I remember something one of my counselors said, that the family as a unit will do anything to maintain the "homostasis" I think that was his word, like status quo. When ever one member of the unit tries to withdraw or change, the rest (of the family) will move heaven and earth to get back to the status quo. To them, the destructive behaviors is their status quo. The counselor said you (I) had to drop the ball in terms of the ongoing volley: I remove, they bring me back, I remove, they bring me back...Let them worry about their status quo, and recognize that they are not going to change. The problem arises when a true crisis (as opposed to a dramatized version of nothing important) when a true crisis arises, like in my case Mom with ALZ & cancer, and the family HAS to pull together for her sake. At least I learned some boundaries, and ways to drop the ball, but I still get drawn in. It's really really hard to release from the shackles of destructive family units.