yip i get that whole powerless thing and not being able to help apart from being their for them. i swapp in a hartbeat someone i loved pain and go through it for them, a good and bad thing for me and sometimes them all in all.

it must be quite a situasion if it contributing o your depresion.

have you been a bit quiter this last mounth on the forum or have i been missing you posting?
the first week or so i came back you seemed to be everyweer don't kniow if change is real or just my perception

Celtic, your caring is such a healing force, did you know that??

The "situation" is devastating in countless ways that will have a rippling impact for years to come. I'm powerless to fix or even try to fix the root of the situation, I can only wait right now...the Serenity Prayer has become my mantra for coping (God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.)

I don't know if I'm any quieter here...I'm trying to be more positive when I post, and some days it's difficult to "rise above" the churnings in my life so maybe I try not to post as much on those days. Fatigue is a huge problem right now. Some days I have abundant energy, other days it's an empty reservoir and I don't know what's making the difference. But I'm here everyday, even if not posting, I'm reading and praying and carrying my sisters in heart.

dearest Eagle Heart.
I'm afraid I got caught up in the posts that get me wired and missed this post of yours.

I don't know what you are facing but I hope that you will rely on your own feelings in what medication at what dose you take it. I hope it is still helping.

I can share with you that I suffer from chronic depression so I take lexapro and have for many years. Before that, I took Serzone and before that, Prozac. Lexapro is the pure ingredient from Prozac and I'm not aware of the med you are taking but plan on finding out. My education is in Psyche and my closest friend is a pychiatrist so I can ask him. I know that if you feel better at a certain dose of a mediction and worse at another you must be your own avocate and stay on the dose that works.

I was sorry to hear you had a bad day. Is this the medication not working or the situation getting harder? I hope things are not getting worse for you, I surely do.

I have the greatest sympathy for those who suffer from depression and those like myself who cannot fight it without medication. We must support each other and understand each other as much as possible.

Know how sorry I am that you felt worse recently and that I thrill in the knowlege when you feel lighter and happier. You've a right to feel happy and never let anyone have you feel anything else.

I support your work on moving yourself from a negative feeling and if you ever want to discuss anything, I'd be happy to do so with you.

I hope for you and I to stay above the evil head of depression and to live our lives as happily as we can in the face of whatever comes our way.

You are cared for,

Dancer

Dancer,
I only have a few moments to be here right now, but will be back later. But I just wanted to acknowledge and express my gratitude for your understanding and caring.

The "situation" is the primary trigger for this roller coastering that I've been doing for the past two years now. It impacts in so many ways. I'm working on distancing my heart and mind from the emotional impact and just let it unfold as it will. There's nothing I can do to fix or alter it, so, as Maya Angelou says, all I can do is change the way I think about it.

I honestly don't know how the Cipralex is working - oh, I think that Cipralex and Lexapro are the same thing, just sold under different names in different countries. Anyway, the first two weeks on Cipralex were noticeably better. Then we upped the dosage, and the response was terrible. Since going back to the half dosage, I haven't been able to feel any difference. I may have to up the dosage to 10mg and just weather that first adjustment period, then decide.

But another consideration is something we've discussed in another thread here. DJ and Mama Red have both spoken at length about adrenal fatigue and after researching it, I'm inclined to lean toward that. All along, I have felt that the depression is not the primary issue, but a response to having to struggle for so long with inexplicably severe and debilitating fatigue. So I'm going to investigate that adrenal fatigue more with my doctor and see if we can finally put a name - and appropriate treatment - to the real underlying problem.

I appreciate your care. Thank you.

That ideas sounds very wise, Eagle Heart and I can learn from that! To reduce your stress and to get strong professional help for it has to be one of the best things we can do to help ourselves if we suffer from depression.

I would love to hear how it goes for you and I'm so sorry you've been struggling with this situation so long! Has it any chance of settling itself?

Dancer

PS, if you recall, I've always cared about your depression and what you have faced. I respect you for it. Again, I got caught up in the upsetting topics and didn't get here until now. I'm sorry!

EH,
Since you say you like the serenity prayer, you might like this one also:

O God, refresh and gladden my spirit, purify my heart, illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved: I will be a happy and joyful being. O God, I will no longer be full of anxiety nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.
O God, Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord.

That's a beautiful prayer. I'm printing it off and will use it daily. I wonder if there's an easy way to get those words from lips to heart, or perhaps it would work better if I worked first at getting them from lips to mind, since it's our thoughts that create us. I've prayed so many affirmations, but when the heart is feeling sad, the words sound hollow - and watery, since I'm often crying at the disparity between the words and my experience. But I don't give up. I remember the old adage, if you act enthusiastic, you'll be enthusiastic...one of these days, the acting has to morph into being, doesn't it?

You know, I have to correct myself from a few posts ago. I said that I hadn't noticed much difference since changing the dosage to the half pill (5mg). I don't think that's accurate. I'm feeling much calmer, can honestly say that I don't feel anxious most of the time, I've stopped crying all the time, I don't even feel that heavy overwhelming sadness anymore. I also don't feel abundantly joyful, but a pleasant calmness, a steady temperament and a stronger sense of capability. I have to balance that against the fatigue, but overall, I'm much healthier and "in control" than before the cipralex...I guess that I'm so used to nasty side effects that I figured that this pill couldn't be working, because I feel NO side effects whatsoever, just a calmness that wasn't there before. I'll take that and build me a bridge to where I want to go next...onward and upward!

PS...I think my new Wii is helping too. Does anyone else have the Wii Fit? I had so much fun with that today, despite getting hit by dozens of wayword shoes (balancing exercise). I may not have done well with my balance, but it sure made me laugh a lot. That alone makes it worth every penny!

dear Eagle Heart,
I've been thinking of you since I started to read your threads and your posts...
I think you HAVE changed for the better. You DO seem stronger, more sure of yourself and more active in the care of yourself.
When I think of you when I first came here and read your posts now, you are different in a very good way in my opinion.
Yes, your pain is still there but you are uplifting more than before and not just for yourself. You seem to have risen to the occasion!
It helps to read your affirmations and DJ's and reminds me to use them myself. I had stopped using them for awhile and it leaves something out for me.
Thanks for the affirmation, DJ, I, too will use it a bit.

Eagle Heart, I am proud to know you and may you continue to rise, like the eagle and soar in your heart once more.

Dancer

Hi Eagle. I am back at work and only catching up on the weekends. So please forgive me (I know you will) for being a late comer to the thread.

I think you are taking the same drug that I take. If so, it is a generic lexapro, but it is coupled with another drug, too. It makes total sense that a small amount would work - you aren't really depressed, just want a calmer life.

I take a really huge dose these days. When I try to go off (I constantly fight taking chemicals into my body), I craYoush and burn. One day I hope to be free of anti-depressants, but now is not the time.

But this thread is about you.

Could it be possible that you are suffering from either PTSD or CFS? (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)

Both of these are treated differently that just depression.

And I L-O-V-E my Wii Fit! It is not high level exercise, but it is more that I usually do. And I have fun doing it! It is perfect for me.

Keep strong girl, be open and honest with your doctor and listen to your body. You know exactly what is right for you.