Kate, your humor comment is perfect.

Have you ever challenged her and asked her why she dwells in negativity? Do you think she's aware of that? Perhaps it's how she was raised and she doesn't know how to change her focus. Just a sad thought.

Kate, you're a very wise woman. Great insight.

My mother would use her long list of ailments, real or imagined for attention. It was her way of making me feel guilty for not being the perfect daughter and always around to help her. Actually, she was in perfect health.

I took her to lunch one day and she started in on her long list of illnesses and I just said, "So Mom, tell he how you really feel." A flash of anger was there but quickly left when she realized it wasn't working. We had a nice lunch after that.

Dotsie,I have challenged her a few times even told her I was worried about her dwelling on the negative and that did she realize that she was doing harm to herself. I tried to make her aware that she could have a stroke as she gets all worked up about the past and can't let it go. Not a visit goes by without her bringing up stuff from 20, 30, 40 years ago, over and over again. How my dad did this, how he was selfish, how he never goes shopping with her like other husbands, how he spends all his time on the computer looking at x-rated stuff, she is obsessed with everything he does. My dad and I get along really well and she can't stand it because she says she can't talk to me. Well my dad and I have fun conversations and we agree to disagree and laugh about it. If you don't agree with her she storms out or hangs up on me and won't talk to me for a week. I understand that she needs attention and she wonders why I give my dad attention and not her, at least not as much, well it's because she is so negative and it drives me crazy. My dad is in a wheel chair and only has one leg so I take him out every Saturday but I don't take her out because she can drive and she is very involved with outside interests, my dad can't get out at all. I guess I should offer to go out with her once in a while but I don't because it's usually too painful as she is so toxic. I am going to try to change the subject or ask her a quesion next time about something she enjoys or whatever. I realize that I don't use humour enough with her and react to what she says instead of just letting it go in one ear and out the other like I would with someone I'm not that close to. I'm trying not to buy into her negativity. It is sad though but she has been like this for a very long time.
Kate