I don't know exactly when it happened or why or how, but I think I've found my Christmas spark again! It snuck up on me. Maybe it was changing everything around to create the Christmas that I've been yearning for for years. I couldn't change it before because my family was so steeped in the old traditions that it would have caused too much friction and, I admit, I loved Gary so much that I would have done ANYTHING for him, including protecting his vision and version of Christmas.

Now, though I'd give anything and everything to have him back, the reality is that Christmas is a blank slate for us, and we've decided to change the focus to suit our vision. Somehow, making that happen has brought that spark of Christmas joy back to my heart.

I love how these little sparks of joy are beginning to poke through the grief, and I love how resilient the human spirit is - and how the caring kindness of others plays such a huge part in loving us back to life.

Oh Eagle Heart...I'm so thrilled to hear those tiny sparks are being ignited for you. Remember, dear one, it only takes a tiny spark to ignite a bonfire. And whether it is a bonfire or a spark, your joy is reminder to us all of powerfully passionate possibities of the human spirit. Thank you for being such an amazing woman and sharing your heart so openly. You are an inspiration.

Eagle your news of the spark makes me happy for you.
Figment's song " 1 little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation. Right at the start of everything that's new One little spark lights up for you! "

Eagleheart..you are a tiny spark in my darker moments/hours. I think of you often then..and think that you have been there,too.

Have a wonderful Christmas..I have refocused my Christmas,too..a few times of the years..

All my love!

Humlan, you're always close in thought and heart...anytime I start to "go there", I think of you and all that you're going through and then channel my energy into lifting you in prayer and sending loving caring thoughts your way. I also do this with Jabber, mindful of her friend's dire situation.

Our hearts seem connected beyond time and space constraints; I'm so grateful for these connections because they spark the spark!

yep i am trying on a brand new christmass day this year too. I am hoping change can be good and by sounds of it as few others have alreadie showen it so.
its good to know

Eagle, I hope you're still feeling the sparks. That's such great news. Is the whole fireplace burning by now?

I wish...but you know how the song goes, it only takes a spark to get a fire going...

It's a little tricky these days; but that's okay. I'm more able to take the twists and turns in this grief journey. This morning, I was cleaning out and sorting through a pile of Christmas bags from Christmases past (we use them as "stocking bags".) I found one that still had empty wrappings from two years ago...it had been Gary's stocking bag. That caused a minor flood. But those moments don't last long now, so that's healing-at-work, isn't it!

Just recently you shared a quote about peace...I still have it on my fridge...it helps a lot, because it reminds me that "this too shall pass" and that it's okay to feel the wound and the loss. I think the worst suffering comes from constantly trying to run away from the pain; the harder I work to escape or hide from it, the bigger the pain becomes. I'm finding that if I just sit still, face it, feel it, and acknowledge that the sadness is still healing and that it's OKAY to feel sad, the pain subsides and becomes much more manageable. And somehow just opening my mind and heart to feel compassion for my own sadness also opens up space in my heart for those sparks to fit in right alongside of the pain.

I think the worst suffering comes from constantly trying to run away from the pain; the harder I work to escape or hide from it, the bigger the pain becomes. I'm finding that if I just sit still, face it, feel it, and acknowledge that the sadness is still healing and that it's OKAY to feel sad, the pain subsides and becomes much more manageable. And somehow just opening my mind and heart to feel compassion for my own sadness also opens up space in my heart for those sparks to fit in right alongside of the pain. [/quote]


my mum took ill on christmass day and was dead by boxing day. we weer not talking at the time despite so manie internal alarm bells clanging for me to phone her, i can be to full of pride and stuborn and it cost us both dearlie.

anyway i had this emotional pain and physical pain i thought i was almost having a hart attake at time. I was drainned and slowlie became exousted. Untill one day i sat then lay on my bed acknolaged i missed her and felt not just thought about missing her or thought about the pain but felt it. Of course i cried but got up from that bed some time later lighter less tired and alreadie on the road to recovering from that particulare emotional upset in my life and all i had done to dumb that pain out. I had ran for at lest 6 mounths maybee even more like 1 yr pluss before not being able to run from it anymore. Thank god i gave in in the end as its what i needed

so that both of us eragle, thers gotta be something in it.

so keep going when you can with all the strenth you have when you can..and well worked out that running isen't the answere.

celtic,
I'm so sorry for all that pain! It's true that we must face our pain and we must do it when we are ready. If you are in physical pain, no one should have to bear terrible physical pain ever, period. I hope you do not suffer pain in your body that has to be treated.

I'm glad you worked out what you had to and you were strong to face it!

Dancer