Sitka, your honesty with we women about your gender is so refreshing and I commend you for it. I am so sorry for your loss but I learned something from a dear friend who lost her husband. When she spoke at his wake she said her husband would say:

DON'T CRY BECAUSE ITS OVER, SMILE BECAUSE IT HAPPENED...

Live well and be happy as Valerie would have wanted you to do. I hope you find a site for men that is welcoming and understanding...