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#173204 - 01/31/09 05:06 PM
Re: No
[Re: jabber]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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jabber do you think perhapps a person might reach a plato of healing, weer life's not too out of the ordinary, no strong assosiations or flashbacks or even giving the abuse much thought or thinking . Certinly after threrapie, time and healing.
what do you see it as being as good as it can get for some people?
i just wonder as most all of us are sensitised and have triggers to something or other. Would you think it possible to get to point that any emotional or mental responses isre't that far away from any other average lady on the street?
i get torn over the diffrering views and the implicasions behid those views.
a you never fullie heal, therfore thers gonna be damage for a lifetime verses a managable normal response to life and lifes situasions. b total healing or normale functioning life being somehow interpreted well it could't been all that bad anyhow?
the infrense from either extreem never helpfull but could their be a balance or mid point avavable for most people?
just wonderring
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#173233 - 01/31/09 11:39 PM
Child must be safe, then loved honorably
[Re: chatty lady]
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Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
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Sad, how the issue of sexual abuse either traumatic experiences or stories of parental protection.
My partner was never close to his stepfather because he felt he didn't treat his mom well at times. ie. as a teenager he tried to protect his mom from having objects thrown at her when his stepfather was drunk... He also felt his stepfather had a somewhat wandering eye for other ladies.
To cut to the chase, I did mention to him once that it was probably a good thing he never had a sister...she would have probably been abused by this guy. My partner agreed with me. Awful isn't it?
Needless to say, when I first knew my partner, he made sure his then teenage children never saw their grandfather. He really honestly felt he had to protect his children from any sexual abusive maneouvres, in his increased dementia. And no he never discussed his concerns with his mother, a gentle, honorable woman who died last year.
Anyway, I think it was better his children got to know their grandmother well and respect her wonderful values..which they did and honour memory of her.
I did meet his stepfather..only once briefly. And when I shook his hand..his gripped my hand abit hard...for a guy in his late 70's. I was already in my mid 30's. For all that I heard about the guy from my partner, I honestly didn't feel like getting to know the guy.
He died a few years later. ______________________________________ This whole discussion emphasizes it can't be love as the priority for a child. It must complete safety from harm for a child as 1st PRIORITY, then followed by love for a child.
It must be a nightmare for any child not to feel safe in their own home if they are sexually abused by another family member.
Edited by orchid (01/31/09 11:49 PM)
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#173265 - 02/01/09 03:24 PM
Re: No
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
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Celtic, I don't think abuse ever goes away, the flashbacks and memories. As I've said before, we just learn to live with it, set goals and move forward. Everyone has something goin' on their life. It could be illness, either the individual or a family member or a love one; personal disability; physical or mental abuse by a spouse; mistreatment by family members; whatever. Most folks are hurting and carrying a cross of some kind!
Joyce Meyer is a TV evangelist; and an international missionary; an author. She's a housewife from Fenton, Missouri, about 50 something, years old. During her childhood, she was sexually abused by her dad. She married young. Her first husband was abusive, too. She had one child, when that spouse ran off. She met Dave Meyer and remarried. Her real name is Pauline, I think. But, for sound effects, Joyce goes better with Meyer. Her oldest boy runs her internation ministry. Her husband runs ministry finances. She has had many books on the New York Times Best Sellers List.
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#173290 - 02/01/09 05:47 PM
Re: No
[Re: jabber]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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thanks for sharring your view on degree of healing jabber.
i have always though of kids being abused by strange babysitters.
i never though of babysitters being abused by parents of the kids thir sitting for, strange eh! Thanks for mentioning that jebber
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#173291 - 02/01/09 05:51 PM
Re: No
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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for some crimes some branding or forehead tatooing be usefull, especallie since the care to rehabilitate offenders relised back into the community. I'm not sure if i am joking about the tatoo or branding but just whishing it be as obviouse as that becouse of chattys point that they look no diffrent from any one else.
heer instinct a handy thing. As i have meet some adults that id just not let near my kids and its dowen to nything more than instinct. If i am wrong theirs no harm to the kids or them by keeping them seperate, if i right id just done the kid a massive favour.
its a true delema and balance has to come into it too, weer to draw the line.
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#173292 - 02/01/09 05:59 PM
Re: No
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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i think some mums do know and forwhatever reasons let it happen in thir owen home. I also think some mums don't know either becouse of manipulasion of abuser for child not to tell or a quite secritive type of kid. Although i do wonder how some parents can ignore some kids reactions to people and the reactions over the top...but they do
anyway as a lot of this type of talk has adults being abused talking about thir abuser. What is heared less often and perhapps never is a carings mums perspective or a careing dads perspective as to how they din't know or explaned some strange behaviours away. I know how easie it is for kids to be angery with parents who should have knowen
id just like to know of parents who have done everything to protect their kids yet they fell through the net somehow.
id like the parents experinse and parhapps thir be a lot of learning to protect our kids within those experinses.
id be devistated if it was to happen to L so i can imagine a parent not wanting to think of it as happening i think my reaction would be to pull plugg on the whatever that had upset him or had spooked me rather than risk ignorring potencial sighnes.
anyone brave enough to give thir experinse?
the figures being what they are then thir has to be parebnts that are in this forum whos kids have been abused?
if not is thir any litriture on this from a parents perspective?
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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