhausting self-management tunnel, and the drug-side-effect tunnel.