DreamrKate,

You won't.

i have to wonder if that "unclaimed youth" is all it's cracked up to be -- i mean -- would you REALLY want to be a youth again ??????

our younger times are for screwing up -- doing things that make you just CRINGE when you get older -- making decisions that you wonder how you survived to look back at them --

if you can look in the mirror and say -- i'm okay -- i made a difference in someone else's life -- i survived -- then what else is it all about ???????

it IS a lifestyle -- but not always one that's easy to figure out how to give up -- i had to let go of that youth to finally find the strength to grow up --

i was the loser -- the one that caused all the pain -- the one who lied and cheated and tried to destroy everything that was good and decent -- the one who hurt my family

and there won't be one day in my life that i won't remember it all -- thank GOD for my husband's decision to love me anyway -- to keep my children from hating me -- to give me the time to find a way back ------

wouldn't it be nice if life came with instructions

I think that's what religion was meant to be.

I have nothing to add actually...I just wanted to get in on this longest running post we have ever had. Should we call Guinness?

okay, okay, I'll be quiet...

Well, girls, simplistic, and sometimes as stupid as it sounds, it is my faith that has kept me hanging in here. I wish I could have all of you over for an afternoon. So you could meet us, and see our family... I've always prayed and I have truly believed, except for when I get really weary and worn out, that we would be the miracle because my husband keeps trying....and the Bible says that you forgive, how many times? 70 times 70? And if it was me in the same condition, how would I want to be treated? And how would Christ treat someone with the same affliction? But in all honesty, I'm sure that there's a spot in me, that has reveled in being the "right" one. The one who walks the higher path... well how pious of me! A counselor once told me that people stay in dumb situations because there's a pay off. I thought about that for a long time, like years, and it was ugly to see that I stayed because I was the straight arrow (sort of ). I was the one who everyone thought was wonderful to care so much, wonderful to be so strong, wonderful to be such support. But sometimes, I'm just not that pretty.
And my youth? It was regular, I was a little hippy girl, flower child, free spirited and in love with life and the world and really cute guys. I didn't have to try all that much. And in some instance I feel like maybe this is my "work." My time to pay for all the fun. Does any of that make sense?

JawJaw, you're just too funny. And it IS interesting to know everyone's perspective. The amazing thing is we're all like the seven blind men and the elephant. That's like our life paths, we all have such a different perspective and different ideas of how things can work better for us. My path won't be right for anyone else and theirs may not be right for me.

Lionspaw.....you're brave baring yourself ! But it's sort of freeing isn't it? If you can get out from under the guilt. That's a crusher. It's hard to make someone feel loved when they do't know how to love the person they see in the mirror.
(I was trying to figure out which word to use, "themselves" or "theirself"... couldn't figure it out so I wrote around it. Worked pretty good don't ya think?"

thank goodness for Websters dictionary

DK -- I replied to your email -- in case it I didn't do it right and you don't get it -- let me know

Maybe that's the test to see if someone is worth helping -- or just an ASS -- stand them in front of the mirror and see how they react -- if they look away -- or stare as if they don't know that person looking back -- give them a chance -- if they "prim" -- kick the #^*&^% out

I can say that because I never know who it is that's looking back at me -- but every once and awhile -- I get an inkling that this might be someone worth getting to know

JJ, I admire you for NOT breaking your husband down in front of the kids. Way too often I see women who bach their husbands in front of their children and it breaks my heart.

Lion, how beautiful for you to have felt the love and chosen to make the changes for yourself and family. Unconditional love...there's nothing like it!
You are one strong person and the fact that you are willing to share that says more than you'll ever know.

And DJ, yes, I think religion is our instruction for living life. Unfortunately, it's not something all of us grasped at a yound age...the reason for many of our mistakes.

This should motivate us to share our faith with youth.

Dotsie -- I have an inner strength beyond words --and I see life through the eyes of a child --

I've debated over and over if I should mention my "problem" -- it isn't something many people know about, have experienced, or probably even believe -- it took many tries before I even found a doctor that could help -- but because of my disorder -- I have experienced most of the negatives life has to offer -- dwelled in them for many years -- so parts of me relate to the victim -- and parts of me know the abuser personally.

Clear as mud ???

If I can say one thing that can help someone else cope -- or maybe perhaps look at the situation in a different light -- then maybe my life hasn't been such a waste after all.

So I'm happy to bear my twisted soul

DK, first of all, Welcome! Second of all, I WILL fight you for the title of "Longest-winded!" You , too, Jaw I've had a couple of relationships with active drug abusers....But I've never stayed with them for very long. I can't offer you much camaraderie or feedback or whatever... the abuser I'm dealing with right now is the ex-lover of my best friend... he's stalking us and harassing us, adding to an already complicated mess at home right now. So I'm probably not the best person to talk to about coping with an active addict, because I have such negative feelings about that person's disease(s).

I can tell you this much, though, to your honor and credit; "For better or worse, in sickness and in health," does really mean something important. As long as a woman is not being abused by someone who is ill, I can understand wanting to keep on being at someone's back.

Blessings,
Lil