I definitely believe gratitude is "teachable"...and it is so much easier to incorporate into your beingness when it starts young. However, I've met and coached many people who never had that model as a youngster and are understanding the value of it now. So I figure the more we model it, the more it rubs off...on all those we come in contact with!

Oh Jabber, if only that were true. I am the most thankful person on earth for even the tinest thing done for me. I still call salespeople, old or young, sir and mame. My sons have been taught by example believe me and yet they chose to be indifferent at times and it really ticks me off.

Like I said, the example was always there, still is, but they do not seem to be effected by any of it most of the time. My older son whom I still see, acts as if whatever he gets, he deserves!!!My mother sent $500.00 to each grandchild and it took him a month to call and thank her and I was both embarrassed and furious. But he is (supposedly) an adult so what can I do?

Chatty, aren't you suppose to be getting ready for a date?

I spent what felt like eons cajoling, coercing, nagging and begging my son to say "thank you", "please" and all the other niceties I felt were important. I have been mortified when my mom or someone else sent him something and he kept putting off the call or note, I felt like I was a horrible mom with an ingrate for a son (whom, by the way, I do happen to adore!). I wasn't the best at thank you notes...was more one to pick up the phone and make a call.

And getting him to write a thank you note was something akin to asking him to cut off a vital body part...until recently!

My mom sent holiday cards a few days before Christmas with a note on the outside "don't open until the 25th". Matt, bless his pea-pickin' heart said "mom, you'd better let Gram know we got these cards so she isn't worried whether they arrived...we can call her again on Christmas Day once we know what she sent."

Well, blow me over with a feather! I was stunned, pleasantly, of course.

Then tonight I was making some toast and he said "thank you mom" thinking I was making him sandwiches to take with him to work. When I said what I was doing he said "well, I'm sure I need to thank you for something I forgot about."

One thing that made a real difference in how he sees the world was attending the same transformational leadership program I attended. I, of course, had preconceived notions about how he should participate (my way, right? whaatttt!) and he didn't do that. AND he did come away with a much better understanding of how to look at the world through another's eyes.

He has a hugely generous heart and will give away his last dime if someone asks or even intimates they need it. I guarantee you, he didn't get that one from me! That is one of the areas I'm still working on.

And he is gentle spirited to a fault...to the point where our discussion the other night was around what women want. My heart fairly crumbled, and the tears rolled down my face (as they are now, again) when he said "mom, they say they want kind and gentle...I'm here, right here. And I'm not what they want for a boyfriend or a husband. I'm OK for a friend...but they want someone who abuses them, in some way shape or form, for a boyfriend. What am I supposed to do Mom? I can't do that to people, I just can't! It isn't who I am and sometimes I'm lonely". And he is scared...to open his heart again and find that he is too kind.

What do I tell him when there are stories swirling around about how there are no good "ones" in the world? That all men are takers and terrible and horrible and only about sex and power and themselves?

How do I help him hold on to that huge heart and stand fast, to wait for the one who will appreciate him for those gifts?

And, in fact, I have 3 of this type of man for sons...gentle hearted, hurt, spirited, musical, talented, caring. Two of the three are with gentle spirited women who come from backgrounds where the men are abusive and, tho' they crave the kindness in them, there is also a part of them who considers it unmanly?

And, of course, they do have their more unsavory sides...not saying they are perfect angels.

There are good ones...black, white, green, orange, blue, male, female, rapper, classical musician, dancer, artist, musician, lawyer, homeless, wealthy, young, middle aged, toddler or sage, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, agnostic, atheist, gay, straight, and everything in between. Prejudiced, bigoted, abuser, taker, racist, Indian, Italian, Irish, Welsh, German...no matter the nationality.

There is gratitude swirling all around us. We may need to sneak a peak beneath our ingrained belief systems to find it...and it is there. We may need to let go of some of the stuff we thought we knew or gather 100 stories of kindness and caring to combat the latest war news or death of a loved one.

There is gratefulness and kindness aplenty. I know it. I believe it. I see it! If it is what we focus on, we will find it in a million places, big and small. Will you help me look for it? And help us continue to love and cherish all those in our world as beings of Light at their core, no matter what "face" they may be showing to the world?

My apologies...I got off track and this is my heart speaking, so I hope you'll understand.

My DH has always said "Lead by example". It's hard when you want to TELL someone what to do, but kids are watching! I'm proof....I am still watching Dad at age 81. He's amazing...and my wonderful Daddy!

Amen Di!!!!!!!!! And something I find myself forgetting on a regular basis (maybe I need to remember the song once dedicated to me during a training course..."You say it best when you say nothing at all"). I thought it meant I needed to shut up (old habits die hard, eh) and that wasn't what it meant at all! And I think it speaks to so many relationships we get to have!

Here is one of the versions I like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjsjZWlRVvo

Blast those belief systems and old tapes anyway!

MamaRed, what a beautiful post! I can't think of anything to add right now.

Thank you Meredith!

I currently know people who ought to be grateful for what they
have but take way too many things for granted. Some folks think
the world owes them. The world should cater to them. Everybody
should be happy that they even take time to say, "Hi." These are
middle class, self-absorbed, goofs.

Hey Jabber...I'm not sure the lack of gratitude or entitlement mentality is limmited to a specific group! I've seen folks from all walks of life have that attitude. Guess those of us who believe it is important get to keep "larnin' others, eh? Of course, then I forget to do my gratitude exercises myself and get reminded of my blasted humanness. Giggle!